Outside my head

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is going to sound annoying. Living in a town for 29 years, all I ever heard by others is that I'm so quiet. They literally couldn't get a word out of me. I was too busy daydreaming in my head to realize how I looked on the outside. I actually never knew it made me look stupid. Non-family can be vigorous that way. I always used MD as a way to escape my frustrations, but it did me more harm that good, so I had to quit. It was the best decision I made. 

What reasons did you start doing MD? We're their any social issues involved that triggered this? 

[Kiruba Victor]

Me too, I'll get my second vaccination in another 2 weeks probably, since it's been more than a week from my first one. I also want to go out and meet my friends again.

I wish I was taught on how to get relationships and all that, but all I was taught at home was to get good grades XD. I hope my adult life which is about to start would be better.

If someone can't talk, it doesn't mean that they have an attitude for others to react mean. I myself have often felt hurt for people not talking and I overthink on things a lot, which I should reduce often.

I don't think it has anything to do with extroversion. You can be an introvert and still talk to people. maybe not with the same energy as an extrovert, but that doesn't mean you can't talk. It's just that socializing drains introverts while it charges extroverts.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When my dad told me to get out and socialize with people. He knew what he was talking about. I kept on getting rejected by people over the same problem—and they pitied me for not finding my own friends. If I had stayed extravert and socially active, I would've successfully found people who are just like me. What I did instead was immerse myself in MD and imagine things that don't exist. When everybody else was living life and going for what they wanted. That's probably why I failed. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Well, I'm getting my second vaccination in three weeks. After that, it will be Ok to speak to others in person. 
I expected to be in a relationship since I was 20. The mistake that I made was to not socialize. I was a closet geek and didn't go out at night. My dad always had conversations with me in my youth to make friends and develop relationships. I was a very quiet and self-conscious person who often did my own things. Now I actually regret how I behaved. 

When I was a teen, I believed my adulthood was going to improve, be better and happier and more social. I was wrong, and I stayed being the same person. I had trouble growing and developing and still had trouble approaching others. So nobody knew that I was there, or that I even existed. 

After college, I believed that simply making myself be seen would solve my problem. It didn't. I just roamed and drifted around my home frontier, thinking my own thoughts, but not actually interacting with people. I remember when I was surrounded by people, whether at work or at a camp, somebody would come over to me and criticize how extremely quiet I was and that I had to interact with them. I often stood there like a pole and kept to myself in a periphery. 

I learned the hard way that humans will pay no attention to people who don't know how to socialize and show that they're friendly. In fact, they'll get mean and angry, and assume you have no friends. 

[Kiruba Victor]

I'm under the hope that I'll at least be in a relationship before 30. Most people are like that. They react based on first assumptions, when the fact is that very little will be known with that. Some people will take it farther to get to know others. I've made some mistakes of judging people as intimidating when in reality, they were chill people. I would definitely talk to a person and know them better and if it's not good in the way that they can be hurtful, I stop contact. But if they're good people, I would take it further.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I mean the prospect of a live-in partner/spouse never comes. How can I be so stupid? I know better how everybody gets when they meet me in person. They act like I have no head on my shoulders. How different did I expect it was going to be in my future? I think that's a dangerous assumption I made on my part. Thinking I'm going to marry in my 20's or 30's. 

[Kiruba Victor]

Yeah, we're very much active. Talking to you has kind of become like a daily ritual I enjoy.

People will judge according to set parameters in their heads. You can't impress everyone. All we need is just people who will at least put effort to understand us. Even if it's a few.

Yeah, my whole student life got messed up because of this and the impact is hard on my adult life as well. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think I misunderstood the meaning of working hard in school and supporting oneself without needing somebody else to take care of me.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I spent my whole life around the wrong crowds of people who find me quite a weird person. I'm not looking forward to the fact I may face more people like this. Hopefully I can find a group that's more like me. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yeah, active aren't we? 

[Kiruba Victor]

By the way, I just realized that we scored a double century comments XD. We've come quite a long way, haven't we :D