How does MDD connect with the real world?

[Penelope Jane Clark]

Hi there, my daughter has maladaptive daydreaming and I'm writing a novel where a 17 year old boy has it too.

I was thinking about how to show it in the novel - so that people who don't have it can understand how compulsive it is, how it links to your 'real' life, and how to some extent it can even help people cope with certain things.

Do you ever feel as though you are stepping into another world like some sci-fi portal?

Do you pace with eyes closed or open, and do you always need some kind of motion or do you also do it on car journeys or in bed or on the sofa?

Do you replay scenes, refining them, practising a plot until you get it 'right'?

Have you created characters based on someone you vaguely know, or met once?

Do some of you daydream everyday situations or is it ALWAYS fantastical?

I was thinking of showing it as if my character lives on this island, people by characters he has created, some based on people he knows or characters from books or films.

My daughter has done it since childhood and she is now 21, and she only discovered the name for it from this website, and she was SO relieved to know there were other people like her.

If anyone wants to share their story, I promise I won't use it in my novel as I already have the plot worked out, but it would help with my background research. I don't want anyone with MDD to feel that I have misrepresented them in my story, and I am definitely not making fun of or demonising MDD in any way.  Thanks!

[Jessica Ballantyne]

She is so lucky to have an understanding mother like you. My mom thinks I need good psychiatry. I used to be a maladaptive daydreamer, but I stopped for several reasons. It drastically effected my life, and I don't think I'll return. It was very hard for me to conceal it in public, so everybody used to notice. It was so very embarrassing. 

I used to feel like I was landing into a different world each time, or kept the same world for months. 

I used to pace with my eyes open and stare at the floor, or a table, and this was everywhere; school, backyard, sofa, bed, car trips, even when hiking. 

I did used to replay scenes, make them better next time, and rehearse the plot until I was satisfied. Sometimes these plots were quite naughty.

Yes, I have created characters that were based on all sorts of people whom I used to know, or met once, and the characters were so much nicer and cooperative than the real ones. I met someone I really liked at work, and had fantasies that we got together and even started a family. When I sent him an email in real life to show my admiration for him, he showed no feelings in return and reported me to the manager. 

I always daydreamed fantastical, so because it was way more interesting. I used to create worlds where I used to travel back in time to certain eras in history, just like Outlander, and interacted with historical figures or unknowns. 

[Penelope Jane Clark]

Hi Jessica,

Thanks for sharing your experience. It must be so difficult to have family who may not understand MD so they reject it, which feels like they reject you!

I have finished my novel - its called Outlandish - and I'm looking for first readers. Would you be interested to read it? If I can get more of a following, perhaps I can get it published and present a more inclusive tolerant view of MD. 

My email is [e-mail] if you'd like to read it or talk more.

Best wishes,

Penny

[Celeste]

So what made you to stop? Is because basically you revealed it ? Like that i can imagine people would be more aware of you and what exatly you doing so basically its a kind of "people notice me daydreaming so i have to stop" as of course is extreamly embarassing.

Or

did you go to a therapist?

Jessica Ballantyne said:

She is so lucky to have an understanding mother like you. My mom thinks I need good psychiatry. I used to be a maladaptive daydreamer, but I stopped for several reasons. It drastically effected my life, and I don't think I'll return. It was very hard for me to conceal it in public, so everybody used to notice. It was so very embarrassing. 

I used to feel like I was landing into a different world each time, or kept the same world for months. 

I used to pace with my eyes open and stare at the floor, or a table, and this was everywhere; school, backyard, sofa, bed, car trips, even when hiking. 

I did used to replay scenes, make them better next time, and rehearse the plot until I was satisfied. Sometimes these plots were quite naughty.

Yes, I have created characters that were based on all sorts of people whom I used to know, or met once, and the characters were so much nicer and cooperative than the real ones. I met someone I really liked at work, and had fantasies that we got together and even started a family. When I sent him an email in real life to show my admiration for him, he showed no feelings in return and reported me to the manager. 

I always daydreamed fantastical, so because it was way more interesting. I used to create worlds where I used to travel back in time to certain eras in history, just like Outlander, and interacted with historical figures or unknowns. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yes I revealed it too much! I do have Asperger Syndrome, and we can't get away with squat. We don't know how to act around people socially, so if we do anything dumb, then we'll likely get so get caught and very embarrassed. I had to slow MDD to a stop myself, without seeing a therapist. It took me years of real-world experience in my adulthood to realize what I was doing. Apparently, when I started out, I was very immature with no perception of the world around me, and I was carefree. Life felt like bliss back then, when I was doing it as a kid. Then I got hit with adult responsibilities, and my whole world changed forever. I had to stop daydreaming! Also, not only my family found out about it...non-family did too..out in public! I was so alarmed about this, I eventually decided to discontinued. I was so appalled at what might happen between others and me. It just got to be too much. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I didn't go to a therapist. 

I realized that doing MD was not a good idea. It's easy when you're a kid, people treat you like you're a kid. When I became an adult in the real world, things got a little too intense for me. People thought I had an attitude problem, when really, my mind was somewhere else. I've had people literally throw it in my face. They didn't know me, nor cared any less. I had to protect myself better, so I decided to slow it way down a notch with the MD. Still to this day, it makes no difference, because I also have Asperger syndrome. Then they just notice my syndrome and act on that too. People define what they think is normal in society, and I don't behave based on those rules, because I'm not sure how. So they're like, Why are you like this? My family now knows all about my mind, and the way I can be. I find it hard to explain to my mom that I changed over the years, and I'm not the same person 15 years ago. She thinks that I can't take care of myself, all because I tend to daydream. Many people who daydream can still take care of themselves and live by themselves.  

[Schatten]

Hi Jessica, how old were you when you quit? How long did it take to get over it and what helped you?

[Kalliope]

Hello, and thanks for writing such a wonderful book.

Have a look at Eretaia's blogs, she details what some people achieve with the MD, when it is a coping mechanism. - https://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/part-iv-curing-md and https://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/part-2-curing-maladaptive-d...

It's been a few years since i did MD, but, I'll try to answer your questions too!

Do you ever feel as though you are stepping into another world like some sci-fi portal? - Yes. It's more a tunnel-vision, hypnotic state. Like watching TV, or gaming. It has your entire focus and engagement, but, the outer world's there in the periphery. For some, I think like Jessica, the outer world might have been really distant at that point.

I think there's different depths to it - yet MD, opposed to thinking deeply about a subject/problem, has an emotional coloring or a feeling to each of its thoughts. I think now that everything in MD is a translation of a thing that is lacking in real life: the landscape, the characters, the acts and adventures, the consequences - yet they are not plain representations, but metaphors and translations.

Generally put, a child, even a fairy princess, can represent a muted childhood, adventures in a vast landscape can represent the burdens and chains of daily life; accolades and luxury can represent the lack of joy in real life, and harsh punishments the sense that one isn't giving their all in real life. These all feel like very on-the nose! But when implemented in MD, woven together, they become an intricate landscape of action and feelings for the person who MD's. Only when the person tries to analyze them, and actually write down the plot, and tries to decipher it, they might realize it is actually quite simple, and even simplistic, and can be reduced to a few archetypes of things missing in real life. But this discovery itself about one’s own MD is very transforming and freeing. What is frees you from is, however, the coping mechanism, and the underlying problem that required coping needs to be tackled too.

Do you pace with eyes closed or open, and do you always need some kind of motion or do you also do it on car journeys or in bed or on the sofa? - There’s a few qualitative studies researching this, most but not all is associated with motion and music. It went with every routine action. It was difficult to impossible when reading, actively thinking like at work or when talking. But, lectures, trying to fall asleep, car journeys in particular, hiking, aerobic sports – MD can be almost omnipresent when other people are not engaging you.

Do you replay scenes, refining them, practising a plot until you get it 'right'? - I think that’s very varied, but, not really. It was more about the experience than the perfectionism.

Have you created characters based on someone you vaguely know, or met once? - Likewise very varied, but, no, real life people felt too personal. More like characters that were an archetype, a representation of factors in real life: education, childhood, relationship aspects.

Do some of you daydream everyday situations or is it ALWAYS fantastical? -Likewise crazily varied, but, always fantastical. I didn’t even like thinking about everyday situations. And thinking of a super-improved everyday life with all goals accomplished? That didn’t feel right.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I have to confess I was a "goof" all my life. Since I was a kid, I didn't really take anything seriously, except for my art. I fell on my face everywhere else, wasn't successful at other practices. I am very good creatively and visually brilliant. But when it comes to worldly occupations, I just don't understand the harsh cold realities of economy, work ethic, and professionalism. Others have looked at me like I was a total moron, but that is just me. If they found out I had a trace of MD in me, they'd kick me out, like fast and the furious. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I want to make a better impression so that I can make friends. But I've been introvert, haven't practiced for years and just got over my MD state. I used to not be liked when I was on the scene, and most times, it was very awful. I don't want to make the same mistake again. I do want to make friends, but I can be Quiet. So I am afraid that's going to kill it. My lack of verbal skills can drive people up the banana tree. In fact, I lost the ability to make friends that way. It makes people think I'm dumb and don't socialize. 

[Martino]

Hello Jessica, I would like to answer to all your 5 questions:

1. More then a sci-fi portal, it works like some kind of teleportation, just like Goku: no effects, just my imaginary scene in my imaginary world all of sudden.
2. Is always on open eyes, I can stand still or just moving, is indifferent; it happens everywhere, even in my car when I'm driving (always while I feel comfortable, in highways, not where I'm in town, where I'm much more concentrated); lately I'm even doing in my bed at 3 a.m., when I should sleep instead.
3. Yes, I replay scenes and refine them, sometimes I even discard old ones when I keep doing more scenes about one of my characters.
4. Yes and I even make them interact, sometimes I even make them interact with me; not only that but I also create characters based on real famous ones (actors, sportsmen, showmen, etc.) and sometimes I even make them interact, sometimes in a ostile ways, sometimes in a friendly one, sometimes I also make them interact even with me; I also create even anime/cartoon characters and make them interact with others already created (Goku, Kenshiro, Tiger Mask, JoJo and many others).
5. Sometimes I daydream everyday situations, especially the ones that I hope happens to me one day (being finally able to take care of myself in a economic point of view; do guided tours for my idols (I'm a tour guide); other times it gets fantastical but only when I daydreams about cartoon/anime characters, when I'm daydreaming about real people or the characters based on them is always realistic.

These are all I can say about my daydreams. Keep in mind that these are mine day dreams, the ones of the other peoples can be different.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

How can you drive when you are a daydreamer? 

[Martino]

When I'm on a highway or a state road, where everything is straight and you have not so much cars in the nearby.