What does a person on the outside do?

[searching mom]

I have a daughter who is a MDDr.  She acknowledges that she does this, but doesn't see a way to stop.  I have tried to encourage her to use some of the methods here and she is starting counseling again in a few weeks.  I just don't know what to do to help her....as someone with MDD do you want a reality check (seems like she gets angry when we point it out)? Do you want the triggers removed? Do you want someone to remind you that your real life may not be perfect, but it can be better if you spend time in it? She is 23, no social contacts whatsoever that are her age.  If you could tell someone how to help you...what would you say?

[Filly]

Beautifully written.
I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.
I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in.

[Source]

Support doesn't have to be active to be effective. People who are stuck out of reality can't be pulled back in, they have to find their own way to re-sync with the world around them, and the more value they find in it the easier it will be. By simply showing that you genuinely care, even if you don't think you're really doing anything, you're adding to that value.

Filly said:

Beautifully written.
I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.
I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in.

[searching mom]

Kitt,  Thank you for your comments.  I think you are correct that it has become a default for my daughter also. If you don't mind me asking, how did you meet your husband? She has been in two relationships but now has no interest and no social outlet.  Does he know that you still do this?  I'm encouraged at your progress and I know she will be too.  

Kitt Coltrane said:

Searching, I used MDD as a coping mechanism for childhood abuse. Now, it is my natural default when I feel uncertain, fearful and scared. I like my MDD because it is a safe place to fall. I pretend in my real life as I go through motions, settled for things because I was taught I was worthless. I pretended so well, I ended up with a normal life. I seem to have a big personality, a loving marriage, lots of friends, and a great relationship w/h wonderful sisters. I’m successful. Yet, I still spend 2-3 hours everyday DD. It is because of DD that I can adjust to my life, that I can accept mediocrity, that I can live without violent and chaotic reactions to triggers. 

Your daughter had a rough start, as did I, but what she has that I didn’t is a mother who loves her. I dissociated so much when I was a child that I never learned how to feel safe, loved, wanted, or happy. So I’ve faked it and now after years of loving myself and developing my inner child properly with years of intense therapy, I’m truly seeing worth and value. If you met me, you would think I was the most put together and amazing person. And I am, just not how others describe that image. I survived and I’m happy. I also still DD because I learned how to utilize it to help me feel safe and wanted. Your daughter can learn how to adjust to her MDD. She can deal with her pain and feelings of worthlessness with therapy. She just has to see what is at stake if she doesn’t. Ask her to come here and read. 

We MDDers aren’t broken, we are just trying to cope with pain and internal struggles we didn’t have the tools for so we made up our own. 

[searching mom]

The fact that you are here learning about it, shows you care.  I was excited when I found this site, and also a name for what my daughter does, but when I talked to her about it she didn't even go online and research.  I'm sure she wants to protect the world that helps protect her.  As many people have told me on here, the fantasy is better than the reality so there is no switch to just flip.  Camoran has great advice, just being supportive is so helpful.  Inviting him out and engaging in everyday activities...even a texting conversation...will put him in touch with a real person.  I also read some great advice that I talked to my daughter about (sorry I can't give credit to who wrote it, can't remember)...it was about incorporating the person you want to be into the person you are.  If you choose things like eating healthy, working out, etc, then you are doing something positive for you in reality.  All anyone needs in life is one good friend!

Filly said:

Beautifully written.
I have a good friend who dreams. I told him about this site and he just listened but does not share much. He tries hard to interact with the real world, holds a driving job, dances and reads.
I would do anything I can to help him but he holds so much in.