I constantly freeze

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I stopped being active with maladaptive daydreaming years back. I have crucial responsibilities, try to stay away and concentrate, but notice that I suddenly wonder off and my eyes go dazed for a minute or so. This happens when I'm chill and during an stress-free time. Family and friends have made remarks that I look like my mind is somewhere else. I'm not sure though, it's more like I zone out. I'm trying to seek employment, but so afraid that when I start a new gig, someone will notice my eyes! Maybe even my frozen state. Unless the job is remote. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I do think about something irrelevant to my my real surrounding environment—but I pause and my eyes stare at some object—and someone notices. Whereas you think or MD, but you describe it as if that's undetectable, like your body and facial gestures look normal and natural. So, who would know? Unless they said something, and you didn't catch it. But I look like I'm frozen in time, is what I mean. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yeah, even after I went through a stressful situation that eventually got resolved, and just want to wind down, I just turn off and my eyes go still, and I'm in another zone. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My concern is that it's occurring more often, and I have to flinch or smack myself to stop it.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yes, I'm aware of what's happening in my surrounding environment, and what I'm thinking about. It's just, I tend to go deep in thought, and stop whatever I'm doing. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I happen to find myself in a very intellectual and educated crowd of people lately, mostly my family. They discuss politics, economics, history, finance, society, culture etc. I do find their conversations interesting, but when I eat, I prefer to think my own thoughts, and I loose track of what they're saying. It's not that I live in another world—I'm just happen to be more interested in my own train of thoughts. In other words, I tend to be self-absorbed. 

Regards, when I do freeze, I don't do it around them, I'm usually sitting all by myself doing my own things. So nobody can see that I'm frozen, and evidently gone. I had people catch me in the act, and could tell right away that I'm daydreaming. It's embarrassing, but I've had peers, family, friends, co-workers, managers (even customers!) tell that I'm not really here. After I stopped MD, I stopped hearing any comments, because my eyes now look normalized and I'm always going. Maybe when I'm not listening, then they think "Why didn't you you hear that? Are you deaf? It's like it went out the other ear." 

But looking frozen is just the worst, because it makes it appear most evident to others that I am not in this world. So they start waving their hand in my face. Oh brother. To make matters worse, I do tend to talk out loud to myself, and actually made others think I'm some weirdo. When really I'm just thinking out loud, sorting my intellectually thoughts, and clearing my system, so my head isn't so preoccupied. But I could also write on paper to do this, which is safer. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Why are opening these topics a crime in your household?

And Yes, I've had people say, "Do you have imaginary friends?" and my mom says, "Talking to your voices?"

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I see, so you live with people who aren't so smart as you are, therefore they like easy talk. My family is smart in their own ways, and my sister is brilliant. I'm smart too, but not in a verbally expressive way. I'm truly a smart person at heart, but I don't verbally prove it—like I'm a very quiet and socially awkward person. It has mislead people to think that I'm so stupid and don't talk. They didn't want to be friends with me. They just found me boring, unfriendly, and dumb-looking. So this being said, it just made me want to daydream, because my fictional friends were all I had left. But then, everyone just found me too weird for words, just living in other worlds, talking to air, and giggling for nothing. Didn't feel so great being around me. There was a time, where I thought I could pretend to be a normal and socially acceptable person, but even that didn't work. I do have Asperger syndrome, which also makes people think you're not behaving the way socially inclined people should. So I gave up, and went my own way in life. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yeah, I also have trouble reading emotions and body gestures, or understanding how they'd want me to react to their statement. I've pissed people off this way. Asperger syndrome sucks. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Your family sounds rude, and ignorant of your needs and feelings, and how your mind works. They think MD is the reason you are smart? Smart people dream to create the wildest ideas in their head and come up with creative solutions. That isn't particularly a mental problem. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

That's too bad Mina. Maybe you can talk to someone who will actually listen. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

The feeling is mutual. I feel like there's nobody around to listen to me, or understand how I feel about everything—maybe except for my dad. Like I'm kind of living in a wall. I often wonder if anybody even knows that I exist—that I'm there. I think it's because I'm not approachable and don't express myself, so people shrug and take off, or wonder why the hell I'm so quiet. Reason could be that I dwell in my head a lot. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I can talk, but it's how I talk. People think I'm being so serious. I tend to say obvious things with a blank look on my face. They tell me to smile and "you should've said it this way..." It's so embarrassing every time. It's like I'm dead pan and I don't even have an exciting voice. It sounds like a drawl. That only makes people think that I'm tired. As if I don't practice to stay sharp as a tack. Sad thing is I could've changed all this, if I hadn't daydreamed, and practiced socializing. I had years, and years, and years to think about this. But it hurts how nobody in the world could have a close bond with me...because my verbal skills just aren't good enough, or maybe they feel that I just don't talk. And then I want to get away from it all, by escaping to a better place that isn't real. I think I'm shocked this is my reality, and my daydreams are a comforting mechanism to suppress that harsh emotion. 

People are for real, and they'll make a real point. They're just trying to help you by stating a harsh fact in life. Even my family told me the truth of what they think is my struggle and why things are not working out. But I feel like absolutely everybody pushed off—all because of my gob. That is no dream, that's human nature. 

But what I want is to find a mirror soul person who doesn't do this.