Fantasizing about people I've never met

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I will learn about a person online, it could be a public figure, even a civilian, but I never meet them and know who they are. I suddenly find that I create fantasies of seeing them in person, and we become good friends. I start having conversations with them about my own life, but in real life we are perfect strangers. I think its crazy to make up tales about a person I've just never met in the flesh. How do I know if they will like me, and not think I'm a dolt or creep? Crinkle their face and not understand or hear a word I'm saying. Keep their response short and sweet, and then brush by— or give a hard look, like they don't know what to make of me. Some of these people are still alive, and others have passed away. 

I think I create stories with them in it, because my life isn't very social, and I get lonely. I'm at home a lot. There was this celebrity whom I nearly worshipped for a couple years now. I researched about his whole family, and learned about his career. Then I researched about his child, who runs a successful business, and has a partner, and travels places. I went on her social media reels, and got really stunned at what I didn't realize about her—in contrast to what my MD has been weaving up. It made the nerves run all over my body. 

I hear that this is extremely common and normal human behavior for people who are lonely and bored. Your brain fills in the gaps, creating a perfect or idealized version of that person. You project your hopes, desires, and dreams onto a stranger or someone you barely met, turning them into an ideal friend in your head. 

Regardless, placing a person as a pedestal can lead to major disappointing when they fail to live up to your fantasy. At early stage, when a fantasy get intense, this can you anxious, causing you to fear saying the wrong thing or act in a way it brings down a real-world potential. 

[Igor Skeff]

I go through similar situations…

I’ve fallen in love with girls and they existed in my fantasies, but in real life there was no intimacy at all.

I’ve been trying to reduce my triggers (not listening to music, not daydreaming), and also focusing much more on the present moment.

I’ve had a few relapses over the past three days, but now I want to get back on track.

What has been helping me is that during some boring activities, I simply put on a podcast so I can learn something while doing the task. It really takes my attention away and helps me learn new things.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I wanted to look a certain way by my age, and be more appreciated and seen by others. I think my problem is that I didn't speak up and tell people how I felt, and what this meant. I just kept to myself and daydreamed around all the time. Meanwhile, everybody else went on with their lives, not knowing a thing. So I spent years and years fantasizing about what I wanted to see, but everything just went in vain. Now I feel anticipating what I needed and dreamed of was all for nothing. I feel like such a fool, right now. 

I didn't even take the lengths to go get it—I was secretive. 

Pardon, I'm on the spectrum, and my behavior gives people false impressions, so they get condescending without even getting to realize what a good person I really am.