Fantasy Worlds

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Have you been living in a fantasy world? Tell me about it.

[Lily]

First, thanks for creating this page! I found the stuff on revolution health website and was really excited at first. I couldn't believe people fantasized like me! But there wasn't much activity on there. I agree with you that all those people coming up with different disorders was nonsense. I read through a lot of the post and every disorder people suggested did not fully fit me.

I'm in my mid-twenties and I've been fantasizing for as long as I can remember. Like you I thought it would be a good idea to try to turn them into stories but they're WAY too complicated and intricate. My fantasies have evolved and changed as I got older. My current world has been more or less the same for maybe 5 or more years. I have many characters in my fantasy and they have different backgrounds. I take on all the different characters in the fantasies. I do it a lot, probably spend way more time in my own world than I would like to admit. I do it when I'm alone but also when with other people. I have a relatively "normal" life. I'm a teacher and in grad school, live with my boyfriend, talk to my family, occasionally go out with friends. The fantasies don't interfere with my life that much. Although, if I really think about they do. I can make friends easily but have trouble keeping them. I usually end up pushing them away. My relationship with my family is pretty shallow. Once I get into the routine of not going out, I tend to stay in it. I have worried maybe I do have a personality disorder because I sometimes question if my emotions are ever genuine (although I don't fit the criteria for personality disorders). If my feelings get hurt, I don't show it and usually become aggressive as a defense. I invest very little into friendships and have a hard time thinking of others before myself. I think I don't put the effort into relationships because I know that I have a whole world where people are obsessed with me. I have been diagnosed (by a therapist at my college) about 5 years ago with an anxiety disorder. I've only been to therapy a handful of times and don't take any meds.

Well, I could go on forever so I'll stop there. I'm curious to know about the fantasy worlds of other people because for so long I thought I was crazy! As a side note, I have admitted to myself that right now I have no desire to stop my fantasies. I'm interested in talking about them but frankly, I really like them. It's second nature to me. I do fear as a get older this will have more and more of an impact on my functioning in the real world.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

No problem. I knew there were other people out there who had this. When I started that forum I had no idea the crazy response I'd get. One day I tried to count the number of individual people on there who said they had this same kind of problem (minus duplicate responses). I counted over 150! That's just ONE forum question too. I know there are more out there.

As for what I've discovered since then.............well it's been fascinating. The bad news is I've made no real progress with my own condition. I still have no real friends or social life except some people I have stimulating conversations with online. The good news is I've really learned a lot. I've searched far & wide for any disorder which matched my symptoms & can tell you with relative certainty that there is none. I explored every single disorder on there & none fit this. I knew in my heart they weren't right anyway, despite how many overlapping symptoms there were. I know I have depression, anxiety, etc, but I always felt there were symptoms of the underlying issue. I've spoken to numerous therapists & found out that they only wanted to treat the symptoms. They did rule out personality disorders as I've been doing this way too long to have one. I've been doing this since I was a baby, and usually you don't develop a personality disorder that quickly. I've been fighting to find someone to research this & stopped going back to that forum except randomly. I was severely depressed & starting to think no one would ever take this seriously.

Then out of nowhere I went back to the forum & perused some of the responses. That's when I saw Cynthia's post. FINALLY someone was interested in investigating this. We've been communicating ever since. It's a tough thing to tackle, but she's very dedicated.

I understand the desire to keep up the fantasies. I want to as well.........but my case is pretty severe. I need to quit, even if I don't want to. It's become a drug for me, and I can't stop myself from using. I've tried countless meds to no avail, but I have to believe one day there'll be an answer. In the meantime, reaching out & knowing we're not alone is a good start.

[Feng]

Hi all, my name is Feng

I like to thank you Cordellia for creating this wonderful website. It means a lot to people like me who has been struggling with this "disease" almost their entire life. I know some people don't consider it as a disease but I certainly do.

I've been following the thread on revolutionary health very closely and I've read every single posts so far. I even made a post on there on page 5, the name I used was Jung.

Since then I have made some small progress in coping with my daydreaming/fantasy problem. One thing was that I went to see a doctor and got myself diagnosed with depression. My doctor prescribed me with anti-depressant and that has helped a bit. I also noticed that overtime I have developed a tendency to use youtube videos to make my fantasies stronger. For example, my fantasize myself as a international super soccer star, I would watch a bunch of soccer clips on youtube and pretend that I am that person in the clip doing amazing dribbles and shots. Or, if my fantasy revolve around being an actor, I would watch some movie clips and pretend that I am that male actor delivering those dialogues. So by desperately trying to avoid the internet, I can reduce my urge to daydream somewhat.

[Cat]

Hi, I actually posted on revolution health before when I was 15. I'm 17 now, and my fantasy has still continued. I don't fantasize as much as I used to actually, but it still interfers with my daily life, and I sometimes fantasize for hours at time, forcing myself to stay awake just to do so. I became very aware of that when I was 15 and have strived to change to that. Unfortunately, I am very shy and my near lack of a social life just encourages me to fantasize even more. I actually almost stopped for a while last year though when everything was going perfect for me, but as soon as something awful happened I immediately started again.

I'm not sure if you would remember my post I made on revolution health, but as I said on there, I started fantasizing around 9 or 10 when I had nothing else to do, while riding my bike in circles at our summer home. My fantasy changes pretty often, but overtime the character that I am has developed into someone very similar to how I am outside of my fantasy. Though I'm less shy in my fantasy still, haha. Lately, my fantasy doesn't always hold my attention enough, and I find myself either pacing, running, or listening to music.

Anyways, I really appreciate you making this website. Thank you!

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Hi Maggie. Everything you're saying is perfectly normal. I'm 29 & have been doing this all my life as well. Unlike you this has taken over my life to the point where I never developed any bonds with anyone. I still can't get along with anyone except online. No friends. No family. Yadda yadda. It doesn't depress me like it used to. I finally I had to get over feeling sorry for myself for not being normal. The fact is my brain just works differently. I don't have the patience to just stand around & make noise at parties (what other people call conversation bores the SHIT out of me). It wasn't until I gave up trying to be like anyone else that I finally started (and I'm really just starting) learning how to work with my abilities.

Don't judge yourself for preferring your fantasy world. Of course you would! I'm sure you've built up a life so wonderful that anyone would prefer it. It goes with the territory. This doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother. If you're like me you have loving relationships in your fantasy world. It may not be conventional love, but it's still love. If you weren't a loving person you wouldn't feel love there either. You're just not inspired enough by the outside world. Neither am I...........until I started opening up about this. It took me many years to do so. I felt so ashamed. Who'd want to admit they're really the lonely fat girl lying around daydreaming all the time with no friends or family? Not me. I still don't talk about it much with people. Then again, I don't have many people to discuss it with.

You can try to talk to therapists if you want. They can try to help you, but here's a big heads up: I've spoken to many many therapists & undergone a full neuropsychological exam. NO THERAPIST I'VE SPOKEN TO HAS EVER HEARD OF THIS. Sure, many disorders can lead to distance & daydreaming. Autism spectrum, ADD inattentive, Schizoid Personality Disorder, etc. The DSM is full of them. But what WE have isn't the same. I mean for all I know you could have one of those..........but I don't. I really think this is something different. After years of constant research I can tell you with relative certainty that there exists no disorder exactly matching our symptoms. Of course therapists can be wonderful if you're looking for someone to talk to. Just be warned they may try & tell you you have disorders that you may not have. They often list your symptoms & diagnose you with the next closest thing. Since this disorder isn't in the DSM you won't be diagnosed with it. It's just the way the practice works.

I refused to see any more doctors or take any meds until I found someone who knew about this who could guide me. MIRACULOUSLY I found a lady in New York (clear across the country from me) who's studying it. She's a wonderful woman, and a God-send. Aside from her it literally hasn't been studied in 40 years or so. Crazy, no? Well to me that means this is our chance to be pioneers. The psychological community doesn't know about us........YET. This is our chance to share and possibly make a huge difference. How wonderful is that? You don't have to do anything. Feel free to just hang out here & share what you like. It's good to have a safe place to be yourself. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

FYI, if anyone wants to participate in Cynthia's study on this, please let me know. She's very nice & very interested in helping us. It's just a few questions. No one has to of course. Feel free to just hang out & do whatever you like.

Much love,
Cordellia

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Hi Maggie,
I don't have time to say much now as I have to leave for class soon. Cynthia is conducting a research study to try and understand what this is. She's the only one who believed me when I said this is it's own disorder & not just the result of other things like OCD, depression, ADD, anxiety, etc. She's trying to figure this out & hopefully get it named, understood, and recognized by the psychological community. We've been emailing back & forth for several months now. She's been very eager to understand all components of this issue. You don't have to participate if you don't want to, but it'll be helpful to our cause. She can explain it better. If you have any more questions about it, please feel free to email her. She's a wonderful person & will be very eager to help you if you'd like.
Secondly, please don't tell me I don't understand myself or am not how I say I am. I know myself very well. I'm not selling myself short in any way, shape, or form. If anything I think I'm too smart for everyone. I'm identifying struggles I have, and doing so is respectful to myself. Instead of forcing myself to be like everyone else I'm telling them what I can & cannot do. I'm sick of being told to just go out & socialize when that's not how my brain functions. I know what works for me & what doesn't. I'm trying to get more respect for people like us because most people don't. Most people see me as a lonely pathetic loser because I have no real friends & don't go out. I don't like just standing around making noise, like many people do at parties. I want to learn, be smart, and do something important & intellectual with my life. I want to show the world how I am so they can see what's good about ME & that it's OK to be different. People can't love you until they understand you. If they're used to seeing people who are a certain way then they're not going to know how to love you until you show them. I know myself, and I know how I am. I know you mean well, but it's not a compliment to tell me I don't know how I am. It's probably my biggest pet peeve.



Maggie Smith said:

Hi Cordellia and everyone. Although Im not totally isolated (I am lucky enough to have family and one close friend) I do find it very difficult to form relationships with people and as I say, have only one enduring friendship. I have always felt that I dont quite "fit in" anywhere and am different in some way or another from regular people. Does anyone else feel like that, not just from the fantasing side of our lives, but generally, do you feel different to other people.

Whats concerning me most at the moment is that because I have a "love interest" relationship in my fantasy world, it is now stopping me having a relationship in the real world because I find myself comparing everyone to my love in my fantasy world. Obviously no-one measures up and Ive been unable to have a relationship for over 5 years. Its completely crazy and Im sure no-one would ever understand it except the people on this forum. Im in love with someone who does not exist!!!! There Ive said it and I sound like a complete nutter. I honestly dont know if I could actually go and see a therapist and admit this to them face to face without cringing or wanting the ground to open up and swallow me. Im sane enough to realise this is crazy, so whats the deal?? Am I mad or am I sane, I really dont know anymore. I was thinking about asking my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist but I know the doctor is going to want me to explain why I need to go and I dont think I can explain it all to the doctor and then all again to the therapist. I dont ever talk about this to anyone, except now you guys.

Although Im a bit sceptical, perhaps you could expand in more detail how Cynthia hopes to help us. I did email her earlier in the year and she emailed back asking lots of questions but I felt I couldnt go into my problem in any detail at the time. Maybe if I have a better understanding of what she's doing then I can participate in her study.

Cordellia, your description of yourself in your last post is so wrong. When I saw your pictures on this site I was struck at how beautiful you are. Your really must not sell yourself short or believe those things you say about yourself.

Best wishes xxx

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

BTW I don't literally think I'm smarter than everyone. I'm just so focused on being smart that I get frustrated very easily with people & I admit that it gives me a little bit of a complex at times. I'm trying to 100% honest about all my personality traits, the good and the bad. We're not more flawed than other people. We're just going through a unique experience that needs to be shared, so people can understand us. By telling our struggles & sharing how our minds work we're not announcing our weakness but announcing our equality. People see us being very different & assume it's for the worse. "Stare hard retard." Anyone else hear that? I used to hear that all the time as a child. As a grown-up I just get weird looks, and people don't even try to hide them. I stare into space & people assume it's because something's wrong with me. I'm tired of hearing that. It's not true. I stare. I don't kill people. There are lots of these little traits that need to be brought out into the open & destigmatized.

[Anne Elizabeth]

Hi Guys,

I just stumbled across the revolution health post and read through it and am soo happy to see that others have this 'alternative world' that I have.

I am a 23 year old graduate student who is currently very extraverted and live a very happy and fufilling life. However I think that I began fantasizing in a time in my life where I was socially rejected by peers (I was an awkward 12 yr old) and found so much fufillment from it that I have never been able to let it go. Now I see it as a good supplement to my life.

Usually I make up epic type of stories, where I am the main character. They usually take place in the scifi/fantasy realm, so more scenarios are possible. Its kind of like reading a really good book where you are the main character and have some control over reality. Current my character (who is me but with a different name background reality) can teleport between dimensions from a medievil kingdom to a futuristic world and do really cool things.

My daydreaming usually takes place when Im alone or really bored. I actually think I started this habit when I was about 12 years old on an airplane. It has made me enjoy walking to class (time to immerse in my imagination). When I was young, I used to bounce balls (basketballs or tennis balls) while I imagined. Now I do it more descretely (my neighbors commented on my odd behavior).

In general I have kept this world secret- too many people I fear would think I was crazy or something. I have told close friends and when I explain it like 'having the mind of an author without the skills of a writer' they understand.

I used to try to stop this imagining because I thought that something was wrong with me. Now I just do it during times where it doesnt effect my real life. However I love it :):)

Thanks for making this site- I have never met someone who has also had this ability (as I like to think of it haha, maybe its something else).

[Ren]

Hi Cordellia and everyone,

I've been daydreaming for a few years now. I'm 21 years old. You guys can call me Ren (nickname). For the longest ive thought i had personality disorder, or ADD or bipolar disorder but none of the symptoms match to what i have. Then i stumbled across this website doing research. I am so happy i finally know what is wrong with me but at the same time sad, because now i know i absolutely have a problem. It used to be not that bad but now I am daydreaming for hours and hours usually all day because i am currently unemployed and i'm not going to school right now. The only time I dont do it for hours is when i am around my friends (i still do it BUT not as much) and even then I am just waiting for a chance for them to leave for a moment so i can do it.I like it im not going to lie, I want it to stop but it helps me cope. I think it keeps me from doing a lot of things I love like painting (im an artist) and holding conversations with people longer than 5 minutes. Its so bad my friends notice im doing it before I realize I am. a lot of the daydreams are me being someone else, with diffrent friends, and some of them are me going through bad scenerios. one thing I noticed from reading these posts is that we all love music because it helps with the fantisies, we are creative in some way, and have dreams of being a star, or author of a book, or in my case (a successful artist). We somewhat feel very diffrent from others, and consider the "mundane conversation" boring. I hate this world we live in with it's ignorance, hate, poverty, pain, rape, murder, etc. so i make my own. I it all makes sense now. Now what I want to do is fix it.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

It's a dilemma we all seem to face: Give up something we love so much for our own health and sanity? Or keep it as a release from this insane world? I can't stop either, and I've been trying for years. It hasn't subsided. I, too do it while doing anything and everything. It's a sort of addiction. Most people daydream some. Some of us can't stop. It doesn't have to be a terrible thing, if only we can learn to control it. No one's going to try and make you give it up. That's your decision. I'm still working hard to get help for us. We're going to get this noticed by the psychological community and even the world one day. That way we can at least remove the stigma, and at most find some real help or even a cure (for those who want it). Let's not give up. We know we have amazing abilities along with our obsessions. We'll find the help we need. I promise you I'm not giving up.

Lauren Warren said:

Hi Cordellia and everyone,

I've been daydreaming for a few years now. I'm 21 years old. You guys can call me Ren (nickname). For the longest ive thought i had personality disorder, or ADD or bipolar disorder but none of the symptoms match to what i have. Then i stumbled across this website doing research. I am so happy i finally know what is wrong with me but at the same time sad, because now i know i absolutely have a problem. It used to be not that bad but now I am daydreaming for hours and hours usually all day because i am currently unemployed and i'm not going to school right now. The only time I dont do it for hours is when i am around my friends (i still do it BUT not as much) and even then I am just waiting for a chance for them to leave for a moment so i can do it.I like it im not going to lie, I want it to stop but it helps me cope. I think it keeps me from doing a lot of things I love like painting (im an artist) and holding conversations with people longer than 5 minutes. Its so bad my friends notice im doing it before I realize I am. a lot of the daydreams are me being someone else, with diffrent friends, and some of them are me going through bad scenerios. one thing I noticed from reading these posts is that we all love music because it helps with the fantisies, we are creative in some way, and have dreams of being a star, or author of a book, or in my case (a successful artist). We somewhat feel very diffrent from others, and consider the "mundane conversation" boring. I hate this world we live in with it's ignorance, hate, poverty, pain, rape, murder, etc. so i make my own. I it all makes sense now. Now what I want to do is fix it.

[Jennifer]

Thanks so much for this site. I'd love to be a part of any study on this issue, as I have been doing the same type of things for 33 years. I too thought I was the only one. If my experiences can be of any help to you or your friend doing the study....let me know. I would be glad to post my life story...well, my "other life" story.

Cordellia Amethyste Rose said:

Hi Maggie. Everything you're saying is perfectly normal. I'm 29 & have been doing this all my life as well. Unlike you this has taken over my life to the point where I never developed any bonds with anyone. I still can't get along with anyone except online. No friends. No family. Yadda yadda. It doesn't depress me like it used to. I finally I had to get over feeling sorry for myself for not being normal. The fact is my brain just works differently. I don't have the patience to just stand around & make noise at parties (what other people call conversation bores the SHIT out of me). It wasn't until I gave up trying to be like anyone else that I finally started (and I'm really just starting) learning how to work with my abilities.

Don't judge yourself for preferring your fantasy world. Of course you would! I'm sure you've built up a life so wonderful that anyone would prefer it. It goes with the territory. This doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother. If you're like me you have loving relationships in your fantasy world. It may not be conventional love, but it's still love. If you weren't a loving person you wouldn't feel love there either. You're just not inspired enough by the outside world. Neither am I...........until I started opening up about this. It took me many years to do so. I felt so ashamed. Who'd want to admit they're really the lonely fat girl lying around daydreaming all the time with no friends or family? Not me. I still don't talk about it much with people. Then again, I don't have many people to discuss it with.

You can try to talk to therapists if you want. They can try to help you, but here's a big heads up: I've spoken to many many therapists & undergone a full neuropsychological exam. NO THERAPIST I'VE SPOKEN TO HAS EVER HEARD OF THIS. Sure, many disorders can lead to distance & daydreaming. Autism spectrum, ADD inattentive, Schizoid Personality Disorder, etc. The DSM is full of them. But what WE have isn't the same. I mean for all I know you could have one of those..........but I don't. I really think this is something different. After years of constant research I can tell you with relative certainty that there exists no disorder exactly matching our symptoms. Of course therapists can be wonderful if you're looking for someone to talk to. Just be warned they may try & tell you you have disorders that you may not have. They often list your symptoms & diagnose you with the next closest thing. Since this disorder isn't in the DSM you won't be diagnosed with it. It's just the way the practice works.

I refused to see any more doctors or take any meds until I found someone who knew about this who could guide me. MIRACULOUSLY I found a lady in New York (clear across the country from me) who's studying it. She's a wonderful woman, and a God-send. Aside from her it literally hasn't been studied in 40 years or so. Crazy, no? Well to me that means this is our chance to be pioneers. The psychological community doesn't know about us........YET. This is our chance to share and possibly make a huge difference. How wonderful is that? You don't have to do anything. Feel free to just hang out here & share what you like. It's good to have a safe place to be yourself. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

FYI, if anyone wants to participate in Cynthia's study on this, please let me know. She's very nice & very interested in helping us. It's just a few questions. No one has to of course. Feel free to just hang out & do whatever you like.

Much love,
Cordellia

[Ren]

what do you guys do do try and limit the daydreamaing?