Marriage/relationship

[F J]

Hi everyone!

I have a question for you guys in relationships and living with them - when you moved in together did you tell them about everything related to MDing? Or do you hide it from them, how does that work? Do you go to a quiet room and have daydreaming time?

I'd love to get married one day but I struggle to imagine telling someone else about the daydreaming once we live together.

[F J]

This is interesting. I guess I hoped it would disappear lool but maybe not.

I hope I find someone I can share it with or at least just a little bit about it. There are some things I would rather keep to myself rather than fully expose the thing I'm most embarrassed about.

Also Jessica sorry but I think I deleted one of your comments!

[againstrio]

I've been married 24 years now and have had mdd since as long as I can remember and went through a lot of moments of "when I find someone this will stop" to "when I get married this will stop" to "when I have a child..." etc etc etc and it never stopped. There is a form of guilt to it but also over the last 15 years or so I've managed to take a great control over it where I'm not wadering off in my head in every social situation anymore and reserving the elaborate dreaming for just when I'm trying to go to sleep or maybe a long drive. I wish I knew exaclty how I managed to curb it and be present in the moments so I could offer advice. My relationship isn't perfect and I definitely use the dreaming to imaging things better but it's also not the worst but I know my partner would not get it, he is very logical and unimaginative. I have talked to my son, now 20, as I know he also drifts off and has a huge interest in psychology.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I must bring this up. The past 14 years, I struggled to excel in my career, so I lived at home a lot. At breakfast time, I would grab my coffee and muffin/bagel. I would go into my head, and ponder off. My mom always rambled about news, politics, and world events, in front of the TV. There were moments she felt like I just wasn't listening to her. My face would be all blank and gone, while sipping my coffee and noshing on my breakfast. Sometimes, I'd even pause and look another direction. My mom would suddenly wave or thrust her hand in the air for my attention. It always made me feel so stupid. It even gives me flash backs of others who did the same thing. Like Earth to Jessica, are you listening? Even my sister is acidic at me about it. My dad is a bit more understanding, but has yelled at me. 

I never met the love of my life. So I can't foresee how he'd take all this. I'd hate to think he wouldn't like it anymore than everybody else I've ever met. I'd hate to think he'll say or do something embarrassing to me on the subject. I'm sure he wouldn't have offended me in any way, especially over daydreams that can use therapies. He'd kindly help in anyway he could—but he wouldn't shame me. 

[Rachel]

I don't live with my boyfriend, but he does stay over at my place at times. He knows of it, but only in a vague sense. I've told him about it but haven't gone into detail. He does see me daydream, and my daydreams are usually accompanied by repetitive movements/stims, and he sees those, too. 

It's not a big deal for us.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I have a form of Asperger syndrome, and the way I act out, it appears like I'm not paying attention with no care, so it gives off a message to others that I'm wondering. It seems as if they can see right through me, and just know that I'm dreaming. Some people have the awareness set that I do this "always" after they learn for the first time. When I was young—I was naive. I never realized how transparent my situation was to others. That is why I stopped doing MD at a compulsive level. After I decided to quit, it began to wane down, so I have a clearer mind, can think and act better too. I haven't had people stop to remark on my daydreaming for years now! The older and more responsible you get, it eventually goes away anyhow. 

[AJW]

Ich denke es ist bei jedem anders ausgeprägt. Bei mir ist es nicht so das ich komplett in meinen Träumen versinke. Für verträumt halten mich bestimmt die meisten aus meinem Umfeld. Aber bemerkt hat es bisher niemand.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

How do you conceal MD so well? I just can't do that. I didn't tell my mom at all. She just sensed it, because I acted so stupidly one day, and it made her question. I've had all sorts of people read it off me, because my actions were absent minded. Ultimately, if or whenever I do have a partner, he's going to notice too, one way or the other. 

[AJW]

Hallo,
Ich bin verheiratet und habe 1 Kind. Mein Mann weiß nichts davon und auch kein anderer. Ist auch besser so. Ich konnte MD gut in meinen Alltag integrieren und nutze jede freie Minute dafür... spazieren gehen, Sport, putzen...
Es funktioniert so, man muss es dafür aber gut unter Kontrolle haben.

[F J]

Oh that's interesting you told your family. I have only told one friend this year. And that's after about 10 years of knowing what this is and about 16 years of doing it. She's very non judgemental so it was easy to do. But I am so scared about telling a future partner because if they react inappropriately and not in an understanding way I feel like that will crush me. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I've never been in a relationship or married. I could tell the person I used to be an MD'er, it started out when I was a kid, I but learned it was the wrong thing to do, so I stopped. Still, my mom knows all about it, and will probably tell my future partner, whichever way you put it. Then his parents will know about it too. I thought I could keep MD to myself...did not work out.