I could and couldn't

[Mai Xiong]

I imagined my character finding love. I saw her went through hardships. I imagined her meeting him. I imagined her getting pregnant. I imagined two beautiful fraternal twin--a girl and a boy. I could feel the love for these two children. They were beautiful with the color of their father's eyes and hairs.

What I couldn't imagine was love. I couldn't imagined how intense their love is or how it develop. I couldn't bring this man to life. I can't truly feel him.

 

This says something. I lack experience.

 

Sometimes, I wonder what I think about something is even real. Is it all in my mind? I understand my MDD is all in my mind, but sometimes I wonder if my feeling toward a subject is real or am I fooling myself into believing I feel what I feel?

Lol, with how much I question myself and my own sanity I could probably major in sociology already. They do specialize in answering the why.

[The1andonlyAbber]

I experienced many different things when I was younger, except for the feeling of power and control. My daydreams usually centered around being the leader of a group of outcasts, or being alone but having some sort of superpower. In my current daydream, I'm the queen of an alien civilization.

[Queen Dopamine]

I think many of us here can relate to you, if not all of us. You feeling these things toward your characters and the events that happen in your fantasy world could very well be a stand-in for what you've never had in real life, or what you didn't have enough of. 

For me, I focus strongly on scenes where my main character receives attention and validation in ways that I always craved, but never properly received (especially from my parents). Other scenes, like the romance scenes, or emotional conflict where two characters argue...well, that makes less sense to me. I feel those emotions, too, but maybe it just helps me to sort out problems and how to argue and how to handle difficult situations.