Introduction //

[Taylor]

Hello, my name is Taylor. I'm going to apologize in advance that this may be a long introduction and that it may jump around to different things quickly.

I have probably been daydreaming for most of my life. When I was a kid, it was simple games of "pretend" that I would play by myself quietly, etc. It was usually just characters I made up in their own little worlds. 

My daydreams started becoming about myself when I was about 11 or so. I had a crush on someone in my class (I was the "unpopular"/outcasty kid in school) and I would imagine that we would have this little six-grader-esque relationship. However, it then began to turn into not just that particular situation, but paired up with imagined friendships with ''popular kids'' and that I was one of them. When I was in 7th grade, the same happened. 8th grade was the same, but I began to pair up the stories of 7th grade with it. 

I continued to do this throughout high school. I would use people from school (and I feel extremely weird admitting this) or people from my area that I found on Facebook through mutual friends. I would open up word documents and type up conversations between me and a friend or mine, or arguments, or blog entries about my daydream life. As of now, I have 3 different daydreams that I alternate between. The first one started my freshman  year of high school, and I pretty much got bored with it because I always dreamed it a year ahead (if I ever go into this one, it's usually years ahead of when it started). The second one started halfway through my junior year of high school. The third one started briefly the summer before my senior year, but I didn't want to imagine this one so I kept myself out of it, but I went back to it occasionally, and as of now, it's my primary daydream. I feel bad about leaving the others behind, or being in a certain one, so I sometimes force myself into the others. Recently I have only allowed myself to listen to music that fits my third daydream unless if I am in another only because I don't want to "ruin" my daydream memories attached to a particular song. 

I've ran into MD a few years ago after looking online. I figured that I had it, but I just shrugged it off and went back to my daydreaming. I graduated high school a month ago, and I wanted to get my life together. I have no friends, or technically, friends I don't feel comfortable around/that benefit me in any way, and I have no self-esteem and basically believe that I am inadequate and just am naturally below everyone else. I know that to fix this, I have to get over the daydreaming. I feel terrible because I have wasted the past month basically daydream. It's not as if I have anything else to do, or that I feel any sort of motivation to do so. It's as if I want to, but I see no point in why or always just figure that  it will turn out terribly. I guess I have little sense of self. I try really hard for things (in my real life) to be presented as ~me~ instead of letting it flow naturally. I am extremely indecisive and think that it is crucial to do/present myself in certain ways for my real self. I feel as if my real self really isn't anything.

As far as how my daydreaming "interferes" with my life: basically it's all I do. Wherever I am, I am in my daydream. At school, out, talking to anyone, I daydream and use situations I encounter into my daydreams. I've procrastinated with my daydreams, I half-do things. I have a feeling that it isn't necessarily my daydreams that are the reason, but maybe the reasons behind the daydreams, so I won't blame my procrastination and things solely on the daydream. I start college in the fall, and I want to do good in school. As I had previously implied, I have no idea what I want to do and I don't feel as if I have a sense of direction.

This is where I will end my post. If you've read this, thanks so much! I really hope I feel comfortable in this forum because anywhere else I go, I always feel like the odd one out.

*Also, the description of my daydreams are super brief. There are more than I have listed that don't even have myself in them.*

[roxanne]

That is exactly what I do, but I keep at it.  My DD character is so idealized as to be almost unrecognizable - for instance, in looks & age - but I do give her some of my foibles, particularly anything that I am working on at the moment.  If you are smart & beautiful, what's the big deal if you have a hard time learning to drive?  Just keep at it.  It is a really important skill to develop when you are a DD'er.  It has allowed me over the years to get so much done.  I have a very happy marriage, successful career, many friends.  I absolutely believe that this has been vital for my survival in this world - it has allowed me to enjoy the best of both.  You have the right idea.  Keep cultivating it.  10 years from now you will be really glad you did.

[Taylor]

@ Roxanne: The only time I did anything like that in a productive manner was when I was learning how to drive. I used to pretend that my DD boyfriend was in the front seat with me or standing outside trying to teach me, but it pretty much stopped whenever I got too frustrated by reality and thought there was no point in DDing when I can't do things that the people based off my DDs were easily able to do. Another difference to note is that I like the DD me better than the real me, so I am sure that makes it difficult for me to do real things with a DD character because I often do the real tasks pretending that I'm not me to an extent.

[roxanne]

If I had to study or write a paper, my DD crush would actually be helping me - I would be reading to him, etc.  When I have to work out, my crush is right there next to me, cheering me on.  Or else I zone out & immerse myself in DD while on treadmill, etc.  They are with me all the time, so I always find a way to integrate them into the task at hand.

[Taylor]

@ Tinkerbell: Thank you! It's sadly the opposite, I was preoccupied with DDing. I believe that I was using it to procrastinate rather than procrastinating because of it, do you know what I mean? I would put things off but my DDs were a way of doing so. 

@Roxanne: What do you mean exactly? You would pretend you were in your DDs, or that people from your DDs would be there? There was a point where I tried to do my work as if I were part of my DD, around people in my DD, etc. But that never helped me. I would just lose all motivation to do important things and just hastily finish it. I think it may be outside of my DD, but I dunno - as I said to Tinkerbell, it seems like I'm using the DD for things. I wish I knew the real reason.

@Taffle: That's interesting. I still daydream about real-life people, but I am sure I distort them to an extent. I try to use the way they actually are, but sometimes I probably miss it. The thing that was always difficult for me was their real-life...how I would discover that my daydream's plot interfered with their real life so I felt as if I had to fix it. It's also disappointing because I've realized that these people are living their lives.......and I'm just daydreaming about them. I like your fiction idea. It's funny because I could never write a story if I try, but I feel as if I could write about my daydreams. Although they would be an awfully boring story.

[taffle]

Like you, in the past I daydream about real-life classmates from school. My daydream characters change depending on which school I go to. If I had a crush on someone that person becomes a main character. However, I don't daydream about real-life people anymore because they're disappointing, boring, and I have no control over them. I write fiction about my daydreams usually at the end of the day. It helps decrease the daydreaming during the day. I prioritize too.

[roxanne]

I always did well in school despite the DD's.  I would bring the DD characters into my real life so that they could help me study, do homework, etc.  I do procrastinate about many things - or just don't do them - but was able to prioritize.  If something needed done, I just did it - usually with the help of DD characters.  For one thing, it was hard to give myself up completely to a DD if there was something outstanding that needed done.  This was always helpful to me.  Many of us here have done well in school, as well as in careers & relationships, so there is room for optimism as you start off to college.

[Tinkerbell]

Pleased to meet you Taylor.  *Waves*

I have been daydreaming like this from the age of 4/5.  My day dreams now are quite constant.

I too have very little self esteem and was regarded as an outcast as school yet while I was at school, I never daydreamed like that. Proberly because I was preoccupied with talking to other people and doing my homework.

 

Don't worry about not being able to decide what you want to do in life.  I feel that in time you will find out what you really wish to do :-).