Do your daydreams take on a life of their own?

[Amanda]

I have only recently discovered that other people daydream as profoundly and expansively as I do. But I haven't seen anyone talk about their daydreams taking on a life of their own and I'm curious if any of you have that experience. What I mean is that sometimes I'm daydreaming, and I mean, at this point in my life, I daydream with complete and joyful abandon. I talk, I laugh, I move around, I walk, I dance, I completely lose myself in the world and sometimes my daydreams become largely independent of me. Like I've entered a night dream but without falling asleep. So that, while I have agency, it's more like I'm reacting to a world rather than creating it. My daydreams surprise and shock me sometimes. It's like an adventure I never know where it will lead. Sometimes it's so painful because people I love in that world die and I weep so powerfully. I feel afraid sometimes where I have to dig deep to find my courage. But it's like at a certain point the dream is creating itself and I'm along for the ride. Do you know what I mean? 

[Ariane]

I do have a similar thing happen to me, although not to the same intensity as you are describing. I've never had "anyone" I loved in my daydreams die, although sad things can happen to them. It does help that my daydreaming world includes multiple timlines, so nobody ever dies for good, lol. But I have caught myself acting out the emotions I felt in my daydream, and actually getting myself genuinely upset over a scenario I, at least partially, consciously created, and thought to myself: "oh, why would I even do that?". But I do feel like my daydreams are always somewhat predictable, even though they can surprise me!

[Amanda]

Interesting. Thank you for sharing! The same is true for me actually - people can always come back around for another iteration. Like for a while I had this daydream where my husband kept dying, and leaving me a widow with a small child, and each time it felt excruciating. Anyway, eventually, that daydream evolved into what it needed to evolve into and I actually discovered some deep and beautiful things about myself and it brought a lot of healing. I find most of my daydreams eventually do. I've been reading a lot of threads in this forum, and I'm wondering if I've been over here just daydreaming harder than anyone in the world LOL. Because years ago I stopped trying to stop and actually just was like, you know what, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna freaking DO IT. Like let's go bodyspirit where do you want to take me? No holds barred, let's see how deep I can lose myself. And I've been going like that for . . . I don't know like almost a decade? I definitely lost two jobs, but honestly it was worth it. I can say that because I currently have a job that's pretty flexible so I can maintain financial independence and still daydream like freaking professional. 

Ariane said:

I do have a similar thing happen to me, although not to the same intensity as you are describing. I've never had "anyone" I loved in my daydreams die, although sad things can happen to them. It does help that my daydreaming world includes multiple timlines, so nobody ever dies for good, lol. But I have caught myself acting out the emotions I felt in my daydream, and actually getting myself genuinely upset over a scenario I, at least partially, consciously created, and thought to myself: "oh, why would I even do that?". But I do feel like my daydreams are always somewhat predictable, even though they can surprise me!

[Ariane]

Oh wow, that's really interesting! If you don't mind me asking, can I ask what about your daydreaming led to the loss of those jobs? I daydream a lot too, and trying to fight it definitely doesn't work for me. Also, not that you have let go of trying to stop daydreaming, what has changed? What is your opinion on it? I'm asking because a lot of individuals on this forum are trying super hard to quit, so it's interesting to see someone with the opposit mindset! I hope you don't mind all of my questions hahaha

Amanda said:

Interesting. Thank you for sharing! The same is true for me actually - people can always come back around for another iteration. Like for a while I had this daydream where my husband kept dying, and leaving me a widow with a small child, and each time it felt excruciating. Anyway, eventually, that daydream evolved into what it needed to evolve into and I actually discovered some deep and beautiful things about myself and it brought a lot of healing. I find most of my daydreams eventually do. I've been reading a lot of threads in this forum, and I'm wondering if I've been over here just daydreaming harder than anyone in the world LOL. Because years ago I stopped trying to stop and actually just was like, you know what, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna freaking DO IT. Like let's go bodyspirit where do you want to take me? No holds barred, let's see how deep I can lose myself. And I've been going like that for . . . I don't know like almost a decade? I definitely lost two jobs, but honestly it was worth it. I can say that because I currently have a job that's pretty flexible so I can maintain financial independence and still daydream like freaking professional.

[Amanda]

No I don't mind at all! Well, it wasn't JUST the daydreaming. I'm also ADHD and autistic so it was a combination of things - the job I lost I think mainly it was my struggle to keep a consistent schedule. That's partly due to daydreaming because sometimes I'm awake all night daydreaming and then I oversleep and miss the train, but it's also because I struggled with public transportation. I have a really hard time with rush hour - I can't get on a train when it's packed with people without significant distress. And they were very rigid about being on time at a specific time. Actually, I misspoke! I only actually lost one job. The one before that I left of my own accord, but my co-worker told me they were looking for a way to fire me. I think daydreaming was a part of it mainly because it can make it hard to keep a consistent schedule - especially at that time. Also, people think I'm weird because I like to sit in the dark and because sometimes they walk in on my making facial expressions to "no one" or laughing at "nothing." Like when I got fired, they just told me it "wasn't a good fit." Didn't give a reason, but I only ever got good feedback on my work, so it wasn't that . . . Oh, that's right - the MAIN daydreaming piece in both situations was that I called in "sick" a lot so I could stay home and finish like a days long daydreams. So there was that and that was a big reason I think I lost the one and almost lost the other. Then I was unemployed for a year (but for some temp jobs), and now I've had an awesome job for the last five years where they are very understanding and flexible. And for the last year, I've worked remotely full time so it's REALLY great. I stopped trying to stop daydreaming about 10 years ago, and the biggest change was the releasing of shame. That has increased over time as I find deeper and deeper pockets of shame that need to be healed and released. Also, I find the increasingly over time, I feel like my daydreams are less "compulsive" and I can be a lot more intentional about them. I don't know if you are familiar with eating disorders or disordered eating, but the only way to really heal the binge and purge/restrict cycle is to practice intuitive eating where you focus on releasing shame and practicing radical acceptance so you eat as much as you want of whatever you want and you don't moralize about it or swing into restrictive behavior after bingeing. Over time, the compulsion to binge subsides and things even out. I don't have an eating disorder myself, but certainly have had disordered eating and I found that wisdom to hold true. My motto is "support the resistance." If I try to do something and I find that I "can't", then instead of forcing myself, I'm like okay let's do the opposite then. Like find where the energy is flowing in my bodyspirit and just get on board and learn to channel it instead always trying to force myself to conform to certain expectations. When we focus on restricting behavior, we usually make the problem worse because it's typically built on a foundation of shame "I shouldn't be doing this. What's wrong with me?" The answer is: nothing! Nothing is wrong with you and there is no should or shouldn't and when I let go of that ALL paths start to open up to me. And then you can make more empowered choices. It's like the more we force ourselves and restrict ourselves it ironically builds this pressure valve because you never allow yourself to actually, fully, scratch that itch! That itch needs to be scratched. And it needs to be scratched so hard sometimes. So of course it will keep itching like crazy if you refuse to fully scratch it. And ALSO, for me at least, I was able to find the healing that my daydreams were trying so hard to bring me. I typically start from the perspective that if my bodyspirit is coming back to something over and over, it's because it needs to! So why would I keep punishing myself for that? Instead, I ask - okay, what is it that I need? What is my bodyspirit looking for? And now my daydreams are so expansive and immersive that I have been able to heal profoundly because of it. And I bring that healing into this world and I share it with other people. I can't relate to everyone saying that daydreams aren't real. I can in the sense that I used to feel like I was "wasting my life away." So it's not that I NEVER felt that way. It's just that was a long time ago, and now I know that I'm not wasting anything and I never was! I just needed to learn how to wield that power. I'm a witch and in ritual we often say we are "in a time that is no time, a place that is no place, we are between the worlds." That is the truest description of my life. And that is where transformation happens. I live in a time that is no time, in a place that is no place. I move between worlds. I live amongst worlds. How extraordinary? To me it is a profound and mysterious and beautiful magic that allows me to be expansively creative and empathetic. And it brings me a lot of healing and growth. 

Ariane said:

Oh wow, that's really interesting! If you don't mind me asking, can I ask what about your daydreaming led to the loss of those jobs? I daydream a lot too, and trying to fight it definitely doesn't work for me. Also, not that you have let go of trying to stop daydreaming, what has changed? What is your opinion on it? I'm asking because a lot of individuals on this forum are trying super hard to quit, so it's interesting to see someone with the opposit mindset! I hope you don't mind all of my questions hahaha

Amanda said:

Interesting. Thank you for sharing! The same is true for me actually - people can always come back around for another iteration. Like for a while I had this daydream where my husband kept dying, and leaving me a widow with a small child, and each time it felt excruciating. Anyway, eventually, that daydream evolved into what it needed to evolve into and I actually discovered some deep and beautiful things about myself and it brought a lot of healing. I find most of my daydreams eventually do. I've been reading a lot of threads in this forum, and I'm wondering if I've been over here just daydreaming harder than anyone in the world LOL. Because years ago I stopped trying to stop and actually just was like, you know what, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna freaking DO IT. Like let's go bodyspirit where do you want to take me? No holds barred, let's see how deep I can lose myself. And I've been going like that for . . . I don't know like almost a decade? I definitely lost two jobs, but honestly it was worth it. I can say that because I currently have a job that's pretty flexible so I can maintain financial independence and still daydream like freaking professional.

[Blanca Margatroid]

I also had cried when a character of my daydream dies! I can definitely get some of the things you're saying. Sometimes the story of my daydreams evolves when I suddenly have an idea I haven't thought of before, and it's kinda amazing.

I read your whole story, and I'm glad that you found a job you like and are happy with your life!

[Amanda]

Thank you. <3 

Blanca Margatroid said:

I also had cried when a character of my daydream dies! I can definitely get some of the things you're saying. Sometimes the story of my daydreams evolves when I suddenly have an idea I haven't thought of before, and it's kinda amazing.

I read your whole story, and I'm glad that you found a job you like and are happy with your life!

[Theaxe]

Absolutely! My serious daydreaming is almost always done in the bedroom behind a closed door, when I'm alone of course. During this time I will lie in bed and begin daydreaming about my usual scenario, but then one of my main characters will say something and crack me up laughing, or he'll say something tender and it will make me cry. I'll jump from the bed, and pace a bit, moving my arms very much like I might if he were standing in front of me.

But the point is I feel real feelings. I'll cry real tears, or get angry or feel amusement all from the people I made up. I even do the same for myself, if my own character (me) says something that affects me just so.

I have learned to curb all of these reactions whenever I do "light daydreaming" when I'm in the presence of others or if I'm out in the world (driving, shopping, etc.). I can keep my emotions under control fairly well. It's something learned over time. But alone, when I know I can let loose? I'll let it all out then.

[Amanda]

<3

Theaxe said:

Absolutely! My serious daydreaming is almost always done in the bedroom behind a closed door, when I'm alone of course. During this time I will lie in bed and begin daydreaming about my usual scenario, but then one of my main characters will say something and crack me up laughing, or he'll say something tender and it will make me cry. I'll jump from the bed, and pace a bit, moving my arms very much like I might if he were standing in front of me.

But the point is I feel real feelings. I'll cry real tears, or get angry or feel amusement all from the people I made up. I even do the same for myself, if my own character (me) says something that affects me just so.

I have learned to curb all of these reactions whenever I do "light daydreaming" when I'm in the presence of others or if I'm out in the world (driving, shopping, etc.). I can keep my emotions under control fairly well. It's something learned over time. But alone, when I know I can let loose? I'll let it all out then.

[Ariane]

Ok but sorry I need to quote this like:

"I'm a witch and in ritual we often say we are "in a time that is no time, a place that is no place, we are between the worlds." That is the truest description of my life. And that is where transformation happens. I live in a time that is no time, in a place that is no place. I move between worlds. I live amongst worlds. How extraordinary? To me it is a profound and mysterious and beautiful magic that allows me to be expansively creative and empathetic. And it brings me a lot of healing and growth."

 What a nice way to put it. I think letting go of resistance is a wonderful thing. Truly eye opening! My psychologist also thought the same thing, that being resistant toward my daydreaming was having the opposite effect of what I was aiming for, and that if I was daydreaming like that, it was because it served a purpose, and it would lessen in intensity when I didn't need it.

[Valeria Franco]

I have always been quite in control of my md.

But there are two things in which I'm not so in control.

One is music. I'm one of the few who at a certain point preferred not to use music because it was such a strong trigger that it drove my dreams too much by themself. It influenced them, setting the mood. When I was young I used to dream almost always with music.

The second thing is space. I find it hard to set the visual spaces differently than they create themselves. Rooms, houses, streets.

[Amanda]

Oh that's really interesting. Thank you for sharing. 

Valeria Franco said:

I have always been quite in control of my md.

But there are two things in wich I'm not so in control.

One is music. I'm one of the few who at a certain point preferred not to use music because it was such a strong trigger that it drove my dreams too much by themself. It influenced them, setting the mood. When I was young I used to dream almost always with music.

The second thing is space. I find it hard to set the visual spaces differently than they create themselves. Rooms, houses, streets.

[Lisa Tomlin]

Yes, I have done this.  I have created  characters in my daydreams that I miss.  I catch myself laughing or feeling that emotion  from the daydream. I know full well its all made up and not  real.