Journey to a Life Free of Maladaptive Daydreaming

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 1 - I've been Maladaptive Daydreaming for over four years now, and I know that it's time to stop. I've recently been able to improve my life, but am facing some obstacles right now and want to clear my mind and focus on improvement. Today I spent a huge amount of time in depression and daydreaming, trying to escape my current circumstances and overlooking all the blessings in my life. I truly believe that all our lives have so much value, value beyond our imagination, and that we should try our hardest to recognize that value. So right now, I will take small steps, starting off by forgiving myself for all the mistakes I have made, and calmly take on whatever I need to do.

[Silver Swan]

Negative feelings can effect your head health. My head will start to feel weak and exhausted, and like it has no mass left. Then one day, I began to glow with positivism and feel so good, so my head actually went back to normal. I always thought it had to do with cognition, but it's actually linked to anxiety and depression. Bad feelings can actually contract the brain. So don't freak out that much, just start to feel happy. It does help when you stop daydreaming too. Maybe when your feeling bad about the way things are going, you'll start to daydream to get away, but then you'll wake up again and see your reality for what it is. So it will give you mixed up feelings and your head will go all funny or you'll feel super tired for no reason. What I do is meditate to think positive thoughts and gather up positive feelings, that way my body relaxes. Your head will feel that calming relief.

[Ulaan Gom]

I think that's a really good point. I've been practicing mediation recently (very occasionally though) and it's been doing a good deal to help me out and create some distance between myself and negative thoughts. I'm going to challenge myself to make meditation more of a routine, and trust that doing so will have a positive effect.

Silver Swan said:

Negative feelings can effect your head health. My head will start to feel weak and exhausted, and like it has no mass left. Then one day, I began to glow with positivism and feel so good, so my head actually went back to normal. I always thought it had to do with cognition, but it's actually linked to anxiety and depression. Bad feelings can actually contract the brain. So don't freak out that much, just start to feel happy. It does help when you stop daydreaming too. Maybe when your feeling bad about the way things are going, you'll start to daydream to get away, but then you'll wake up again and see your reality for what it is. So it will give you mixed up feelings and your head will go all funny or you'll feel super tired for no reason. What I do is meditate to think positive thoughts and gather up positive feelings, that way my body relaxes. Your head will feel that calming relief.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 6 - My MD was fairly significant today, but not as bad as it was yesterday, which I do at least partially attribute to getting more rest and meditating the previous night. I noticed how last night's meditation did help me provide perspective towards a stream of negative thoughts this afternoon, as it gave me the perspective that I could have those thoughts without becoming those thoughts.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 8 - My MD was fairly under control this morning, as I had a clear goal and felt like I had sufficient energy to get things done. However, I notice that often when my energy levels drop, MD pops up more frequently and becomes harder to let go of. I think some steps I can take moving forward are to break up what I need to get done into smaller tasks, work on completing one task at a time, and keep myself healthy and hydrated. On a larger level, I want to remind myself that any challenges or discomfort I face along the process of overcoming MD are part of the growing pains of rebuilding my habits, and in the long term will help me build a life I truly want to live

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 9 - My MD was fairly under control in the morning, which I've often noticed is the case, as my mind typically is well-rested and level-headed. MD definitely got stronger in the afternoon, somewhat spurred by my interactions with more people. Oftentimes, when I feel like I'm not able to express myself socially the way I want to express myself, I often play alternate MD versions of those interactions in my head. While this helps me feel less pain in the moment, it takes away my opportunity to fully internalize the reality of the situations.

For me, sometimes reality can be hard to accept. However, I want to give my real life my utmost effort, care, and attention, and I believe it's necessary to do whatever I can to remain grounded in the present moment as much as possible. While the path towards overcoming MD will certainly be difficult at times, I believe the process and outcome will be completely worth it in the end. I want to fully experience real successes and disappointments, I want to foster and enjoy more real and meaningful connections, and want to accomplish my goals and dreams when I can.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 10 - I had a pretty restful day today, and was able to control my MD to a certain extent by keeping myself fairly busy. I've noticed that some of the most effective strategies for keeping my MD under control are engaging in activities that are either relatively calming or challenging, both of which give me a clear avenue to focus.

The former category imbues me with peace and satisfaction, which serves to ground me in the present. The latter usually involved some sort of higher goal that I'm striving towards, one that demands my utmost focus and effort, which in turn also pulls me into the present moment.

While battling with MD has been difficult at times, I am extremely excited to work towards building the life of my dreams!

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 11 - Today my MD was fairly under control. However, I did notice a few distinct times when it was particularly difficult to control my MD.

One of the main times MD really pops up is when I'm with people but not engaged in conversation with them. During these times, I often MD about having free-flowing conversations with them, but in reality don't know how to break the silence.

Another time I frequently daydream is around the end of lunch, when I'm finishing up food. I often take a long time to eat, and my mind starts wandering in the process. I can take these times as opportunities to practice mindful eating.

Finally, I frequently MD when I get back to my room and when I'm by myself. I think the main issue here is not having something to immediately do or engage myself with, and as a result I find myself MDing until I find something I want to do. I think the solution here might be just to plan out an activity to engage myself in ahead of time, before I enter my room.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 12 - Today MD has been fairly present. However, I did notice one thing. So MD for me usually pops up in response to a feeling, such as stress or boredom. Today I was able to catch myself in such a state, and while MD was beginning to slip in, I stopped myself my recentering my mind on a larger goal, which brought me to the present

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 13 - One of the techniques that helped me today curb my MD was to take a few deep breaths and list out a few things I was thankful for in the present, or aspects of my real life that was hopeful of. I know that there's a direct reverse correlation between the degree of satisfaction I have of my life and the frequency with which I MD.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 14 - MD did come in strong today. Today I did feel a strong sense of anxiety and worry over whether or not other people accepted or liked me. I felt out of control by my inability to please others.

However, I need to realize that it's impossible to make everyone happy. While it's important for me to make genuine connections with those around me, it's impossible to have every single person around me to like and approve of me. Rather, it's much more important for me to be true to myself, and have a strong sense of trust that things will work out for the better in the end.

I don't have to worry so much about other people's opinions of me, because such opinions are created through their limited perception and knowledge of me, and thus have much more to do with them, and much less to do with myself. Likewise, the way I see others (and the way my world constructs their existence) has so much more to do with my limited thoughts and beliefs, and will never encapsulate a genuine picture of them.

In short, it's okay if I feel that other people don't like me, or if I feel like I'm not able to get along or fit in with those around me. In the end, what really matters is that I focus on living my best life, and just enjoy each moment as it comes.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 16 - While my MD was high at first near the beginning of the day, it definitely weaned down as the day progressed. There were many times when I had to physically (almost out loud) tell myself to stop my current flow of daydream thoughts, and step back for a bit to become more aware of what's going on around me. Each time I catch myself MD duirng the moment of an MD episode, I feel like I'm helping myself break the habit of MDing on autopilot, and am slowly rewiring my brain to ground myself more in reality.

[Ulaan Gom]

Day 17 - I'm not going to lie, today has been really difficult to control my MD. I woke up late and tired, and then later when talking with a few people, I felt strongly that I wasn't able to communicate the way I wanted to, as if there was a giant block that was preventing me from expressing myself fully. As a result, my MD popped up in a really strong form, prompting me to imagine myself explaining to others made up scenarios where I had difficult situations going on in my life, situations which explained my quietness and aloofness in real life.

I did catch myself during a couple of these episodes, and was able to bring myself out of those MD's. In my mind, there is a strong underlying sense of dissatisfaction with my situations, along with a confusion for how to proceed forward (mainly due to worries about the future and a lack of clear direction).

I think an important step in the process of recovery from MD is acceptance. Life is not always going to be easy and ideal the way we want it to be, and that's completely okay. Don't feel too ashamed of where you're at right now, and please don't think there's something wrong with you because of where you are. You're doing amazing, and where you are currently does not have to define or limit the possibilities for your life. I have faith in you, I know things will get better, and I know you can start enjoying each day moving forward for bits at a time.