Parasocial Relationships

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I tend to admire public figures and their families online, but feel that I have parasocial relationships with them. They have no idea that I think about them everybody and always reviewing their instagram platforms, videos, articles, and websites. I then start to fantasize that I am their friend and we know each other, whereas in real life, who knows how they'd react if we've ever actually met. Well I'd been a fan of this singer and learned all about their wife & daughter, brothers, father, mother, friends, etc., also the work they do, even their love lives. This has become a vicious cycle, and I notice, their lives and business nearly took over my frame of mind and concocted fantasies in my MD life. I'm trying to stop my addiction, which is not easy. I keep on saying to myself "no don't," and I have to practice not to. 

It's just amazing when you idolize someone, it gets out of control, and suddenly you guys are fictional buddies, when sadly in real life, it's inconceivable to their consciousness that you are out there somewhere marvelling at them everyday online. 

[Jade Kim]

you must go no contact!!

For me, it was a romantic parasocial relationship situation. 

It's been 1month since going no contact, and it's gotten so much better. my self esteem has skyrocketed and I'm feeling so much happier. 

I downloaded various extensions on my browser to stop myself from feeding myself of their content online. 

some of my favorites are :

-Keyword blocker (and block their names) 

-YT block (blocks me from seeing any youtube videos of them)

-unhook ( another youtube blocker that helps me from my youtube addiction which is the main cause of my limerence)

and use app blockers for social media apps. 

During the day, I keep myself as busy as possible, and try to make sure that I'm with other people. 

I still daydream about them at night before I go to sleep ( i cannot control this part very well yet) but it's gotten way better so far because at least I'm not thinking about them during the day. 

Because the more you watch them and consume their content, the more smaller you feel , and more regret you feel from wasting time which destroys your self esteem (this was the case for me, at least)

I also stopped putting them on a pedestal. They probably have a side to them that they don't show to the public. You don't know who they truly are. Also believe that there are so many great traits about you that THEY don't have. even the small ones. compliment yourself. not just on how you look, but every time you get a small chore done, or when you smil and say hi to someone tell yourself you're very warm and friendly and likeable. pedestalize YOURSELF. And re-direct the love and support you want to give them to yourself.

Also take note of every single blessing. feel gratitude for the small stuff. The good, perfect life they show online isn't real. remember that celebs are professional liars. they are distractions .

It helps when you name the exact emotion that you want to feel with them everytime thoughts of them pop up. during the MD, take a notebook and write down what feeling you're getting from them. is it belonging? fun? affection? exciting flirtation? recognition?  There's probably a certain emotion that you're craving from this person. For me it was the feeling of being chosen and desired. 

For example, when I think about telling them "I love you " or writing a letter to them. I just take a deep breath, and tell MYSELF "i love you" and that I am beautiful and become my own hypewoman. also compliment yourself for trying, even if you slip up sometimes. 

Finally, remember this feeling of sadness that you feel from knowing that they don't know who you are. Remember that thinking about this person will make you feel sad about your life, and focus on what you're missing instead of all of the blessings that you have. everytime you want to relapse, remind yourself that this celeb is not some demi-god or special person, and actually they are toxic for your self esteem and mental health. 

hope this helps! 

I'm rooting for you. 

[Valeria Franco]

It is sad...

Parasocial relationship can be fine and can make you feel less alone, but when we daydream about them we end up feeling even more alone in the end