Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Now, as a result of daydreaming actual people, or perhaps just from looking out at the "real world" once in a while, I feel as if I miss or am missing out on parts of life. I've kept myself in a box (which contains myself, my computer, and my DDs) and whenever I look out of it, I realize that things happen around me. I'm not sure if I can handle change, or that I have had daydreams so consistent that I dislike real change, or that I dislike real progression of time. I see other people and their lives that appear to be carefree, going through different things, etc. I probably won't regret missing out on a lot in high school because that is just a dumb time and not "real real life" to me. I guess that I am saying that I want to do things for myself, and not things that I just make up in my head.
However, I always feel as if it won't be anything. I feel as if nothing is ever great as it can be imagined. I feel as if everything will just feel mediocre and out of place. I feel as if I am going to have bad feelings on me in whatever I do. Let's not get started on the fact that I can't picture it - that I feel as if I am not good enough for any of this therefore I won't experience it.
What is the point of wanting to experience it? Why do people think that being happy is how we naturally are? Maybe I don't want to be happy exactly, but I want to feel as if I'm not wasting my time? Real people and not ones in my head. Again, maybe it's because the people ARE better in my head....just maybe...
I always thought that I should see a therapist but I never thought that there was anything wrong with me and that my life is just supposed to go this way because I'm not good as other people. I'd have to wait because I am not sure how to tell my parents that I would like to see one, and I thin it would be easier if I just found one when I become 18 or talk to a counselor at school. If I do see one, I am not sure if I will bring up the DDing right away. Maybe after I talk about everything else for a bit, I'll mention the DDing. But I don't know.
Either way, I'm not sure what I'm doing.