About Erataia's Post

[Eren Kas]

I have read all of the posts of Erataia. I e-mailed her, messaged her, she tried to help me but I think she kinda bored  of me. She is'nt reponding me now. So I wanted to ask you people. It's been 1 years since I found her post. I readed so many times. But nothing changed. Me and my therapist dont understand her posts. We are fighting. I'm defending her posts but we couldnt solve the problem yet. I'm thinking to suicidie sometimes. But dead dont work. Sleep dont work.. But I rather be dead, being a dead person dont hurt like when you are in void in real life. Or never ending dreams. Whatever, Im always hoping to success but my hopes are dying to like my preseverance. So please, someone tell me, where should I start. I tried a lot of things, I analyzed my dreams, tried to push them to real me, tried to force myself to stop, used some pills for schizophrenics. I am 16 years old. Schools started and I have exams to work. I cant even focus I cant remembery anything about last 1 hour how the heck I can remember maths, history etc.

Whatever. This is my last hope. I need your helps. Sorry for bad English btw.

[Jen]

Sorry Eren, I'm answering more in sympathy than offering a solution. It's rough is excessive daydreaming. I was in your position aged 16, I pulled out of it eventually basically by upping my social life ie real life boyfriends, parties, leaving home etc, though it was a gradual phase out rather than a sudden stop. I remember making a diary and trying to fill something for each day, even it was something like going to the shops, because I felt I had to make real things happen.
Though having said all that I'm back to square one now in middle age, and I'm wondering how to pull out of it this time round. I can really appreciate the insistence of a little voice wittering on inside your head all the time. In my case I suspect it's hormonal ie menopause, which makes me wonder it was hormonal first time round too, which is good if it is because hormones stabilise eventually.
Did you daydream as a child? And did they go out of control in your teenage years? Maybe you're like me and found teenage years tough and the daydreaming is an escape, a symptom rather than a cause, or rather a coping method that has gone awry.

[Alison]

Hey! Ok, the thing is no post here (by me, Eretaia, anyone else) can be the total sheer truth for every single person. Everyone speaks from their own experience and sometimes research. 

My opinion is life is unpredictable and you never know what post, therapist or person would turn out right for you. What influenced me was certain people on my way, some inspiring works of arts and tbh antidepressants. Also analyzing my DDs, exploring their patterns, looking for causes and reason of these certain patterns and how I may drive them into real life (or at least into writing). And all of it took a very long time, and isn't finished yet. Your ways might differ.

Maybe, you should try and attend another therapist if this one cannot help you. Speak to people here, write in blogs and/or discussions, discuss your problems - sometimes just understanding you're not alone in your trouble eases lots of pain. Besides, if you find someone who daydreams the same way as you, it can be very interesting for both of you. Don't consider your DDs something truly hostile and bad - or they will go even more severe. You know when I was a student, I tried to combine my studies and DDng (it went especially good with languages and history, as you can put your own characters there). And I'd also recommend to try and work with your therapist not on the DDng part of your personality, but on the 'outer', real part.

But ofc all I mentioned works for me, it may not work for everyone. Besides, the process may take months and years - Rome wasn't built in a day. Whatever you choose to do, try to find delight in every single step you take.

As for Eretaia's post, I read it - and even though I found many descriptions very reasonable, my approach differs a lot. That doesn't make either of us right or wrong, and no one can fully depend on just a single opinion. Just you read her view, now you read mine, you may also go through the site and find a few other views - then try what you liked the most and see what goes better for you.

[Eren Kas]

Thank you all, your comments makes me stronger. I'm still trying my best but İ'm obsessed about "cure". Is that right? Because everything could be fine if I wouldn't DD.

Btw Jen, I didn't understand you because my English not very good but I am daydreaming since 1,5 years and Im sure its a coping mechanism and it helps me to escape from bad things.

And Alison, thank you very much for your comments about MD. I want to be a psychologist and I am studying it outside of the school. Not because of MD, because I like it. And I have some ideas too. That was very good suggestion. Thanks again.

I have emailed Eli Somer and he just said simply "Im working on it here is my website blah blah" I dont trust him. Even Erataia, my therapist, WE made better than him since he discovered this.

[Eren Kas]

And Jen, I forgot to thank you. Please keep writing me!

[Jen]

Eren you speak brilliant English! What I meant was (not explaining myself too well) was when I was a child, like you I daydreamed all the time, but they were positive, imaginative daydreams that contributed to my life in a good way. It was only as a teenager it went wrong and they became obsessive and all encompassing. I was lonely and bullied at school so I suppose it was a coping mechanism. I also think teenage hormones played a large part. It's no coincidence that now, reaching menopause and the hormones fluctuating all over the place again, and feeling insecure and a failure that the daydreams have come back.
The good thing is you have an insight and an awareness into what is happening to you and that must surely help. I didn't have a clue! I told no-one, thought I was mad and had no understanding that hormones affect you mentally as well as physically - such things were not discussed. My Mum even said PMT was made up! I think if only I'd been a little more forgiving to myself and had someone to talk to it may have been better. So keep talking! That's all I can say...

[rose]

Hello Eren,

I will tell you about my experience in curing Daydreaming. I was daydreaming since I knew my self. I do not remember myself without daydreaming. I tried many times to stop and I failed. I was daydreaming while listening to music and pacing. I was daydreaming about stories and imaginary people who are not exist at all in my life so it was not like talking to yourself and I loved those imaginary people so deeply that I could not stop daydreaming about them. I have read Erataia post also and it did not work for me either but I surly agree with her Daydreaming is addiction so you must treat it like any other addiction. So, I searched the YouTube about how to get rid of addiction for long time and nothing help until I found this link talking about the easy way to stop smoking for Allen Carr. Maybe you will say what the relationship between smoking and daydreaming? Actually, they are the same both of them are addiction and the root of all kind of addiction is one.

After I have watched the video and I also read the book for Allen Carr so I get more details about his way to stop the addiction of smoking. Finally, I could cut my headphone for the first time in my life. Also, I was addicted to caffeine and I get rid also of this addiction. Now I drink coffee and tea in small amount and daydreaming about real people in my life like if you are talking to yourself but I am working in reducing the amount of this talking to yourself too because a lot of it is negative and it is affecting my happiness.

Finally, I can live my real life. In the past, I was so attached to daydreaming and this attachment ruined a lot of things in my life. But now I am free.

The most important thing that I want you to notice while watching the video is "imagine they are talking about daydreaming not about smoking and know that the boredom and the bad feeling that they are taking about which caused by nicotine actually caused by addiction and it is all psychic condition and all addicted people have the same feelings it has nothing to do with nicotine".

And know your real enemy who is causing boredom and bad feelings is your addiction to daydreaming. Daydreaming does not help with coping with bad feelings actually daydreaming causing more stress, boredom and bad feelings in your life. You do not need it at all. You can face all bad days and bad feelings without it. And know if you scape to daydreaming you will cause more harm than good. Forget about finding the wrong thing in your life that make you daydream because you will never find it the only wrong thing in your life which make it bad is your addiction. Get rid of it. Stop it all together.

All the pleasure that you feel while you are daydreaming is illusion. Daydreaming is making your life horrible. It is the reason why you do not feel happy in your life.

There is nothing in your life is causing daydreaming. You are daydreaming because you think you need it to feel happy. And fortunately, you do not know that the daydreaming is why you do not feel happy.

 

Here is the like ( the link subtitles is in Arabic because it is my own language but they are talking in English if English is difficult for you try to find another one with subtitles in your own language):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cX-hMaR8Ymw

my best wishes for you.

[Source]

You cannot stop daydreaming by force, you will only waste energy and time if you try to do that. It's like when a tree's branches are being flung around like whips because of a strong wind. Trying to hold the branches in place is a waste of time, the wind is the problem.

In fact, trying to treat MDD itself is also a waste of time. It's just a symptom, an effect of something else, something hidden deeper in your mind. The solution exists, but only you can find it. You need to search your mind, your memories, your feelings, and that search can take a lot of effort and time and pain. The rest of us can try to help of course, but we can't enter your mind and help you find what caused all that daydreaming.

[Alison]

Eren Kas said:

Thank you all, your comments makes me stronger. I'm still trying my best but İ'm obsessed about "cure". Is that right? Because everything could be fine if I wouldn't DD.

This is not really right, in fact. Any kind of obsession can't be right. Being obsessed with the cure, you can't fully recover.

First, becoz the constant 'I mustn't DD' thought will be frequently reminding you of DDng itself and thus it'll only make you go back to DDs. That also has to do with your attitude to yourself. When you try to ban all the DDs from your mind, it's like you punish yourself, depriving of what your mind likes the most. No one ever likes punishments, so it will only make your inner self want to 'rebel' and long for more daydreams.

Second, imagine a person who's broken his/her leg. When the cast is off, you still can't run a marathon right away - becoz the leg needs to gain back its strength and ability to walk after a long rest. Putting lots of pressure on it will only make it worse. Here it's similar - your mind isn't accustomed to lots of real life without any shelter from it. If you just drown into life, communication and studies, you may not hold all this pressure, and the drawback will be most severe.

I like the way Source describes it. Each of us has our own solution. You can find lots of help here - even the right person with the right story or with a good ability to listen to you might do a lot for your progress. But again people here are also a part of the outer world, that's why communication matters. Search for reasons and desires in your DDng themes and plots, exlore their patterns, the similarities between your themes and plots, find out how it all started. That will make you understand them better, but it's not the whole solution! It's more about the whole reason why you DD all the time, but not why you, for example, don't do your  homework or don't communicate with people the way you'd like to.

Don't forget about the real world stuff! For example, you need to do your maths home task, but you start to DD instead. Your problem is not that you start to DD, but that you don't do the task. Believe me, if you wasn't DDng, you'd start browsing your youtube or facebook newsfeed instead. If your Internet was off, you'd find some other way to procrastinate. So, the major problem is concentration and procrastination. 

[Eren Kas]

Thanks for all replies. I am in school now. School makes me bad. I feel myself in a void in class. I can't even speak, I am in a gray zone. So, as I understand, there are two steps of cure. First, getting rid of addiction, means staying in gray zone, second, awaking yourself, approaching real self. I know the reason why Im DDing. How can I approach them? When communicating with people I can feel my emotions better. Or listening a dramatic music, I am slowly feeling something. But when in boredom, like when reading something, studying something Im starting to DD. How can I keep that in hand? How can I stay alive?

[Dnivog97]

Thank you Rose. Your post is really helpful.

rose said:

Hello Eren,

I will tell you about my experience in curing Daydreaming. I was daydreaming since I knew my self. I do not remember myself without daydreaming. I tried many times to stop and I failed. I was daydreaming while listening to music and pacing. I was daydreaming about stories and imaginary people who are not exist at all in my life so it was not like talking to yourself and I loved those imaginary people so deeply that I could not stop daydreaming about them. I have read Erataia post also and it did not work for me either but I surly agree with her Daydreaming is addiction so you must treat it like any other addiction. So, I searched the YouTube about how to get rid of addiction for long time and nothing help until I found this link talking about the easy way to stop smoking for Allen Carr. Maybe you will say what the relationship between smoking and daydreaming? Actually, they are the same both of them are addiction and the root of all kind of addiction is one.

After I have watched the video and I also read the book for Allen Carr so I get more details about his way to stop the addiction of smoking. Finally, I could cut my headphone for the first time in my life. Also, I was addicted to caffeine and I get rid also of this addiction. Now I drink coffee and tea in small amount and daydreaming about real people in my life like if you are talking to yourself but I am working in reducing the amount of this talking to yourself too because a lot of it is negative and it is affecting my happiness.

Finally, I can live my real life. In the past, I was so attached to daydreaming and this attachment ruined a lot of things in my life. But now I am free.

The most important thing that I want you to notice while watching the video is "imagine they are talking about daydreaming not about smoking and know that the boredom and the bad feeling that they are taking about which caused by nicotine actually caused by addiction and it is all psychic condition and all addicted people have the same feelings it has nothing to do with nicotine".

And know your real enemy who is causing boredom and bad feelings is your addiction to daydreaming. Daydreaming does not help with coping with bad feelings actually daydreaming causing more stress, boredom and bad feelings in your life. You do not need it at all. You can face all bad days and bad feelings without it. And know if you scape to daydreaming you will cause more harm than good. Forget about finding the wrong thing in your life that make you daydream because you will never find it the only wrong thing in your life which make it bad is your addiction. Get rid of it. Stop it all together.

All the pleasure that you feel while you are daydreaming is illusion. Daydreaming is making your life horrible. It is the reason why you do not feel happy in your life.

There is nothing in your life is causing daydreaming. You are daydreaming because you think you need it to feel happy. And fortunately, you do not know that the daydreaming is why you do not feel happy.

 

Here is the like ( the link subtitles is in Arabic because it is my own language but they are talking in English if English is difficult for you try to find another one with subtitles in your own language):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cX-hMaR8Ymw

my best wishes for you.