A phase of nothingness.

[Kirsty Amhert]

For the past three or four years, I've gone through these strange month long phases of emotional states. There are only two. One is where I am diligent, sincere, and care a lot about projects, learning, and effort. The other is where I care about nothing, and feel literally nothing at all, for days on end. It sounds a little cliche, and I promise that I'm not on some rant trying to make myself sound cool, because it certainly is not something anyone should consider impressive, but I am literally like a robot.

During the phase in which I feel nothing, my daydreaming is still there but bland, which is even less motivational, as I rely on it for my artwork. These times concern me as I am not motivated to do anything and am constantly tired. I don't know what to do about it. Has anyone else felt (or not felt, hah) like this?

[Skylar Grey]

I understand what you go through,  I do almost the exact same thing. Only mine dont last a whole month, more like one or two weeks. I wonder if this is a part of MD or something else entirely. I might be so into something for a little while then soon after ill just completely give up and get thrown into a pit of despair. I dont get it. Well best of luck, and maybe we can find someway to defeat these phases and such.  

[Kirsty Amhert]

Thanks for the comment. It's a serious struggle trying to get things done when I'm like this. I honestly thing that for me, it has nothing or very little to do with MD, but I'm not sure what it could be.

[Jenna]

I'm going through the exact same thing, and it's a little scary to me. It's like I'm not there mentally or emotionally, yet I'm still there. I can relate very well.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

            That sounds oddly similar to what I go through, except for that I have a third emotional state that is short lived and spuratic. I become incredibly infuriated (sometimes without a cause) and am even more rude to people than I usually am. Also in my emotionless state, my daydreams seem more intricate and I get very philisophical for some reason. My more positive phase is also very short, only lasting about a week and half long at a time. It's frightening to me though, because it's an incredibly drastic change for such little time.

[Kirsty Amhert]

It is a scary thing. I'm getting increasingly nervous that I'm missing things that are very important, and that it's going to affect me horribly in the long run.

Jenna said:

I'm going through the exact same thing, and it's a little scary to me. It's like I'm not there mentally or emotionally, yet I'm still there. I can relate very well.

[Kirsty Amhert]

That sounds much more stressful. Even in my more positive phase, I have very little emotions, but at least then I have a sense of being content, and and urge to work on and accomplish things.

If you don't mind me asking, do you friends and family notice these changes in you?

littleschrodinger'scat said:

            That sounds oddly similar to what I go through, except for that I have a third emotional state that is short lived and spuratic. I become incredibly infuriated (sometimes without a cause) and am even more rude to people than I usually am. Also in my emotionless state, my daydreams seem more intricate and I get very philisophical for some reason. My more positive phase is also very short, only lasting about a week and half long at a time. It's frightening to me though, because it's an incredibly drastic change for such little time.

[Jenna]

Yeah I'm getting nervous too, because it's starting to affect my grades some. Not to badly, but  sometimes I'll read something, and not remember anything I just read, so I have to read it 5 times til I understand what I just read. Sigh! I looked it up one day and found this website http://sprinkleofginger.com/what-to-do-when-you-feel-numb/. It may help a little or not, but still to at least try something.

Kirsty Amhert said:

It is a scary thing. I'm getting increasingly nervous that I'm missing things that are very important, and that it's going to affect me horribly in the long run.

Jenna said:

I'm going through the exact same thing, and it's a little scary to me. It's like I'm not there mentally or emotionally, yet I'm still there. I can relate very well.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

Well I really don't have any friends, but my family can't tell (as far as I know). We aren't exactly a normal family and we don't share our emotions or problems willingly. The only time I am aware they know of any sort of issue is when I go through the angry state. Usually one of them causes my mood somehow, so that's probably the only reason.
Kirsty Amhert said:

That sounds much more stressful. Even in my more positive phase, I have very little emotions, but at least then I have a sense of being content, and and urge to work on and accomplish things.

If you don't mind me asking, do you friends and family notice these changes in you?

littleschrodinger'scat said:

            That sounds oddly similar to what I go through, except for that I have a third emotional state that is short lived and spuratic. I become incredibly infuriated (sometimes without a cause) and am even more rude to people than I usually am. Also in my emotionless state, my daydreams seem more intricate and I get very philisophical for some reason. My more positive phase is also very short, only lasting about a week and half long at a time. It's frightening to me though, because it's an incredibly drastic change for such little time.

[Kirsty Amhert]

Ah, I don't have friends either except my roommate. She and my family seem to have just gotten used to be acting dull and being consistently inexpressive, though when I do meet new people, they seem put off by it.

littleschrodinger'scat said:

Well I really don't have any friends, but my family can't tell (as far as I know). We aren't exactly a normal family and we don't share our emotions or problems willingly. The only time I am aware they know of any sort of issue is when I go through the angry state. Usually one of them causes my mood somehow, so that's probably the only reason.
Kirsty Amhert said:

That sounds much more stressful. Even in my more positive phase, I have very little emotions, but at least then I have a sense of being content, and and urge to work on and accomplish things.

If you don't mind me asking, do you friends and family notice these changes in you?

littleschrodinger'scat said:

            That sounds oddly similar to what I go through, except for that I have a third emotional state that is short lived and spuratic. I become incredibly infuriated (sometimes without a cause) and am even more rude to people than I usually am. Also in my emotionless state, my daydreams seem more intricate and I get very philisophical for some reason. My more positive phase is also very short, only lasting about a week and half long at a time. It's frightening to me though, because it's an incredibly drastic change for such little time.

[Kirsty Amhert]

I feel like i'm missing out on everything because I am constantly on autopilot and it's like I'm not really there at all! I agree that reading is one of the hardest things to do in this state, which sucks the big one because I absolutely love reading.

Thank you so much for linking that article!  It does a very nice job at explaining it, which for some reason I have not been able to do very well. When I tried to search a lot of semi-unrelated things came up. Or it was mostly about depression or autism. 

Jenna said:

Yeah I'm getting nervous too, because it's starting to affect my grades some. Not to badly, but  sometimes I'll read something, and not remember anything I just read, so I have to read it 5 times til I understand what I just read. Sigh! I looked it up one day and found this website http://sprinkleofginger.com/what-to-do-when-you-feel-numb/. It may help a little or not, but still to at least try something.

Kirsty Amhert said:

It is a scary thing. I'm getting increasingly nervous that I'm missing things that are very important, and that it's going to affect me horribly in the long run.

Jenna said:

I'm going through the exact same thing, and it's a little scary to me. It's like I'm not there mentally or emotionally, yet I'm still there. I can relate very well.

[Wish Upon A Wish]

I just went on that site, and read: "Numbness is also often the result of too much input and not enough output. Every day we are confronted with a barrage of information: RSS feeds, emails, advertising, TV, inane chatter, work demands — all of this swirls around in our heads and ends up getting stuck. It’s too much to process at once, and as a result our minds go “See ya!” and shut down."

We have so much going on in our heads, so could that be the 'too much input'?

I'm not quite 'numb' like she says, and I feel empathy, and although I care about my friends, I just don't get that happy feeling people get. In fact it's hard for me to feel what a lot of people describe as 'happy'. I'm going to the Evanescence concert in Auckland in the end of March, yet whenever I think about it, all get get is a small twinge of excitement, and then feel nothing. It kinda sucks.

Jenna said:

Yeah I'm getting nervous too, because it's starting to affect my grades some. Not to badly, but  sometimes I'll read something, and not remember anything I just read, so I have to read it 5 times til I understand what I just read. Sigh! I looked it up one day and found this website http://sprinkleofginger.com/what-to-do-when-you-feel-numb/. It may help a little or not, but still to at least try something.

Kirsty Amhert said:

It is a scary thing. I'm getting increasingly nervous that I'm missing things that are very important, and that it's going to affect me horribly in the long run.

Jenna said:

I'm going through the exact same thing, and it's a little scary to me. It's like I'm not there mentally or emotionally, yet I'm still there. I can relate very well.

[Lisa Smith]

I actually just posted a reply to a different post about this exact thing. If you want to read it, it was in reply to 'nicole's post about her day dreams becoming too much.

 

Anyway what im going to do is write down how long these phases are, what i did and how intense they were.  maybe by keeping track of it we can get learn how to get a handle on it...because i know how hard it is to come out of one of the 'down' phases.