So I have a coursework deadline, for tomorrow.
It is not until now I have realised how daydreaming actually affects the amount of work I do out of school, I just looked at the checklist for my coursework, and I have less than half the work.
And the most irritating thing is, I want to get this all done tonight, I want to work hard on it but all I want to do right now is sit and daydream. Daydreaming feels like a hook on my heart, it actually almost physically pains me knowing I can't just go shut myself in my room and sit and daydream for hours. This is the one break I'm giving myself tonight.
Sometimes I think about suicidal things, not necessarily in a serious depressing way but more in a curious way. I've decided that sometimes I just don't want to exist. And by that I don't mean death, I mean that I wish I had the ability to stop time. I'd just like to stop time and relish in my existence in non existence, does that make sense?
I've always seemed to like hiding since I was little. When things get stressful my natural instinct is to run and hide. I'd like to be able to run into my daydreams and hide away from the world, just because I know they're not real. Reality can hit you so devastatingly, whereas at least in my daydreams I know that nothing matters because everything in my mind at that moment is completely pointless. What I do in my daydreams is not going to affect my relationships and future. It's almost painful knowing that no matter what I do, as long as I'm alive I'll always exist in reality, there are no breaks for the living.
Anyway, deep thinking break over, wish me luck on this coursework guys.