Daydreaming took over my life?

[Nina]

Hey! I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Daydreaming has completely taken over my life. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for about 5 years. I'm clinical depressed and I've been daydreaming for maybe 3 years? I don't know. Maybe longer. It started off so easy and now it's a complete obsession. I get up at 8 in the morning, I go downstairs, take my vitamins, go back to my room, sit in front of my laptop and start daydreaming. I have like 3 'main dreams' and one of them is pretty much my dream life. Well, it's still me, but a perfect version of myself. A few years in the future, with a perfect life and the perfect people surrounding me. I've been having this dream for over 2 years and the dream version of myself grew older in this two years, moved places, had success in her career etc. It's like a paralell life. It's so realistic and detailed it's incredible. I daydream for a few hours, go downstairs and have breakfast at like 11, go back to my room and daydream again until about 6pm. I just sit there, scroll mindlessly through facebook and tumblr, listen to music and daydream. I sometimes rock back and forth, make gestures with my arms and make faces and move my mouth like I'm talking, but I'm completely quiet. I can only daydream when I'm sitting in a certain position, otherwise it won't work. I have dinner with my parents, go back upstairs and continue my daydreaming until about 2 at night. The same thing every day for many months now. 

I feel good while I'm daydreaming, it's like a drug fix. The problem is I completely detached myself from reality. I don't leave the house, like, never. Maybe once a month. Sometimes not even that. And only when I have a doctor's appointment from time to time or maybe go grocery shopping with my mom from time to time. So I'm never gone for longer than 2 hours maybe. When I stop daydreaming and go to the bathroom or go downstairs to eat something I feel like I'm in a complete zombie state. When I stop daydreaming, look around and start to realise that my dreams aren't real, that this is my real life, me sitting in my bed I start to panic. The second I realise what my real life is I'm simply panicking. So I go back to daydreaming. Because there is no panic in my dreams. I sometimes forget my dreams aren't real, or the persons in it. It just feels so real. When I'm outside, at a shop or god knows where, I always ask myself what my dream version would do, how she would act, or I see stuff and just think oh hey I know someone who would like that. And with someone I mean a made up person in my head. 

I have really bad memory issues. I can't even remember yesterday, let alone the last couple months. They're just gone. I remember major events, like my birthday or dying my hair a different color, but that's all. Even this morning is already blurry. I feel really strange all the time. Like I'm drunk, but without the fun. I feel dizzy a lot and feel like I'm seeing the whole world through a haze. My head feels foggy. I often have this second of realisation where I'm looking down at my hands or around me and just wonder is this happening? Because I'm not sure. I don't want to leave the house because everything feels strange and wrong and it scares me. Talking to my parents, who are the only people I'm seeing all day, feels strange as well. I try not to look at them with furrowed brows all the time because my brain just always goes 'oh hey look they're real'. 

I don't know what to do anymore? I tried to stop daydraming. But I can't. Reality makes me panic, and I feel like a drug addict when I stop with this unbearable urge to get my fix. I tried therapists for my depression and anxiety. But I always stop seeing them after the 3rd or 4th time because I never like them. I'm afraid to tell anyone about this because I feel like I sound crazy. I really feel like I'm going crazy right now. Maybe I'm just finally losing it. 

[Alvi]

"I have really bad memory issues. I can't even remember yesterday, let alone the last couple months. They're just gone. I remember major events, like my birthday or dying my hair a different color, but that's all. Even this morning is already blurry. I feel really strange all the time. Like I'm drunk, but without the fun. I feel dizzy a lot and feel like I'm seeing the whole world through a haze. My head feels foggy. I often have this second of realisation where I'm looking down at my hands or around me and just wonder is this happening? Because I'm not sure. I don't want to leave the house because everything feels strange and wrong and it scares me. Talking to my parents, who are the only people I'm seeing all day, feels strange as well. I try not to look at them with furrowed brows all the time because my brain just always goes 'oh hey look they're real'. "

I wish I had some advice on how you can stop but I haven't really got any.  I have the same problem with my memory to the point it scares me so I can really relate to what you've said and assure you that you're not alone, I hope that offers you some comfort. I often lose hours of time and because I rarely go out I'm never that sure of the day of the week. Being in the real world feels like more of a dream than my daydreams as I'm so anxious, depressed and confused when I'm not dreaming. 

It can take a while to find a therapist you click with. I've been in therapy on and off for many years and I have only recently found one that I like so don't give up on that option. Keep searching and hopefully you will find a therapist that can help you. Maybe there is a therapy group or something similar that you could attend? 

Its definitely a catch 22 situation so you may have to go through a period of intense anxiety and emotional discomfort without retreating into the safety of your daydreams before you can stop them for good. Hope things start improving for you soon.

[Nina]

Alvi said:

"I have really bad memory issues. I can't even remember yesterday, let alone the last couple months. They're just gone. I remember major events, like my birthday or dying my hair a different color, but that's all. Even this morning is already blurry. I feel really strange all the time. Like I'm drunk, but without the fun. I feel dizzy a lot and feel like I'm seeing the whole world through a haze. My head feels foggy. I often have this second of realisation where I'm looking down at my hands or around me and just wonder is this happening? Because I'm not sure. I don't want to leave the house because everything feels strange and wrong and it scares me. Talking to my parents, who are the only people I'm seeing all day, feels strange as well. I try not to look at them with furrowed brows all the time because my brain just always goes 'oh hey look they're real'. "

I wish I had some advice on how you can stop but I haven't really got any.  I have the same problem with my memory to the point it scares me so I can really relate to what you've said and assure you that you're not alone, I hope that offers you some comfort. I often lose hours of time and because I rarely go out I'm never that sure of the day of the week. Being in the real world feels like more of a dream than my daydreams as I'm so anxious, depressed and confused when I'm not dreaming. 

It can take a while to find a therapist you click with. I've been in therapy on and off for many years and I have only recently found one that I like so don't give up on that option. Keep searching and hopefully you will find a therapist that can help you. Maybe there is a therapy group or something similar that you could attend? 

Its definitely a catch 22 situation so you may have to go through a period of intense anxiety and emotional discomfort without retreating into the safety of your daydreams before you can stop them for good. Hope things start improving for you soon.

Thank you so much! It definetly is a comfort to see that other people have similiar struggles. I never really know what day of the week it is without looking it up. I often get up in the morning and don't remember going to bed, that really is scary. 

One of the main problems is that I'm living in the countryside and there aren't really any therapists close. About half an hour from here is a day clinic (I'm not sure if that's what you call it in english) where you go for 8 hours a day with group therapy and stuff. I thought about that, just so that I'm finally having some contact to people again and finally get the help I seriously need, but I don't think I can handle that. The fact that I'm there for 8 hours makes me feel trapped and I think I'm just gonna panic. I just really feel like I can't handle that, especially because I'm on my own there. I've had a lot of days in the last months where I really wanted to call an ambulance and have them admit me to a mental hospital because I was so desperate. 

That's one of the things I'm afraid of. I'm not happy with my current situation, it's far from that, but I'm also terrified to get confronted with reality. 

I'm wishing you all the best! 

[Roel]

Hey Nina,

Though I still go out my house to go to college, I go through a simular situation whenever I'm at home. I do nothing. I only dream. However I've been 'fighting' this disorder for quite some time now and I have my moments now or than whene I manage to be productive. Which is good, but not good enough haha. I've made a little progress, but not much.

Funny thing actually, -I relate to the bad memory part. people irl even notice how bad my memory is.- I haven't seen a lot of people talk about this yet on the site. While it actually seems to be a very common characteristic/problem. Also I've made myself so alien to the world by detaching from reality, that I don't know anything about the outside world and I'm always like a stranger to everyone.

Yeah it's a dificult. It's a bad and painful situation, but in order to beat it you need to cross a border that is even more painful. I can't realy help you. i can only say I feel for you and I believe you can be brave enough to get done whatever it is you need to get better :/

Strength and love,

Roel

[Valeria Franco]

Hello everyone, I'm a new member here and, of course, I'm a maladaptive daydreamer too.

It doesn't take me all the time though, as it seems it's happening to you, if only because... I've got stuff to do, I have to get out. So I was wondering... why do you never leave the house?  I guess you're quite young, do you study, go to school or something?

Anyway, I think that just going out more could be really heplful for anyone of us. Even if you get whatever job the situation could improve, just because someone is waiting for you at a certain time. Maybe we can't tell people the truth about MMD, but  we can accept to be controlled a little by them.

[komal]

I totally understand it when you've been day dreaming so much that when you look at the real world, it's just weird and it's like the world startles you. I'm trying to quit cold turkey. At the beginning I had to almost adapt myself to the real world so it would appear less strange. It's not easy, no, quitting MD is a bit of a nightmare. It's difficult and I'm having withdrawal symptoms but the key is to never give up. Try adapting to the real world. Because the world can be a beautiful place. Try going outside at sunset or sunrise and just stare at the scenery. Analyse it almost, do this often enough so you get use to it. Get use to the trees, the sun the clouds, the night sky. Close your eyes when your outside and breathe slowly. And always, always have confidence that your MD will abolish.Another thing to do is to surround yourself with interesting people, actively search for them and pay great attention to them whenever they talk...and If you ever want to talk then just message me :) We're all in this boat together :)