Sometimes at the dinner table, my mom serves food, but she notices that my eyes close or I smile for no apparent reason, and she throws a curt remark. My mind is not quite there, for a split second, so I make faces. Usually I grin, because the story is sassy or intriguing. But, I don't know I'm doing it, only everyone else can see what goes on with my face. So, the person will be like, "You were staring at me and laughing." I wouldn't have any idea what they're talking about...because the moment was for five seconds. 

My family isn't the first, I've had formative school peers that saw my face, and immediately wonder what's so funny, and most of them didn't want to be my friend, because it looks so very strange. Most people in the norm are usually interactive, exuberant and outspoken, so they find me really weird. They don't understand why I sit there all quietly, and seemingly act like I'm somewhere else. But then, they laugh at me for appearing like a "loner" and wonder if I have friends, or even a man. 

I think that I made everyone a little too uncomfortable. My bad. 

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I can relate. I have and continue to make faces, laugh, smirk, look sad, or make other reactions seemingly out of the blue. Many people have noticed and wonder what's going on. It's definitely not the easiest to go through, though I hope I'll be able to overcome it eventually.

I may not even be dreaming. It might be a unsettling thought or a bad memory. I just can't help it sometimes. I have quite a preoccupied mind. 

I grew up in a hometown for most of my life, and I was the only kid around with Asperger syndrome, so I found it hard to read emotions on people. It made it easy for others to manipulate me. So I used MD as an escapism. I didn't have the idea of a relationship, so I invented fictional ones. 

I've been living with MDD since age 6 or 7. I grew up an only child. Being lonely and having a vivid imagination, along with constantly being bullied because I was smaller than most kids my age; all of that led to me developing MDD.

I would fantasize about being able to fend off bullies with my martial arts skills (I don't know MA). From there my MDD got worse. I would conjure up make believe friends, girlfriends, and pretend that I was a musician, movie star or a super hero (spiderman).

As an adult and whenever I'm stressed I find myself resorting to MDD. After all these years, I thought I was the only person who had this condition! Wow! I don't feel so alone now?

Your version of MD sounds so awesome. What are you doing now, as a career?

I stopped living in dreamland at the cusp of my thirties. What bothers me now is the aftermath. I used to be a bright and healthy young kid. As I got older, my daydreams expanded and nearly took me over. So now I have problems getting focused and motivated, and don't want to think. It's harder to learn and grow. I remember for years I just sat there and stared off into blank space, sometimes laughing and making faces. It greatly effected my career life and social life. Today, I'm out of employment and have absolutely no social connections. It's disgusting. 

I definitely feel you on a lot of those affects of MD. However, I do think change is possible, even if it's slow, and even if it involves baby steps that take a lot of energy to take. I know things can absolutely get better, no matter how difficult they are right now. What I've been trying to do is to pick one area of my life (for example, I struggle with connecting socially), and take little 5-minute steps each day in the direction of addressing that area. For me so far, this has involved watching YouTube videos about self-esteem.

Jessica Ballantyne said:

I stopped living in dreamland at the cusp of my thirties. What bothers me now is the aftermath. I used to be a bright and healthy young kid. As I got older, my daydreams expanded and nearly took me over. So now I have problems getting focused and motivated, and don't want to think. It's harder to learn and grow. I remember for years I just sat there and stared off into blank space, sometimes laughing and making faces. It greatly effected my career life and social life. Today, I'm out of employment and have absolutely no social connections. It's disgusting. 

Well I do have good self esteem and I got over what I did. My daydreams used to empower me as a kid, and make me believe I can do anything and be whoever I wanted to be. Then it came time to grow up and face the truth. This is ME. Apparently, since I've been doing it so long, my life suffered for it. I even remember people get all condescending and impatient when they realized I was daydreaming when they were talking. Now I'm a much better listener and talker after I have stopped. 

I see, that totally makes sense. I'm trying my best to get to the point that you're at right now. It's been really hard to shake off MD so far.

Jessica Ballantyne said:

Well I do have good self esteem and I got over what I did. My daydreams used to empower me as a kid, and make me believe I can do anything and be whoever I wanted to be. Then it came time to grow up and face the truth. This is ME. Apparently, since I've been doing it so long, my life suffered for it. I even remember people get all condescending and impatient when they realized I was daydreaming when they were talking. Now I'm a much better listener and talker after I have stopped. 

Well, I did it! Thing is, I've got loads to do if I want my life back in shape. 

Actually, I lived in my head too long. I probably would've been a well developed and adapted grown up if I hadn't done MDD. My point is, my life would've looked so much better and meaningful if I hadn't started the excessive daydreaming. Relationships would not be so hard to find and it could've been possible for me to earn my independence. It's the moves you make that effects everything. 

My daydreaming is so bad that I make faces too. Sometimes I even forget how I reached a different part of the house after snapping out of it. My mother has caught me a few times and I just play it off saying that I remembered or thought of something funny. The problem is, sometimes I act it out too if there is a very emotional or exciting scene (eg. Protagonist goes rage mode etc etc.)
It is very awkward but I do make excuses that I am just stretching out my stiff limbs or I tripped or whatever else suits the situation.

I am very self conscious of how people view me so I act more calmly in public (except a few slips here and there where I had to walk off from the group and do a shoddy finale in my head) . It has been this way since I was a baby an everyone calls me daydreamer or dream girl (?).

I constantly look for empty places where people do not notice my slips. All this leads to me being able to make friends easily but having trouble maintaining those relationships. My capacity allows me to only keep at most two friends at a time. Unfortunately, I keep shifting and lose the closeness of those friends. I feel blessed when I wonder how such adorable people would even bother staying with me sometimes.
Yeah! This had happened to me a thousand times.. My family and my friends sometimes don't really understand me.

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