Relationships and MD how do you cope?

[SJ]

Hi
I've been single for about 5 years I've dated on and off in that time but nothing serious. I found at the beginning of relationships that I stopped daydreaming. I had a distraction and the nervousness of wanting to impress this new person took over.
But as time goes on I begin to slip back into my daydreaming habits especially if I have been unhappy and started daydreaming about leaving my partner for my daydream guy. I find I have done this in the past instead of trying to fix the problems in my real life relationship.
I find my daydreaming can just suddenly be sparked by something random like watching a film or tv. So I can be sat with a partner while my brain is suddenly daydreaming about a character or actor.

How do you deal with your MD when in relationships? Does it hold you back? Sometimes I feel scared of losing my daydream relationship does anyone else have this?
For those with partners have you told them about your MD?

[BlackUnicorn]

I experienced the same things during the last years. I was single for 5 years after I ended a 6-year relationship for a guy I daydreamed about. With all the same on and off and choosing my daydream chars over my real relationships... I came to the very frustrating point that I never will be able to engage in a long lasting relationship anymore except my mate is a MDer too, because only MDers can understand this and only MDers won't get jealous if you have "this other life".

I was lucky and found a wonderful guy a half a year ago (as always... they appear when you give up on searching them ;) )

But during the week when I'm not with him I spend a lot time with my other love(s) in my head.

In my case, I think I have to life with that ambivalent situation... It's possible to love more than one person at a time. I tell myself all the time, as long as I don't feel like running from my real partner to go to the imaginary one it's fine. Which is sometimes confusing because they have a lot in common.

And no I don't tell my bf. I'd love to but a non-MDer will never understand this, they just can accept it and I know my bf would be very worried about me. So I better let it be and live with that bitter taste of hiding something from him that is very important to me.

In the end we have to be realistic I think. We don't want to live alone, that's why we created our friends and lovers. But they're too perfect to be real. So it's already a jackpot if you find someone who reminds you of what's going on inside your mind. And I in my case will always feel a bit wrong, cause others won't understand my adventures and so will feel like hiding and maybe I will always try to reach that perfection from inside my head. But what the hell those imaginary things are too gread to give up :)

So my only advice, try to seperate it. It's okay to live more than one life, having more than one lover. After accepting this it was a loot easier for me to give each of them (the real one, the imaginary one, the real-life-inspired-imaginary one) a place inside my heart, my head and in my everyday life.

[SJ]

Thank you for the reply. Your experience sounds very much like my own.
I'm glad that you have met someone. It's funny how you mention they are similar to your daydream partner as I have found I seek out similarities myself when looking for a partner. My current daydream love plays sports and I find myself drawn to guys who look similar and have similar interests to him.
I'm glad I am not the only person who has dealt with this. It is like a strange secret to keep from someone but it's scary that they may not understand or will worry.

[BlackUnicorn]

I think many many who daydream about relationships and stuff struggle with this... So you're definitely not alone :)

Ooh yees it is really scary. I think I will always find this a bit scary... you don't want to hide such important things from your loved ones. But I think as long as we are sure we really love the real person and not just the imaginary one it's okay. And probably if we are in a very trustful, long relationship we will trust the other one enough to tell, but in my case... maybe in a few years xD

I experienced when I had not enough feelings for a real guy, I started to avoid him for daydreaming or was too lazy to meet/call him... I take that as a hint if I'm fine with a relationship or not.

And the similarities are veeery confusing :) I have doubts sometimes that I "use" real guys because my DD-guy isn't accessible. But in my case, I didn't know how similar my bf and my imagination are when I met him so I almost freaked out when I realized my bf was doing and saying the same things as the other one in my mind xD

It's what we do, dreaming about "Mister perfect" and obviously looking for him or who ever is as close as possible. So even we are picky people, at least we know what we are looking for and what we really want ;)

I'm sure someone nice will appear for you as well but usually when you don't expect it ;)