Wild Minds Network

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Daydreaming about your crush Vs Reality about your crush

Hello fellow daydreamers,

The topic i want to discuss today is mainly subjected to as the title suggest,

First of all i'm really glad that we daydreamers have access to this website so that we can talk with each other and discuss our problems, so all the credit goes to the one who made this possible, Cordelia rose. 

Now coming to the main topic, 

There is a very thin line between your daydreaming and the reality,

Daydreaming - It probably takes time to develop the kind of perfect story that you would want to have to enjoy daydreaming, I have a crush on an actress (classified) since almost 10 long years, I have his whole world of mine that's build up in my head with my crush being the center character for almost all the kind of daydreams i experience, the actress is probably one of the reasons i daydream so much, probably a basic scenario would be that we are talking with each other on a rainy romantic day at a coffee shop by the country area, having hot coffee,

Now this is just a basic one just to gives you guys an idea of how it's like for me, there are tons other with the same character in a different scene.

Reality or Malfunction - let's suppose you have a crush on someone, you really like that person for many reasons like beautiful looks, attractive personality or some unique flavor that you find in them what you don't in others, your so attracted to them to such an extent that your daydreams starts to feel real, every plot and the stories that you build in your mind is nearly perfect and convincing that yes we do like each other and this is the perfect relationship where we are just purely in love with each other, but that's not all true, until the reality or the real life of your crush gets in the way of your daydreams, Probably if i go and watch the TV shows, The movies of that actress who i have crush on, is kissing someone or having bed time, i cannot believe that she could cheat me over someone else after we had so much trust and faith in each other, this way im forced to change my daydreaming story line in some way that it could adjust and fix things between both of us, mostly the daydreaming in this case would come out to be negative like for the revenge i would try to make her jealous and date different girl, or im forced to daydream that im kissing someone else and suddenly she opens the door and sees both of us together that ways she realize that what she did with me was not right after i trusted her so much, sometimes i daydream that i'm a famous sports player who's really impressive with his scoring ability, to which she is impressed and find me more worthy than the guy she cheated me over, so basically even when i want to be normal person, simple yet good looking guy, just for her sort of guy, im forced to be a famous person just to ''adjust'' the plot in such a way that it makes sense and it's believable, now this way daydreams can be enjoyable but sudden plot twister can be uncomfortable at first since as i said before it takes time for perfect stories to build up which is the main reason why i was avoiding the movies and tv shows of my crush since a long time but sometimes i end up watching them out of curiosity.

Now this glitch of reality getting in the way of our daydreams can be a mechanism to control us from daydreaming excessively, cause if you don't have this malfunction probably you'll end up daydreaming for night and days for hours n hours you'll lose sleep, which i had experienced in 2011, probably i was sick had fever for about 4 days, i was away from social networking things like cellphones, internet, totally disconnected with the outside world, after 4 days of not daydreaming and total bed rest, on the 5th day suddenly i got triggered and the way i daydreamed about me and my crush was just real, i was send to a whole different alternate reality, since i was disconnected from outside world, there was no reality that strong that could weaker my daydream story line, my personal record of daydreaming is 12 straight hours of zoning out purely, just took a lunch break or dinner break after that just back on with earplugs with some really good music, probably i require music when i daydream to make it more fast paced with a natural flow. So sometimes i feel if reality interferes with your daydream is probably for your own good, to keep you in control and to save your time, cause probably after you know that your crush likes someone else and not you, daydreams seem to just fade away with emotional pain of course and some bad depression, probably it can end up to physical symptom like headache as well cause you try hard to think to rebuild the plot so that it  make sense and but you cant, so you are forced to stop daydreaming and try hard some other time when you get ideas to make your story look perfect, it can takes days or months for me to forget the real life of my crush to get back to my normal daydreaming story line with her.

Comment if you can relate to what im trying to say.  : ) 

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Comment by James johannes sanford on May 21, 2015 at 5:16am
Daydreaming caused a problem with me when it came to my crush, i would spent so much time daydreaming about how it would be like to be with her that i never (tryed) to be with her, and then a friend at a time who knew at the time that i liked her, swooped in and took her, i wasnt angry, not really, i was disappointed through,
Comment by Richard Quest on April 20, 2015 at 5:55pm

Literally my entire day dream centers around my former crushes. (this may by why the amount of strong, independent, and important female characters is staggering compared to other works of fiction). Every single one of the crushes has something in common: I have had little or no real conversation with them in real life, so it really expands my horizons when it comes to character development and building traits. (I probably should do a blog post on the women of my MD xD). They have formed really as separate people from the people in the real world, and that is probably why I never really tried to talk to them. In one case, I formed a crush on this girl, put her character in my day dream... but then actually succeeded in forming a relationship with her (we're still dating 2 years later) As soon as that happened, it felt weird to have her in my day dream world when I have the real deal right in front of me. So her character remained extremely minor and I rarely refer to it when telling my story in the grand scheme of things. It is also kind of find it weird that I'm day dreaming about other people in a committed relationship, but I get around that fact by saying that the people in my dreams are in no way like the real life people, and that this day dream will one day turn into a great story that I might publish. 

PS my daydream is not about me, it's a future history of the world--more action adventure...

Comment by M on April 20, 2015 at 2:49am

@Cruel ella - I'm glad that it shattered away, after you found out about real him, but for me that's not how it works exactly, i might forget her if i ever find out that she is not what i think she is in my fantasy, maybe she will fade away but for temporary period of time but after few months or so, she might come back to my obsessive daydreams, or as i typed out previously that ill be forced to daydream to be someone that i don't want to, sometimes i feel if i don't daydream at all, if all the characters fade away when i stop DDing my life will become boring, as i don't like being overly social like people now a days, they'are always into something, go club, go swimming, go dancing, go parties and the day never ends for them. I find DD to be interesting cause i get to do whatever i want which real life offers very less.

The whole thing is that i don't want to forget her,  i just want to be able to daydream with the characters the way i want to without real world influencing my daydreams. For the part about bringing people into my daydreams is not in my will completely, if my mind want a certain person to be a apart of my daydream  it will include them, my subconscious mind will do whatever it want in order to make my daydreams feel as real as it can lol, i sound crazy psychotic alien from a different planet  but that's how we function right? MDers. :-)

@Roel Van Rossen and Yanne - I can relate to both of you as i had experienced best of both worlds of falling in love with a celebrity as well as a real person, there is no difference in this honestly, the one thing that's common is we cannot stand the reality of the person we are obsessed with, in reality they are what they are in our daydreams we can just be fine with that but in these situations, the one who is obsessed with celebrity has more vulnerable daydreams as we are used to watching them on tv and movies, so what's happening is right in front of our eyes, for example kissing scene or sex scene, that may happen less with real people obsession, though there is heartbreak and depression involved in both , for this you might just want to take a break go back to your secondary daydreams like fighting in a war against aliens lol if that possible or something as peaceful as traveling to different place, apart from the romantic daydreams, i usually daydream that i'm traveling on a motorcycle to different places and exploring mountains, hilly places that gives the sense of peace to me, they're quite enjoyable daydreams to be honest.

If you think that your daydreams are not really going smoothly as they used to probably you can try different environment than home, what will best work for me is traveling out of the city for two days, in a peaceful environment. that has good impact on our daydreams. You tend to forget most of the negative things that you don't want for your daydreams. : )

Comment by Just Me on April 19, 2015 at 8:41am

Hmm, I usually daydream about fictional characters. Not much about actors/actresses, actually never. It's always fictional or, but in a waaay smaller percent, real people I meet. 

Comment by Roel on April 19, 2015 at 3:05am

I never undrestood what people see in actors/actresses, I am sorry about that. But I have been daydreaming about real existing people a lot. These people where peopel like, for example, a friend of mine that I cared for a lot, and I secretly wished she would fall in love with me, so I could stop trying to block my heart and emotions and could let lose so I could fall in love with her as well. And we could be happy together. I also have had romantic fantasies about random people that I saw walking by on the street or something XD, I won't talk about that. I would like to point out that there is not mutch difference betwee these situations. If you fantasize about -and idealise- your friends, and they suddenly do something that doesn't fit with your dreams, you get sad or mad as well.

For example whene my friend comes crying to me that her crush already has a grilfriend and didn't tell her and she feels hurt. For a moment I feel hurt myself because she was in love with someone othe than me. Which is stupid! I should not be mad at her, I should understand her and help her with that. It is very selfish to think that just because you are always there for your friend, you have more right for being in a relationship with her. But yet for a moment I think like a mean person and I would almost act like a bad friend. For a moment I forget the maingoal of our friendship (helping each others, making fun together, and so on) and I start panicing she doesn't love me, as if that is what's important. I feel like the worst friend because of that. And then I also try to twist my fantasies around and stuff.

I always try to stop myself from making these fantasies and I try to stop my emotions, stop myself from falling in love. It is hard and it hurts actually. I tell myself I am not in love, I make myself uncertain about it untill I no longer knwo what's true. but I can not deny that this very morning I stayed in bed, cuddling some pillows, imagining her lying next to me and kissing me. I am a terrible person, I know.

I always tell my best firend/crush all my problems. Recently she suddenly started telling about her problems to me (which is very reversed, and rare because she is not very emotional, or at leasts she pretents she isn't) and she told me she was sad. And guess what? I became sad and felt a lot of pitty, which is a good reaction, but a part of me was also happy because she also trusts me to tell about her problems. That is just mean of me! I am so angry at myself that that makes me happy! I am a horrible person! It is not okay! It is terrible and I hate myself because of this. She sees me as a friend that always listens and helps her, and at moments I see her like a prey. I feel like I am some sort of vulture circling around her, getting closer and closer whene ever she lets me, and than eventualy I wil poke her eyes out or something! It's not fun! I want to be a good friend, I don't want to be in love! :(

So I am not realy changing storylines because of what happens in reality, I try to destroy them because they make me into something I don't want to be. I hope I will never hurt her :'(

Comment by Ivy White on April 19, 2015 at 2:10am

I've sometimes used actors into my daydreams but always as their character. I don't care about daily life and having a cup of coffee and a normal relationship. Well, let's correct that. I'd love to have a cup of coffee with Dr. Who after having saved the world once more from the daleks, sharing knowing smiles as we have just saved the planet where coffee comes from! and all these people don't know what we know and that sets us apart and then, yes, in that kind of scenario I could totally picture myself doing daily life things, but it's still a character.

What I once had that really shattered my daydreams was when I was still up in my neck into Harry Potter, we were between book 4 and 5 and I had thought out and written out all of the next books in my mind (and some part of them in real) and the fifth came out. I was so disappointed I stopped reading Harry Potter entirely. It really exploded my daydream world. Same with Star Wars when the new episodes came out, now I was totally obsessed about it at some point and now I just go "meh". So on one hand it's normal that you'd bend your daydreams to allow you to keep them.

Right now though my main character is both a character that exists in a series of stories and has her own things, and I am having a completely alternative storyline and don't bother much about what happens to her in the stories, even though I love watching it. It's actually the first time I manage to really create an alternative identity that exists only inside my head and that reality doesn't threaten.

Comment by Cruel Ella on April 18, 2015 at 10:30pm

A couple of years ago I had a crush on a famous actor (not going to tell his name. Even though I usually daydreamed about the characters he played, it was ultimately the actor himself that I was in love with. If any other actors had played those characters, I wouldn't have cared about them at all.

Even though I never actually daydreamed about being his girlfriend, my love for him did border on the obsessive. I had a shrine to him in my room. I talked about him so much on another forum that other posters there knew me as "The [Actor's Name] Girl". One poster even joked that I was so obsessed with the actor that I must secretly have him tied up and locked in my basement. It even got so bad that at one point I flat-out told another poster that she had to stop using images of the actor as her avatar because it was "my thing".

Then I made the mistake of trying to learn more about who the actor was as a real person. What I discovered was that he is nothing like his characters. He is bitter, cynical and ungrateful for the life he has been given. He acts like being so handsome and so famous that everyone in the world wants him is a curse. My romantic image of him was completely shattered. I began to resent being known as "The [Actor's Name] Girl", but it was a reputation I had built for myself and couldn't easily escape. Due to both my disappointment with the actor's true personality as well as the fact that people wouldn't stop associating me with him, I started really resenting him.

Ever since then, I have sworn off bringing real people (including characters from live-action shows) into my imaginary world. The only exceptions to this rule are people who I know in real life (particularly my family and my former best friend from when I was like 12), since I have a solid grasp of who they are as real people and would never allow my imaginary versions of them to spill over into reality.

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