What helps?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Now that we've had some time to think about this & discuss it, let's start creating a plan to help.  Let's try and make a list that we can refer to & refer others to.  Here's my question:

What helps? 

Not just what helps you stop daydreaming.  This is a condition we need to learn to live with. 

What helps in any way possible?  Interpret that in every way possible, and be as specific as possible. 

Some ways you can think of it:

What helps make your life better?

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

What makes your daydreams more productive?

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

What helps you feel stronger?

What helps you feel safer?

What helps you feel more confident?

Let’s act like we’re compiling a list of things to tell new people who’re just figuring out they’re going through this & are not sure what to do.  What advice would you give them to help them feel more empowered?

[Soundz]

I have few tricks to immediately or at least somewhat quickly get focus:

 

1. When sunny stare for a minute to a point close to the sun (of course avoid the sun or you will get your eyes damaged)

2. Deeply breathe few times, especially trough the nose. Oxygen intake gets faster to the brain, when taken trough the nose. Concentration guaranteed.

3. Stare at a green tree somewhere outside the building if in the office. Try focusing on a specific leaf or branch. Helps alot.

4. Fresh air. Breezy. If in the office - get out or at least go to an open window for a while.

5. Go to the street and try to talk to strangers and make friends. May sound kinky but when adrenaline gets high, I get more concentrated.

 

Hope that helps. Probably the best solution is simply to have a more happy and healthy life. But in reality we rarely get such.

 

I just discovered that sharing all this also makes me focused.

[Beth W]

One thing that helps me when I know I need to focus on something is I "stream" the real world into the one in my mind. If I need to do homework or listen to a lecture, then the characters in my mind are charged with a like task. That way I can not only pay attention but also explore, in a sense.

[roxanne]

I agree.  I regularly do the same thing.

[thetxbelle]

"I'm constantly reliving old scenarios along with new ones I create. I still relive ones from as far back as 17 years, no joke"

 

--- I am the EXACT same way.

[TheMisanthrope]

HI Darren ,

I have been in therapy for daydreaming for a really long time.  What helped me a lot was seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. Its a very practical approach which focuses on helping the client to identify certain thinking processes which lead to undesirable behavior. It helped me to basically "watch the thoughts" popping into my head.  the biggest lesson I learned about myself  is that I am a super anxious person.

 Fear of life , terror of the mundane , a need to be exceptional and special , adored, confident. The obsession with all of these things is NORMAL . The response however is not .  We are not pathologically narcissistic  .  I think I am just afraid - in general of the ordinary because I had built up such high imaginary expectations through fantasy. Its not easy to accept yourself entirely , your body , relationships , environment , job,  but I realized eventually that the people and things i did love in reality ,I was killing everytime i drifted off.

Reality  can really suck but so does incessant daydreaming.  Its all about acceptance , not beating yourself up and fighting the mistaken belief that there is nothing out there, outside of your head , that can fulfill just as much as daydreaming.  MD is a quick fix. Engaging in life is full of disappointments, In accepting that fact I've matured .  Therapy sometimes gives you new eyes. I also have more of a fight in me. But don't go to therapy in you don't really want to change. Some people don't see MD as an affliction but a gift of sorts. I'm too old and missed out on too much to feel that way. Anyway there is help - always

have hope.

 

 

 

 

[Nicola]

The only time I can remember, when my daydreaming was at a minimum, was when I was with my ex. It was short lived and quite a rollercoaster of a relationship. We fell in love very quickly, then after a couple months of blissful happiness, things turned nasty and after 6 months I walked away. But for those 2 or 3 months when we were happy, we were inseparable and although I did still daydream, it was drastically reduced, because I was with him and when I dud daydream, it was about me, as I am and not about my alter ego. So I guess being around people who make you happy would help reduce daydreams. I know when I'm with friends, I barely daydream. The problem is when I want to daydream instead of going to see friends.
In terms of studying, I found limiting my workload and setting small goals helped. For example I'd say to myself, if I can search for a certain topic in a couple of books and read a bit about it and make a few notes, then that's good for today. So I would. And then the next day, I would write my findings into my essay and leave it at that for that day. It would take me almost two weeks to write the full essay, but I found that small tasks are easier to accomplish.
My daydreams come from pretty much anywhere, hearing a song I like, watching a movie a like, experiences in my daily life, reading about things. Almost anything can trigger a daydream in me. But one thing I have noticed is that I rarely come out of a daydream on a happy note. I daydream about being happy and pretty and successful and loved, but wen I'm coming out of a daydream I always have to bring something sad and tragic into the storyline, so I always feel sad when I wake up. I'm not sure why this happens.
I know some people try to focus on being happy and successful in their real lives to reduce the need to daydream about a better life. Iv found that this has the opposite effect for me, particularly in terms of studying and work. Just when i think I'm getting somewhere in my life ie. settled in work life, passing essays, completing placements, my daydreams become more intense. It's like my brain it reminding me to not get to focused on real life and remember my fantasy world. Like with my ex, after a couple months of reduced daydreaming, they came back with a vengeance. It's like I can't ever achieve what I want because the daydreams get in the way and mess it up.
I think everyone experiences this differently and has different coping mechanisms. I guess it's about each person figuring out what works best for them.

[Becca]

Y'know what's weird? I find that having a song stuck in my head (concentrating on a song) is much less distracting than daydreaming and also prevents daydreaming (because you cant focus on what people say in your DDs). This might only work for me though.

[roxanne]

I didn't realize I did this until I read this here.  I don't know if I do it for that purpose, but I often have a song stuck in my head, and that's all I can think of.   Or it may be just another way to stop thinking/worrying/ruminating - a purpose DD'ing serves so well.  The song just takes less energy, less thought and still shuts off my mind.  Something to think about.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I always have a song stuck in my head as well, but it's no fun.  It's more like an obsessive thought I can't get out of my head, and it only makes me more anxious.  I have really bad OCD though.  I often get repetitive thoughts stuck in my head.  I don't enjoy it.  

[Becca]

This sounds silly, but every time I DD by making up a story I'm a little ashamed of it because it never happened and isn't real. If I concentrate on a song, then it's evidence that it exists and makes me feel better. :S

roxanne said:

I didn't realize I did this until I read this here.  I don't know if I do it for that purpose, but I often have a song stuck in my head, and that's all I can think of.   Or it may be just another way to stop thinking/worrying/ruminating - a purpose DD'ing serves so well.  The song just takes less energy, less thought and still shuts off my mind.  Something to think about.

[Becca]

Oh, I'm sorry :(

So you're looking for ways to clear your mind completely? Probably someone mentioned meditation. You focus all of your thoughts on one thing (ex. the light of a candle) and it helps you relax your mind. I tried it in my Psychology class last year and it worked pretty well.

Cordellia Amethyste Rose said:

I always have a song stuck in my head as well, but it's no fun.  It's more like an obsessive thought I can't get out of my head, and it only makes me more anxious.  I have really bad OCD though.  I often get repetitive thoughts stuck in my head.  I don't enjoy it.  

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I can't meditate.  My brain is too busy and active.  It's constantly buzzing.  Trust me.  I'm 31 and tried everything.  If it worked, I'd know by now.