Events here have somewhat of a talent for repeating

The recent flow of new users and their stories has made me reflect on how history in this place keeps looping.
I've been here since 2014 and I've seen people come and go, each with their distinct points of view, ideals and goals. Some were open to discussion and conversation while others remained silent. A select few managed to remove the 'maladaptive' in front of their daydreaming and got out of here "victorious".

Those who wrote down their stories, either in posts or in the chatroom, would talk about ever different things, but all of them intersected at the same point.
Almost all of them would say that they've been carrying this condition around for a relatively long time, that they didn't know it had a name, that they felt negatively unique and alone, and that they were glad to have found a place - this place - where their uniqueness was no longer a defect and they weren't alone anymore.

Their approach to this condition would differ from person to person. Some were saddened and desperate for help, others offered to help. Some would call it a curse, some would call it a blessing, and many would either say or imply that it's a bit of both.
I've seen impressive works created by some of them: characters, stories, lives, entire universes built and developed in each and every detail, fairy tales and hellish nightmares alike.

All of this comes at a price. It's always a loss of something, be it perception, attachment or contact with the world outside our skull. Many of us have lost friendships, relationships or opportunities to a parallel world that gives nothing for free.

In short, we pay with time. Many of us have seen it, felt it, pass through us as we let our creations hold our attention, only to wake up at some point far off in the future from when we fell asleep, often to the realization that much has slipped out of our grasp while we weren't looking.

Control seems to be the key to enjoying the benefits of this simulation engine in our heads without succumbing to the drawbacks, but control demands will, which raises the question "Do I want this to stop?".
This question has never been answered firmly by anyone I've known or seen. Many charge ahead with the intention of getting rid of all this, but when faced with the ultimate decision they backpedal.

The lack of daydreaming comes at a price, as does its presence. True, having it has a spectrum of drawbacks, but removing these drawbacks results in the disappearance of the positive effects the engine can have. Is it not difficult to let go of the only place that gives a feeling of belonging and 'home', no matter how fake and dishonest? If the only thing that we feel as ours is removed, what are we left with?

My compassion goes out to all who end up with 'nothing' for an answer.

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Comment by Camoran on February 21, 2016 at 1:00pm

I don't remember ever having lived without it, I don't know what it's like not to have this filter over my eyes. As a kid, at some point I wound up with it in my head and it's been there since then.
Everything I came into contact with was always altered by the engine, ideas, situations, feelings, actions, you name it. Everything always had more than one meaning in more than one scenario, all at the same time, but no one could see it, no one could understand and I wouldn't bother with explaining so no one knew.

Even now I can't be sure of anything, I can't even trust my own memories because they're infected and corrupted by it, and when someone tells me that I'm a detached person, they're more right than they think.

Comment by Rachel on February 19, 2016 at 7:15pm

Source, I really like your little essay going on here.  I enjoyed reading it. As for the question of "Do I want this to stop?", for me, the first time I had my daydreaming (between the ages 11 - 14-ish, as you already know), I knew that I didn't want it to stop. I knew this for a fact. However, it stopped anyway, and at first, I was really devastated that it was gone. Eventually, though, I got used to it not being around, and even came to the conclusion that I didn't want it to come back. Well, big surprise, it came back. At first, when it came back, I thought that I really didn't care if I had it or not. I was comfortable in both situations. However, after having my daydreams back for about four-ish months now (still nothing compared to how long I had it last time, and probably how long I'll have it this time, too), I've kind of gotten to the point where I don't want it to go away again, despite it affecting my daily life negatively. 

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