What helps?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Now that we've had some time to think about this & discuss it, let's start creating a plan to help.  Let's try and make a list that we can refer to & refer others to.  Here's my question:

What helps? 

Not just what helps you stop daydreaming.  This is a condition we need to learn to live with. 

What helps in any way possible?  Interpret that in every way possible, and be as specific as possible. 

Some ways you can think of it:

What helps make your life better?

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

What makes your daydreams more productive?

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

What helps you feel stronger?

What helps you feel safer?

What helps you feel more confident?

Let’s act like we’re compiling a list of things to tell new people who’re just figuring out they’re going through this & are not sure what to do.  What advice would you give them to help them feel more empowered?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

P.S. Feel free to add any other questions to the list along with any answers you can think of.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

These are great answers! Thank you! I can relate to a lot of them. I'm not sure how to help people because I'm still living with such a severe form of this, but if we can all brainstorm maybe we can come up with some good ideas. In the worst case scenario, maybe we'll just learn a lot & see what we have in common or not. Keep them coming!

Billie Goat said:

1. What helps make your life better?
2. What helps you feel like you're living a more fulfilling life?
3. What helps you feel like you're in control?
4. What helps you daydream less&what helps you daydream more?
5. What makes your daydreams feel less productive?
6. What makes your daydreams fell more productive?
7. When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?
8. What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?
9. What helps you fell safer?
10. What helps you feel more confident?


1. I don't have a job or go to college or drive so I'm am usually sitting at home alone (I have two siblings that are here for most of the day but they isolate themselves in there rooms for the most part) so when a friend calls/text asking to hang out or just talk I feel that this small interaction with other people makes my life a fraction better then what it was with out it.
2. When I start a project that could end up actually getting me a job. Such as knitting, making things out of empty pop cans, or writing down one of my fantasies in an attempt to make it a novel.
3. I'm not sure I ever really feel in control.
4. When I'm at DnD or just hanging with a friend I find myself daydreaming less( though I don't stop completely). I daydream more when there is a problem I'm trying to work out. I'll make little scenarios of what would happen if I go with one option or the other and pick accordingly.
5. When my daydreams take a supernatural turn. One of my fantasies actual involve being transported to another reality where vampires and magic is real.
6. When I leave out the supernatural and come up with something that could actually happen in the near future or even a little further down the road. Like when I visualize my finished project, or appearing on a talk show for being the youngest fashion designer or having just published a best selling novel.
7. When a daydream end with me being rich and famous is when I feel on top of the world and end up being a noticeably happier.
8. When I realize that it is just a dream and can't really happen. Like my dream of someday gaining the power to control the elements and becoming a superhero.
9. It's the supernatural dreams that make me feel safer. I'll come out with an open mind and think "Yah, why can't I..." and forget about all my troubles for a little while.
10. I'm never confident.

[Will]

In order to prevent daydreaming from getting in the way of studying, the only thing that seems to help me is making the MAJOR effort to "be" in a place AND a position where I can't daydream in a full-blown way (ie pacing)... I know this is not a mind blowing answer, but it really is the only thing that seems to work.

In general, "public" places are perhaps the best places to be. For example, if I am in public, for obvious fear of embarrassment, I may daydream, but at least I'll be sitting down. The benefit of this is that periodically, I'll "wake up" and see my work, and hopefully... just hopefully, at some point I'll find that I'll be able to remove myself from the pleasurable feedback loop of daydreaming and actually get some work done.

Based on this idea, when home alone, I have recently considered trying to carry the textbook I am working on if I can "catch myself" going to daydream. My reasoning, the more reality that I can carry with me / have accessible, the more my surroundings remind and point me back to reality, perhaps, the better my chances are to remember and get myself to do what I really need to be doing.

I'm going to continue to think about this topic more... Please feel free to tell me your thoughts. :)

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

This is a very good start. It'll be interesting to see what helps each of us. I'll bet we'll end up breaking it down to a few things that will help future people who have this condition.

Will said:

In order to prevent daydreaming from getting in the way of studying, the only thing that seems to help me is making the MAJOR effort to "be" in a place AND a position where I can't daydream in a full-blown way (ie pacing)... I know this is not a mind blowing answer, but it really is the only thing that seems to work.

In general, "public" places are perhaps the best places to be. For example, if I am in public, for obvious fear of embarrassment, I may daydream, but at least I'll be sitting down. The benefit of this is that periodically, I'll "wake up" and see my work, and hopefully... just hopefully, at some point I'll find that I'll be able to remove myself from the pleasurable feedback loop of daydreaming and actually get some work done.

Based on this idea, when home alone, I have recently considered trying to carry the textbook I am working on if I can "catch myself" going to daydream. My reasoning, the more reality that I can carry with me / have accessible, the more my surroundings remind and point me back to reality, perhaps, the better my chances are to remember and get myself to do what I really need to be doing.

I'm going to continue to think about this topic more... Please feel free to tell me your thoughts. :)

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Interesting. For me this doesn't help because of my sensory sensitivity. As much as home can be distracting, with the kittens & dark lighting, outside there are SO MANY distractions that I just can't bear. There are always people chewing gum (Why, God, WHY?), talking loudly, bright sunlight somewhere in the room, and other issues. I'm always flinching & uncomfortable, which is just more for me to be self-conscious about. Plus my daydreaming is so bad that I really can't stop for fear of being watched. I drift off constantly without even noticing, so it's easier for me just to hide at home. If I have an exam or something I may try to work outside because the kittens always wake up right when I want to study, but I can't concentrate for long no matter where I'm at unless I've already been able to concentrate for awhile that same day. The only solution for me is just starting & keeping at it until I'm able to calm down. It's like holding your head under water when you can't see. At first you panic. Then after a few seconds, you relax. It doesn't last very long, but there's a brief gap where things feel fine & I can work.

[Will]

do either of you frequently get very tired? Cordellia in particular, does you sensory sensitivity cause you to just want to take a nap sometimes?

Cordellia Amethyste Rose said:

Interesting. For me this doesn't help because of my sensory sensitivity. As much as home can be distracting, with the kittens & dark lighting, outside there are SO MANY distractions that I just can't bear. There are always people chewing gum (Why, God, WHY?), talking loudly, bright sunlight somewhere in the room, and other issues. I'm always flinching & uncomfortable, which is just more for me to be self-conscious about. Plus my daydreaming is so bad that I really can't stop for fear of being watched. I drift off constantly without even noticing, so it's easier for me just to hide at home. If I have an exam or something I may try to work outside because the kittens always wake up right when I want to study, but I can't concentrate for long no matter where I'm at unless I've already been able to concentrate for awhile that same day. The only solution for me is just starting & keeping at it until I'm able to calm down. It's like holding your head under water when you can't see. At first you panic. Then after a few seconds, you relax. It doesn't last very long, but there's a brief gap where things feel fine & I can work.

[Will]

Also, and this is something that I think might be key.... What do you notice happens right before the onset of a daydream (preferably a full-blown episode)? How closely have you been able to pay attention to the moments leading up to it? Specifically, what is it that you notice happening, both with thoughts and feelings? I'll share my description, but I want to hold off and first hear yours :) My hunch is that it should be similar for all of us and so I don't want to ruin it. If you haven't ever made the effort to observe this period of time, it's a little tricky... but definitely worth the insight :

[Katrina]

It usually gets intense after i see or hear something
That stimulates my imagination, like a beautiful woman
Or really cool artwork..  ( i also have stendall syndrome
So i can get lost in a painting for hours, creating a 
Fiction for it, and living it as though it were a place).

Also anything that gets me fired up or intellectually
Stimulated...  Exactly its like fodder for a perpetually
Unfolding narrative.   It would be a blessing except
Sometimes im usually too absorbed in the act of fantasizing
To do anything creative with my thoughts..

Will said:

Also, and this is something that I think might be key.... What do you notice happens right before the onset of a daydream (preferably a full-blown episode)? How closely have you been able to pay attention to the moments leading up to it? Specifically, what is it that you notice happening, both with thoughts and feelings? I'll share my description, but I want to hold off and first hear yours :) My hunch is that it should be similar for all of us and so I don't want to ruin it. If you haven't ever made the effort to observe this period of time, it's a little tricky... but definitely worth the insight :

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

It's hard to explain, but there's not a moment that I drift off to daydream. I'm walking around in a CONSTANT state of daydream & ONLY do external activities while daydreaming. Pulling myself out to think about something else is very difficult & only lasts for a few seconds. I'm constantly (as in every single minute) drifting right back. I'm daydreaming while doing this. That other world is always in the background & taking up the majority of my brainpower. On top of that, when I'm lying around I'll just daydream. I lie down to daydream for several hours a day, here & there. There are periods of external inspiration that will distract me out of it, and they feel SO GOOD.....but they're very short-lived. The only things I can do are the things that I can do while daydreaming. Consequently I'm only ever working at a small fraction of my capabilities. That's why it takes me so long to accomplish anything & I still have mail that has gone unopened for years, for example. Make sense? It's hard to explain. I've yet to meet anyone who has it this bad, at least so it seems.

Will said:

Also, and this is something that I think might be key.... What do you notice happens right before the onset of a daydream (preferably a full-blown episode)? How closely have you been able to pay attention to the moments leading up to it? Specifically, what is it that you notice happening, both with thoughts and feelings? I'll share my description, but I want to hold off and first hear yours :) My hunch is that it should be similar for all of us and so I don't want to ruin it. If you haven't ever made the effort to observe this period of time, it's a little tricky... but definitely worth the insight :

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I'm constantly reliving old scenarios along with new ones I create. I still relive ones from as far back as 17 years, no joke.

One thing that concerns me a little about this site is that people are having a hard time searching through these forums because they're constantly shifting topics. If this conversation is going to move on to different triggers & other questions, can we move it to another post? Is that reasonable? I'd really like to make this a bit more searchable.

Adriene said:

Well first let me explain, my "full blown" daydreams are those ones where I need to be alone because I act a lot of them out, or I pace the room. They are usually set off by a distinct trigger. The rest of the time I think I'm a little like Cordellia. I always feel like I'm rearranging storylines or or picking up external stimuli to incorporate into by daydreams. Now to the question, right before the full blown episode I feel a definite compulsion. And I get excited about it because I want to see where the daydream takes me. I hope that answers your question.

By the way, I just want to ask this while we have a conversation rolling even though it's not really related: Do you ever feel yourself repeating daydreams? You know, ones that were particularly fulfilling, emotional, exciting, dramatic, etc. Or do you ever go back to some daydreams to change the "storyline" or perfect it in some way? (For lack of a better word.)

Will said:

Also, and this is something that I think might be key.... What do you notice happens right before the onset of a daydream (preferably a full-blown episode)? How closely have you been able to pay attention to the moments leading up to it? Specifically, what is it that you notice happening, both with thoughts and feelings? I'll share my description, but I want to hold off and first hear yours :) My hunch is that it should be similar for all of us and so I don't want to ruin it. If you haven't ever made the effort to observe this period of time, it's a little tricky... but definitely worth the insight :

[Will]

I agree this is probably switching topics back to triggers... So I'll post back to the caffeine as a Trigger discussion (Since there is no general Trigger post and I don't know where else to put it).


Cordellia Amethyste Rose said:

I'm constantly reliving old scenarios along with new ones I create. I still relive ones from as far back as 17 years, no joke.

One thing that concerns me a little about this site is that people are having a hard time searching through these forums because they're constantly shifting topics. If this conversation is going to move on to different triggers & other questions, can we move it to another post? Is that reasonable? I'd really like to make this a bit more searchable.

Adriene said:

Well first let me explain, my "full blown" daydreams are those ones where I need to be alone because I act a lot of them out, or I pace the room. They are usually set off by a distinct trigger. The rest of the time I think I'm a little like Cordellia. I always feel like I'm rearranging storylines or or picking up external stimuli to incorporate into by daydreams. Now to the question, right before the full blown episode I feel a definite compulsion. And I get excited about it because I want to see where the daydream takes me. I hope that answers your question.

By the way, I just want to ask this while we have a conversation rolling even though it's not really related: Do you ever feel yourself repeating daydreams? You know, ones that were particularly fulfilling, emotional, exciting, dramatic, etc. Or do you ever go back to some daydreams to change the "storyline" or perfect it in some way? (For lack of a better word.)

Will said:

Also, and this is something that I think might be key.... What do you notice happens right before the onset of a daydream (preferably a full-blown episode)? How closely have you been able to pay attention to the moments leading up to it? Specifically, what is it that you notice happening, both with thoughts and feelings? I'll share my description, but I want to hold off and first hear yours :) My hunch is that it should be similar for all of us and so I don't want to ruin it. If you haven't ever made the effort to observe this period of time, it's a little tricky... but definitely worth the insight :

[Nathen Israel]

Hi,

I recently found that constantly writing wondering thoughts down, or keeping track of them, keeps you away of falling into intense daydreaming. Whenever you realize that you are wondering and not present or focused write it down on your phone or ipod or touch or something. I find that this keeps it from getting you aware of your thoughts and stops it from getting out control. The downside to this that this can become a habit and problem of its own, like when your talking to someone and you impulsively pull out your phone to stop from daydreaming.

N