Daydreaming Destroys EVERYTHING.

[Tila]

 

Hey Wild Minds,

 

I want to tell you that,

My Daydreams are destroying every area of my life. Slowly, but it's happening.

Trying to refrain from daydreaming completely, as I have been trying religiously to do for the past 4 days, is like trying to win a boxing match with a chloroform soaked rag tied around your face. Constantly struggling to rub your eyes and just cope in this slow world that you know will never be as instantly rewarding as the personalized, perfect one you've created. Slipping back into my daydreams during the day is like granting myself a few blessed minutes to sprint without weights on my shoes. 

In life, a sunrise only comes once every 24 hours. In my head, I can replay that sunrise every second, forever indefinitely.  

 

But I want to stop being a ghost in my own life. I know that real achievements are probably more rewarding than any daydream. I know I have a lot to live for. But my daydreams continue to beckon me every minute, and it takes extra mental energy to pull myself away each time. I wish I could tell my teachers, friends, and family how difficult this is, but I think they would just dismiss it, and say something that implies I should stop being so lazy. I want them to know that I am not a lazy person, and that I care immensely about my work! But they don't know this.

 

I know someone here will get where I'm coming from. You don't have to say anything, I know you're there. :)

[Tila]

Writerspeak, that is awesome! I have actually been daydreaming less because my real life has been so busy....furthermore, I have been busy with things that I am passionate about doing (for the most part!) and that has helped to make me a lot less dependent on daydreaming. 

[writerspeak]

Hey Tila, just wanted to say I've stopped daydreaming for over a month twice(over a year ago however) So you can do it!! Since then I have gone back to full blown daydreaming and having no life- but I never give up trying to end my addiction because theres just no other option, really!!

[Tila]

Delorean, I'd say my level is like 6...building a racetrack, and a bunch of cars to recklessly race and crash into each other on. :D

I wish I could play with legos right now, it would be....more instantly rewarding than studying for a chemistry test.

[Tila]

Oh god....

I was feeling......pretty low when I wrote this post! Haha. But things has gotten better since then. I still daydream obviously, but I am now generally just embracing pain, and the constant pushing of comfort limits.

Elizabeth, I am really glad you are aware of the health risks (and the detriment of being dependent on any drug period!) I hope you can come off what you have been prescribed....but I also understand that sometimes people are not ready to do this right away, and finding the strength to do this does not come overnight.

[Elizabeth]

The only type of medication I am on is Lexapro (for depression) and a low dose. My aunt is a doctor and she is trying to gradually help me step off of it because she has been reading that it could lead to heart problems overtime. I have stopped taking my halves and have been off for about two weeks. So for now, I am on no medication (except Norel for sinuses). I can tell some days because I feel sad and down about EVERYTHING, but I'm trying to get through it. Its a struggle and if it gets to0 much I might go back on a different one.

[Delorean Jones]

Yeah, I always wondered about pharmaceutical's affect on the thinking process. I'm on medication that simply lowers my blood pressure, and it's much more difficult to get out of bed. But everyday was kinda different. I dunno.

 

 It was pretty important to stay busy, that's for sure. Yeah, you're gonna have to keep your will up! 

*General encouragement*

 

so what would you say your challenge level is for that goal? Like, 1-10, one being putting two lego bricks together, and twelve being disassembling and reassembling a modern car engine.

[Tila]

And to those who said its an addiction...YES, I have no doubt that it is. Which is why it sucks that most people don't seem to count daydreaming as a real problem. By "real problem" I mean what is recognized by the social sciences. They validate social anxiety, depression, and even something as questionable as ADHD, but not this? Hahahha...what a strange world.

[Tila]

Delorean, good question!....

Mostly, I am just trying to finish my schoolwork- and not just to finish, but to create something I can be proud of. I try to maintain the will and motivation to hang on in the middle of the semester. 

I should also mention that I just came off a pretty lousy prescription drug called Adderall, after taking this synthetic amphetamine sludge every day for 4.5 years. I had to stop because it was giving me heart tremors, basically my heart finally became fatigued because it is a mixture of amphetamines and has similiar effects to speed. Steer clear of this drug.

Relying on my now burned out brain for just over 2 weeks means that my mind is still lacking in natural dopamine production (thanks Adderall, you sneaky son of a bitch!). Dopamine controls motivation and reward-type thinking, which means that these days it is much harder for me to will away my daydreaming. Thankfully, the brain is plastic, and I know I can remold and reshape this critical mass into something beautiful. In short, I know I will bounce back...eventually.

[Delorean Jones]

So, what do you actually do day-to-day?

 

[Elizabeth]

I know...its so exhausting. You just have to focus on the little successes you have and try to remain in the 'real' world, though it is hard. Right now, I don't think I could go four WHOLE days without it, so I commend you there! I'm just trying to find balance right now. Keep going and try to keep outside connections strong to family and friends if you don't tell them, its easier to not slip when you are around others. I am lucky that my parents know what I have and let me express my feelings about it to them.