Finally assuming the problem

[Alexandrina Volkova]

Hello!

I have been dealing with MD since childhood. I lived with a very violent grandmother and to escape this context I started to create stories in my head, stories much more satisfying than the reality. However, my self-esteem was always very low and my stories were always about glorious achievements of people close to me. Never mine. And this pattern continues to this day.
I didn't want to assume the enormous harm that MD generated in my professional and personal life. I wanted (in fact I still want) to remain in the comfort of my fantasies but I am getting old and I am afraid of dying without having really lived.

I am really glad that this place exists with people who can understand this very intimate problem of mine. Thank you in advance for reading me.

[Cain]

Hi Alexandrina - I understand how you feel. With each passing year, I too used to feel like I'm wasting away my life. Looking back at my past, it feels like I haven't been a part of reality at all. And I can relate to your fear. It's not pleasant when you realize you might end up wasting your entire life without feeling alive. 

In a way, I'm glad that I feel this way. I have always been indiffernt towards myself and how my life has been and this hasn't helped much when it comes to dealing with MD. Being able to deal with MD requires resilience as you'll have to deal with too many things that you have been repressing for a long time. 

The feeling of throwing away my life to MD and wasting it entirely, the frustration and the resentment has defnitntely pushed me to take a leap and start processing what I need to process emotionally.  

I'm glad you feel this way too. And I hope just like me, these feelings will encourage you to get in touch with your emotions that you have been running away from for a long time. 

There are people in this fourm who have been able to start feeling their emotions in reality again. There are people who have been able to feel and process all their repressed emotions and are now living so much more richer lives. And I hope you and I will be one of these people some day. 

Take care of yourself, 
Cain

[Jessica Ballantyne]

A lot of my life problems triggered me to daydream. I had autism spectrum disorder, so I have issues communicating and interacting with others. I was labeled as stupid, bonehead, retarded, idiot etc. As I didn't behave according to other people's expectations, nor did I fit into society very well. I wasn't even in the norm. So I felt socially cut out. After I drifted apart from my school peers, things were very different in adulthood. I now had serious cares, and daydreaming made it hard for me to Grow and develop properly, so earning my independence was extremely difficult. I had so many jobs and so many friend bonds that just didn't last. I was very shy and very quiet, and lived a recluse for years now. I feel like life just passed me by, and I never got any experiences and chances with anyone. It is so terrible. I've met a lot of people who thought I was stir crazy. Relationships were not there either. Sometimes, I feel like a lost cause. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I didn't ever get the meaning of social interaction across. I always believed that while standing around being good and looking all pretty, that I can still attract others, even start a relationship. Problem is I wasn't approachable, even interactive, and actually looked dumb just standing there all quietly. So instead, I attracted a lot of bullies and negative people with problems of their own, who found me a perfect target to be mean to and dump their insecurities on. Being a little kid who had no clue what was emotionally happening all around me, I shrugged my shoulders and assumed they were just mean kids having fun and f'ing around. I found nothing wrong with myself. Over the years, it all caught up with me. I drifted further apart from others, growing up and doing my own things, but not engaging in more social activities. I began to get more immersed into my daydream life to an extent it became my life. Looking back at over the past 20 years, it looks as though, my dream life replaced my true existing life.