Has anyone believed and fell for their daydreams?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I daydreamed since I was a kid, and I believed in them until I was 35. Reality hit me hard, like a brick. I realize now that my fantasies were bogus, and I should've payed attention to my real waking life every single day. It's kind of late—my family already knows and lots of other people noticed too. I just feel like a total idiot, right now. There's no going back to undo what I did, except to learn my lesson and get on with it. It majorly effected my whole life, including my career and relationships. I feel as though my 'daydreams' did the damage. I'm very afraid too—because I'm a mature woman who should act like one and set responsibilities, which it seems I fail to do. I feel so mortified and ashamed this is the person I grew up to be. There are people in my life who are disappointed in me as well. 
I don't get how anybody gets by and survives getting so immersed and locked in their dreams, no offence. I certainly can't. 

[Mace Winter]

I don’t really “believe” my daydreams, but sometimes I question whether a particular memory is real or from a daydream. I think I’ve replaced some actual memories with a daydream memory. I think.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Cool. Yes, at times I can't say what happened in my past was real or not, I mean many many years ago. 

[Mace Winter]

Such an interesting life, isn’t it? 

I’m happy to have other’s to share this odd experience. It’s something very few can really understand.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I feel that I turned a "blind eye" to my past events. This surrounds how people felt towards my presence around them. They overreacted and took me the wrong way. Though for some reason, I felt they sort of had the 'right' to make these criticisms, even though it was so harsh. Maybe they expressed how socially awkward and stupid I made myself appear to be. I was quite smart, but I just didn't talk. Moreover, I wasn't a very irresponsible person. I didn't address to what was going on around me. So people acted towards me like I was so bloody minded, or something. Even though this happens to many who don't behave smartly and pay attention, and everybody just thinks they're an idiot. So typical of anybody's childhood. 

My next point is this caught up with me in adulthood. I didn't know how to take care of myself and solve my own problems. This made it extremely difficult for me leave my comfort zone and make a big world of difference, and think for myself independently, which most adults do. Somehow, I failed to achieve this. SO I never started a family and got my own house, even thrived in a career. 

What I find so odd is that my daydream life looked the exact polar opposite of these real effects. Since I came of age, I was self-convinced that life will start—and I'll just stand up and start acting like a grown up all of a sudden. Over the years, I was beginning to prove myself wrong, when my grades suffered in college and I kept on getting terminated from jobs. After graduation, I believed I will spread my wings and fly. Excel and grow in a career I enjoy and get my first apartment. Even meet a guy. 
Realistically, I was a very shy and quiet person who couldn't attract anything that lives. I failed to prove myself well-educated and showed no hint of professionalism in my first design jobs. I wasn't a successful person on all fronts of life. 

So I can clearly see why you don't believe in your daydreams. Real life just doesn't look like them. I can't tell you how many times I ended up so shocked after learning the truth—why I'm in my situations, and what I can't change. 

[Elaine]

It's the absolute worst when I convince myself someone loves me and they don't. Music in particular can really exacerbate the problem. Honestly, romance is the one part of my life that MD really interferes with.

I used to feel the same way though, Jessica, and sometimes I still do. College was like a slap in the face; I thought I was going to be transformed and perfect and adult when I got there but, ha, I dropped out after 2 years.

Now, I don't really worry about being on my own even though I live with family. I just had to really honestly evaluate myself. My dad made a lot of money and I never believed I could which made me feel like I could never take care of myself, but I realized I don't need that much damn money. Once I adjusted my expectations of life, I could meet my expectations for myself. Hope that makes sense.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yeah, apparently, my dad makes lots of money and he expects me to make plenty of money too. I find it hard to believe I still live with my parents over 30. I thought I was better than this, I guess not. I once considered myself a mature person as a teen, and then I found out in adulthood that I really wasn't a mature person after all. There is a difference between thinking your mature, and knowing your mature. No matter how much you pretend, someone will tell if you're not. Entering adulthood is a harder ball game. You're going to be dealing with a lot of difficult personalities that are more than you can chew. I used to be so innocent and complacent—thought life will be amazing and beautiful. I could if I did the correct things for myself. Apparently it didn't go that way for the fact I daydreamed so exuberantly for years. I look back at myself in my youth, and I realize what an idiot I was. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm just saying, for a 36 years old with (18 years in adulthood) it's not easy out there at all. The more eccentric or odd you are, the harder it will be. I don't mean to sound unpleasant. I live with my mom, she's not easy, and she drives me crazy everyday. 

[Elaine]

Girrrrl, you're not sounding unpleasant at all. I cut my mother out of my life entirely (the feeling was mutual).

Let's talk about age. It used to be a big deal in my daydreams, because as I aged, so did my characters. But, in the beginning, it worried me that I would always daydream about teenagers. Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, and I know I can't say for sure because I'm only 23... but I think I'll feel the same in 10 years :)

I recently started daydreaming that I'm older than I am. It's like I scaled that wall and now I wonder why I was ever afraid of it.

I moved around a lot as a kid and I've found that more than a year at one job is really a big ask for me. Again, I can't really give advice because I'm 23 and not independent. I've had 5 jobs this year, and I can confidently say that I think there's reliable employment for you. You just might have to take that first leap (a couple times).

This is probably so weird to say, but you're life is inspiring to me.

I relate to you because my family can be downright vicious (not saying that yours is, just that I know parental pressure and especially, ESPECIALLY disappointment). Honestly, all I'm saying is that once I realized that I could make ENOUGH to just not be homeless and/or starving, that was all I needed.

I don't want to paint your situation in a rosy light. You feel how you feel and your feelings are valid. I think it's completely understandable, of course. I feel like in a parallel universe, I totally did that. I've had myself convinced that I was going to be like a real life mary sue, like, "so what I've procrastinated it for years? I'm gonna get to it and it's gonna be great."

If I may be 100% real, I do want to offer just one piece of advice. I know it's got to be shocking to feel like you just woke up from a daydream at 36, but I suggest you try and move past that shock. I reached one point where I was having a breakdown and thought everything good was just a distraction from "reality" which was just the finality of death (I was not okay lol). And my parents were no help! None at all. But, eventually, I was able to go on with my life. It's gonna be okay.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My dad knows that I daydream, and he still supports me career-wise. My mom is no help. She just gets all critical on me and warns me that I will fail.

Yes—I do feel shocked, the last 22 years of life was a huge daydream. I can't be sure if I should be mad at myself or mad at LIFE.

Even if I did make RISKS and put myself to the test, by paying attention to people and trying my hand at things, I probably still would've fallen on my face every damn day. I am perfectly aware of how people truly are around me. They stubbornly look and respond to me a very certain way. I've always been on my very own. This must explain what I was quite a daydreamer. 

All in all, I will never give up on my journey to success. When I do land a new job, I swear that I will work very hard. Get myself out of that rutty existence that I currently face and it's all a matter of time.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What disgusts me about MD is that it tells you things that aren't true. This might sound obvious at first glance. When I was your age, MD told me that my life is going to be fabulous. It turned out to be anything but. 

I wish that I snapped out of it, and reminded myself "Nothing out there is easy. What are you talking about?!" 

I got a bit too excited towards life back then. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I want to be liked, but I need to work on this. Problem is I give others the impression that I don't like them. So they'll get all condescending and think I'm unfriendly. They'll even start to manipulate me and treat me like a punching bag for their own issues. Others will think I'm too quiet and timid to be their friend. 

When I was very young, I didn't understand all of this. I was naive, innocent, self-satisified and inexperienced. I jumped to assumptions on stuff that I knew nothing about it. I convinced myself that I will have no trouble growing into the world and making a different—without any hassles and interferences. I even believed one day I will find a romantic partner and make a circle of friends, which ultimately didn't happen. It felt like a cold face slap, really. People noticed that I was lonely, and they made fun of me very morbidly. 

It took me until 36 to realize that dreams happen only if you make them. I missed out on opportunities for years thinking life just happens to you. It's upsetting when you learn this late in the game. 

After I graduated from college, I thought I was going to a launch a career and get married. My mom eventually stumbled upon the fact that I was a daydreamer—and she got pissed. She swore that I'd never be successful at much else, all but ART. Whenever I got a new position, she warned me that I will be fired if they notice something is wrong with me. We've had this relationship for a good 12 years. It's so boring!

I really learned a hell of a lot, after all these decades. I'm not your typical MD'er anymore. I hope to move toward into a better way of life, with all those tough lessons under my belt. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm holding grudges here. I WISH that I listened to people. That goes especially to my dad. They all advised that I leave my shell and go meet people in social activities. I look back at many years of cowardice, and wonder if I deserve the results I got for being a shy introvert—and being into a an MD state. Hello! 

I can only guess my sister doesn't share the same problems. She has no trouble seeing boys and girls, and going on dates. She thinks I'm a total wimp, and she's younger than me. I'm actually jealous of her, because she's the person I'll never be. I often wish we could trade places for one day—like in a family channel movie.