A few weeks a young lady made comments about me that really hurt me and are the main reason I think I started daydreaming in the first place. 

She says “we (her and the other three girls) are sometimes excited, we get angry we get irritable but you…you are always (she tries to find the right words…moving her hand horizontally across the air like a flat plane), you are always neutral.” She explains what she means. Throughout this I want to start crying. I know what…

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Most of the elements of my identity are not bad, I just don't connect with them because I spend most of my life in fantasy or life avoidance activities.



I think I disconnected from myself as a child due to feeling like I couldn't fit into the world. I was a very shy/anxious child and my mind was the only place I could be myself and be "connected". Even as things got better I continued to shy away from life and hide in my mind.



First steps: Connecting with my life/career as… Continue

One of my daydreams involved me dancing at a party with friends. So I would have earphones in and loud music playing and I would switch off the lights in my bedroom and essentially enter into another world. Usually a party or music festival. A lot of the people in this daydream would be people from school or wherever. I would dance away in my room for hours. I would often be the centre of attention for something or the other. 

Anyway, during these years I was never…

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I identify as an introvert. More recently I started to wonder if I may also have Aspergers. I never used to use that word, but would always describe myself with many of its characteristics. Now I have never been diagnosed, so lets just say that I identify with many of the characteristics.

Except one. FOCUS. Introverts and aspies are often described as having intense focus and incredible attention to detail. Actually,…

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I just got the “you’re such a loner” talk at the gym today by one of the personal trainers 

You’re always alone 

You just come in, exercise alone, don’t talk to anyone, so serious and leave 

You’re really quiet

You seem very humble though 

You seem like the church-going type 

How many friends do you have?

Do you go out…

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I am trying to change my life but I have the problem of laziness. Real life activities are so tiring. 

I had this idea in my head that I would become a fit, intellectual and spiritual person  and practice  music for fun (and forget my loneliness, lack of connection, depression, social awkwardness and just general failures). 

But…

• Running 
• Studying 
• Prayer/meditation/bible study 
• Learning music…

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I quit daydreaming. I also stopped listening to music (major trigger that I can never resist), limited TV, “internet”, certain kinds of print media  (like women’s magazines) in favour of productive activities. The other rule is that I cannot spend the entire day obsessing about my “self” (i.e. reading up on shyness, introversion, schizoid, identity, self confidence, depression and so on, basically trying to find a diagnosis for “what is wrong with me?”). To give my mind something to…

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