Where wild minds come to rest
Is there ever going to be seen as “normal” and acceptable to be alone? This is something I’ve had to deal with, and with my 30th
approaching I need to figure out how to not be ashamed of the fact that I have
no friends or family. People always make the assumption that a person has
such things & the looks they give if/when you dare to let it slip that you
don’t are just unreal. In professional settings, things like references
& emergency contacts always lead to trouble. I don’t bond with anyone
where I work for long, so I hate putting anyone down as a reference. I
understand but hate that it’s a requirement for jobs. What if I become
rich & want to adopt a child one day? I’m never going to have big
books of glowing letters from all the wonderful friends I’ve accumulated over
the years. So, am I automatically a lesser candidate because no one loves
me? Most people would say yes. I get that you don’t always want a
grump around who just wants to work………..but what are people like me supposed to
do, just crawl into a corner and cease to exist? Are we completely
Far too many places ask for emergency contacts. I tell them I don’t have one. Why is that such an issue? I tried to go to
the gym & they had to call 3 people over to ask them if it was ok before
they would just let me go. Every single one of them looked at me like I
was crazy. Just put someone. Don’t you have friends or
family? Well, no. What do you care? Just let me do my thing.
I get this at jobs, and you should’ve seen the lengthy, sad, forlorn looks my
apt manager gave me when I signed my lease. She stared at me for minutes,
repeating “None? NO ONE? Don’t you have anyone?” No!
Let it go & tell me where to sign.
The subject of “friends” comes up so often I want to scream. “You should come by when you’re going out with your friends,” a
business owner will say. So, should I not come by if I’m alone?
“So, what are you doing tonight?” a person asks, looking at me sadly like they
know the answer. I try to report back boldly that I’m partying it up with
the kittens & laugh it off as if to say I don’t care. People always
think you’re sitting alone crying all night, and their looks really don’t hide
it. No one who knows I’m a loner asks me joyfully what I’m doing, like
they know I’m having fun. I may not always be having fun, but what most
people call fun really doesn’t interest me much. I get very bored “having
fun.” I don’t care that I’m alone because I’m doing things I actually
enjoy. Would you go out & do things that you hate with people who
bore the shit out of you & look at you like you’re pitiful because you’re
different? I enjoy finishing a knitting project. I enjoy watching
my kittens play like they’re killing each other. I don’t enjoy sitting
around in a bar listening to people giggle about the silliest things & make
sounds that are too horrific to even mention. Why would I do this?
Trust me, if you hated these things as much as I do, you wouldn’t do them either.
I can bet you anything you don’t go around doing things you loathe just because
it’s the norm. If you do, then I urge you not to.
So, my 30th birthday will be spent alone in my apartment, working or not. I will not go out. No one will celebrate
me. No irritating birthday song (thank God). No fond memories to
share with the grandkids one day. No wild times and cheesy bonding.
Nope. I’ll make myself a decent dinner and try to do something
productive. Go ahead & make your sad looks at yourself. Chances are I won't be watching. At least by myself I’m with someone who respects me.