I vanished for a while.  I have since lost that job I absolutely hated and found a part-time job which I don't mind but it certainly doesn't help my student loans and affording health care.  Bleh!

Anyway, I actually came back, in particular, to see if anyone mentioned that "walter Mitty" film since I know we dabbled about it a few months ago.  I would like to see it but I'm not very social so I'll wait for it to come out with Rebox or Netflix and watch it. 

As a general update I'm at a much lower point in life than I would have expected, but aside from MD I have had no success ridding it, but I must admit I also haven't been trying-- instead I fall into the comfort and neglect to remember it's not actually helping since I've gotten into a negative storyline to match my real life and I think it's mentally making me worse.  

I have been doing a lot of reading lately, and some video game playing but I'm really looking forward to some kind of insurance simply because aside from this, I've never been so depressed and apathetic in life and I need some kind of treatment.  I hate meds. but right now I can't handle my own attitude so hopefully in time something blows my way. 

All the dreaming aside over the past few months I've at least come to terms with what is realistic and what isn't as far as prospects revolving my 'dream life.'  As much as they always fall on some kind of entertainer ordeal-- it's simply not a match, haha.  The odds of a "new John Waters" needing a weirdo like myself and them doing shor films and needing someone inexperienced to take oddball parts?  Extremely rare.  On top of that, one of my problems in general is talking out loud-- I hate it. (No phones, etc.  Don't talk in groups, etc.) Plus showing emotion has always been embarassing-- as in getting very vocal, it's very uncomfortable.  I think I lack some part of the brain, sometimes! LOL. 

Anyway, so I think I'm going to just keep reading and maybe try to write a book, however, I have no desire for expressing my fantasies out-- I actually hate fiction!  Bizarre I know.  I think because I know how they play in my head reading one is very boring, and writing one is exhausting. So many details-- I'd never be done re-editing.  

So instead I want to do a sort of gonzo-diary with my twisted perspective.  Mostly for personal vindication simply because 1- no job 2- family drives me insane 3- no close friends 4- kinda broke, and at least it will keep me busy and give me less time to daydream and more time to just sort-of vent and occupy myself. I have no intentions on making money off of it, but if I actually get it done-- hey, 2.99 ebooks on amazon?  Even if 5 random people buy it that's a few bucks I didn't have. lol! 

So that is that.  Trying to keep my humor up and just pass time. As much as I want this gone in my life, at least it also helps to pass time.  

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Comment by Queen Dopamine on December 30, 2013 at 8:01pm

Hi Joey, I think it would be cool to see your personal essays/journal entries. I'm always interested in people's fantasy storylines, even if they just post it on here, but if that's not your thing, I understand! Before I joined this forum, I had no desire to write mine down. Rather, I did, but I became frustrated. A group that Jennifer started inspired me to do it though. It's been fascinating. Anyway, regardless of what you write as an outlet, I think it's a good idea and I would be curious in seeing it.

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