I'm new to this

[Natalie Guest]

I have been daydreaming for as long as I can remember. I've known for a long time that my daydreaming was getting out of control. I just thought maybe it would stop but, it hasn't. I just recently fount out about Maladaptive Daydreaming. I read about it and read about all the symptoms and everything. I have all of them. I really enjoy watching Youtube. I'm subscribe to a lot of people. I usually just watch this one group of gaming people all the time. They are in my daydreams a lot. It's like I want to be apart of their life and be friends with them because I think they are so cool. In my daydreams I am friends with them. I even sometimes daydream about being in a relationship with one them. And I did get really upset when I fount out that one had a girlfriend. That sounds absolutely crazy. I just hate that i do that. I love watching them, why can't i just enjoy them without doing all of this? My best friend watches them as well and she doesnt daydream like this. She just enjoys their videos like a normal person. I've tried talking to her about it, shes supportive but doesnt really understand because she doesnt know how it feels. I dont just daydream about them I daydream about everything. A happy life. Im going to college in a month. I thought that leaving for college would help but now i dont know if it will. It is like I see how happy the people I watch on youtube are and I feel like the only why I'll be happy like them is if I do what they are doing. I have had the mindset that if I do what they are doing I could become friends with them and be happy. This daydreaming is making me confused of what I want to do for my future. I've also done this with some celebrities too in the past.  I feel like not matter what my real life sucks compared to daydreaming life. I hate that im like this. Because when Im with my friends or family I dont even feel like Im really there (if that makes sense). I'm really new to learning about all of this so I dont really know what to do. I just want to enjoy things in life without feeling like this. I dont know if I should get help or what to do. Im really lost right now.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

All of what you're describing sounds typical of someone with MD.  First, take a breath, and try to relax.  This is all normal.  Lots of people are going through what you are.  MD may make some things more difficult, but what is life without challenges?  You can still get your degree if you want to.  It took me two tries, but I finally graduated.  It just meant that everything took me a lot longer than it would take someone else.  The first thing you have to do is to stop judging yourself and feeling guilty.  That will never help; it will only make it worse.  Accept that you may have a hard time being present.  Accept that it will probably take you longer to study and get things done.  If you stop judging yourself and keep trying, you can get through it.  I studied English and had a lot of papers to write, which was really hard because it was so hard to focus.  I got through it.  I would sit down, write, try to focus, want to daydream, get up, walk around, daydream, come back, and so on until I got it done.  I explained my problems honestly to my professors and asked them for help, and it was fine.  I graduated in 2012.  I know it will be hard, but you can do it.  We're here to support you.  

[Natalie Guest]

I really appreciate all this support. I know this is going to be a processes. It just feels really good to talk to people that know what I am going through. Thank you so much! 

[Amanda Lewone]

Hi. I can relate. I have periods of YouTube obsessions, then I act out potential videos I want to make but never do. Cordellia's advice is really great! I can't offer more than that, but I did want to ask if you've tried starting a youtube channel ?