60 year MD Journey

[Lynn E.]

My name is Evelyn and I have, unknowingly, had MD for more than 60 yrs. 

My mother wanted a boy instead of a girl when I was born and she went into post pardum depression ,of which I don't think she fully recovered. My sister was  5 yrs old and my brother was 3 yrs old at the time of my birth. Mom and dad were disciplinarians, so I got slapped  by both for very minor things and whipped with switches and belts for other things

.I think I must have started daydreaming at age 6 due to being left out of most of the family events ( birthday parties for my sister where I would peep through the window at the big party she had and the pretty dresses she wore.They would eat cake and had fun dancing). There were boat rides , house parties, ball games ,..none of which I was allowed to attend. So, I began daydreaming about being in the movies and a part of something important. But, mostly about being accepted. MD really began to over power me in middle school and high school,.I would spend hours daydreaming...I could barely concentrate , but I did graduate with my class.

Due to the lack of social interaction , fear of my dad , and living in unreality with MD, I developed chronic anxiety , fear of rejection, fear of man, paranoia and personality disorder which has lasted for about 60 yrs. Both of my parent are dead now , but I don't think they realized what they were doing at the time .

It is sad to say, I never really got to know them,...even though I took care of them  in their latter days (80-84 yrs old).

I recently found out the name of the disorder I have been suffering with most of my life. For years MD was a daily challenge just to keep my focus on positive things .I knew that something was terrible wrong.I married over 42 yrs ago and I didn't know why my husband could not (would not )  try to relate to me and to show me love and compassion . I sincerely tried everything under the sun but nothing never worked.

God is truly the answer !  I've found that prayer and seeking the face of God is the ONLY answer to this dreadful disorder which  has costed me most of my life. I'm well into my healing process by faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior!!!

May God bless each of you and His healing virtue flow your way!

[Ulaan Gom]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have faith that things will get better for all of us, even though it may not seem like that at the moment.

[Kali_Maa]

Thank you Evelyn for sharing your experience and for you message of faith and hope.

[Rose]

Thanks for your post Evelyn. I am still on a spiritual journey myself, but know of many people who have found God and have had their lives changed.