Healing for Damaged Emotions

[Leda]

Hi Everyone

I am a member since January this year when I found out what I have has a name and I am not alone in it. I am so greatful for this website and for all the information I found online about MDD! Every single post and discussion here are helping me figure out how to solve this issue and to get hope that one day I can avoid it to keep damaging my life or even stopping daydreaming at all. Since then I started to look for help outside myself rather than making the endless and useless attempts to stop it on my own. 

The first big discovery I made is most MDDreamers suffered any kind of abuse or trauma so that make me figure out the source of my problem. A leader in my church suggested me a book called Healing for Damaged Emotions from David Seamands, this book is a mix of psychology and religion but even if you are not believers I would strongly recommend it.

The author points out as a major damaged emotion a continuous feeling of anxiety, inadequacy, inferiority

and a deep sense of unworthiness. and his advice do heal those damaged emotions are: accept the responsibility in the problem, think if we really want to be healed, forgive everyone who hurt us and finally forgive ourselves.

Some people when  faced with problems turn to substance abuse, others will tend to abuse others and others will tend to escape to reality which is the case of most daydreamers.

I read this book in the train and I was in tears because reading it made me think about all the hurts from the the past and understand that it is so justifiable that I preferred to daydream rather than face the violence and bully at school, being called monkey as I was the only black girl in my class for so many years. From reading this book I stopped being so hard on myself for daydreaming. I admitted the way I was (not) facing the problem was wrong and I forgive myself for doing it as at the end of the day I was only a child putting up with more than I could. I don't need to forgive others as its like I did not develop an ability to hate and I definitely want to be healed.

The book also mentions the damage done by the lack of the basic needs to human development such as feelings of security, acceptance, belonging and value. And we try to climb the tortuous trail of trying to become someone else, in my case dreaming of being someone else and somewhere else. It also tackles how low self-esteem is developed by "reflecting ourselves in the wrong mirror" that in some cases are the parents or a society values and how it can freeze one's potential and stop from reach the full potential! 

I have done 2 CBT sessions and I found out so many things about myself and the dynamics of me falling into daydreaming that I am starting to learn how to control it. Although the terapist have never heard of MDD she is working with me in the anxieties and low self-esteem and how it how it reflects in the daydreams,

I would really advice everyone to give it a go! I am doing in a christian charity that works on donations and everyone can give according to the possibilities. 

Thank you for reading! 

[Amanda Lewone]

This is great. I mean trying to solve or understand the underlying problems. I can definitely relate to the self-esteem and anxiety issues. I was trying to understand why I suffer from these inferiority issues and I just don't understand it. It seems to come from inside. I mean external validation does not seem to fix it. I know people that are worse off then me (say in terms of achievements) but they have LOADS of confidence. I really don't get it. 

I know that it isn't the same for everyone. There are people that do it purely out of imagination (creating different characters and plots and so on) but then there are those that are seeking validation/love/esteem etc. I know I am one of those. I have never been comfortable with who I am. I really don't know why. 

That book seems to cover a lot of important topics. You said that the book "mentions the damage done by the lack of the basic needs to human development such as feelings of security, acceptance, belonging and value." Does it mention a way to overcome this?

Thanks for the post! this is definitely the route I want to go. I actually can control the daydreaming if I avoid triggers. I just want to solve the real problem now. 

[Leda]

Hi Amanda

thank you for the comment. 

the way to overcoming it is by accepting God's love through the holy spirit. Accept that we are loved and worthwhile because we are made at God's image! that Jesus suffered before being crucified and he knows each of our hurt and pain and we can put our trust in Him. 

Even if you're not christian its important to know that we are in this world with t a purpose. There is a superior being in charge and a plan for us and we will never reach our potential if we belittle ourselves. It says that the healing is not an instant one but a process.

There is a workbook with some activities to go over but I didn't buy it but I read in the reviews that it helped a lot of people out of depression! 

I am a bit like you, with lots of achievements but I still can't "wear" the great person I am (despite of my daydreaming issues).

The feeling of inadequacy follows me everywhere and it is reflected my relationship with others that my therapist describes as I lay down and people step over me and the vicious cycle goes  on and on. The way to break it is me changing the way I speak to myself. 

I also know that in my daydreams I am seeking validation love and esteem so what I am doing now is to try to reflect in a objective way in the content of daydreams to understand what I am really lacking and try to bring it to my real life.

I am now working in assertiveness to address the anxiety as my therapist said that the daydreams might be due to me keeping my feelings and opinions repressed as I described myself as someone calm and easygoing but she quickly perceived that there are lots of things that upset me and I am unable to let it all out. maybe if I am able to sort my real life problems...

I'm sure there are other issues but at least if I can tackle them one by one. 

I wish I could control my daydreaming if I can control the triggers!