Does Anyone Resonate With This?

[SA]

I am a maladaptive daydreamer from Asia. 23 years of age. I believe I have cured a decent chunk of my MD as I have felt being in the here and now many times as my alive and truer self has come to the fore. 

I woke up in 2024. My MD was about not being who I truly was due to the atmosphere not being accepting of that self, be it school and especially my household. I live in a narcissistic family cult. Here, the patriarch of the family, my father, who is a grandiose narcissist has assigned roles to everyone and you are bound to play within those roles or you are labelled as a scapegoat. 
I am a proud scapegoat of this shitty household, which equates The Modern and Beautiful Islamic religion to oppression.

I spent the entire 2024 honoring the self I buried back in my teenage. I pissed my family off, spoke when I was angry and preserved my basic sense of self and respect. I also processed many of the repressed emotions by being with those feelings or acting them out in real life. It was destructive at times but purifying also. 

In 2025, I am at a point where most of my daydreams are about sharing my opinions. I am now working in an organisation and trying to complete my education. I get a bit of socialization at work but I still am detached at home not because I don't want to engage. But each time I do, my role seems to make me feel as if I can't be completely me. Like just yesterday, I expressed my anger at having woken up at night and my mother expressed how I was weak and got tired due to working a job. I didn't like it. Everyone deserves rest. I am writing this for everyone to read so they can share their stories and I will definitely respond to them, to the best of my knowledge. But I also am writing this for I am struggling to find my true self. The self that feels like Home. MD is split of the self. We express what we couldn't with our ego. I have felt alive and at home each time I have socialized with someone. It was after MD that I became an extreme loner. I became really reserved. 

But each time I do that, like at work, my real life just stops matching that energy when I get home as my home life wants a role. They want me, the YOUNGEST KID, to just be happy and be talking to all of them. I can't have opinions or express anger at something. Even if they let me do it, it's out of fear and then I am the BAD GUY. So I just go silent. 

Please feel free to share your opinions!!!!

Thanks for reading!!!!