Relationships in Daydreams

[OhMyMagenta]

I was thinking about the men I've been involved with in my daydreams versus the men I've dated in real life. Like some others on this forum, I've felt just as much love/passion for my characters as I've felt for my real life boyfriends, sometimes more. I was going over some of the characters I've been strongly attached to and noticed a common thread among them: nearly all were stereotypical bad boys. These are men that I'd most likely steer clear of if I ever met them in real life, as I know they'd be bad for me emotionally. I just find it odd that I can literally find myself in love with these characters, even though they would not be a good idea in real life. Many of the men I dream of are powerful, dominant in personality, protective, and strong. A real guys guy. The men I date in real life are typically low-key, sweet, gentle, and...well...safe. So what do you all think? Healthy way for me to explore my desire for the bad boy type or is there something more to it?

[Sky with Diamonds]

i often daydream about things i know are wrong for me. most of my characters are types of people i dont associate with. other times theyre different versions of people i actually know. Maybe youre desiring something you wish you could experience. but thats just a random guess. hell, at least youve dated people, a lot of mdders havent had romatnic relationships. lucky! :) 

[Wish Upon A Wish]

Maybe it's a way of experiencing something without the risk that comes with doing it in real life?

[Pascale]

Some people are choosing their partnaire with a mentale issue that complete their. I did, and I to put it short, when I began to work with my issues I jeopardised the relation because he did not want to whork with his problems. Im divorce now. Be happy you have a better strategy. 

I have a lot of negativ DD but asking myself why I shoold make myself a victime I realise I am not a victime in my DD, I am something beetween a survivor and a hero.

So analysing your DD is asking for what those bad boys give you that you need? Are you the good helper they need or do they make you feel stronger because you have to stand so much. Answering this questions may help you but my best advice is do what I say not what I did: keep choosing real life nice guy.

[taffle]

I also DD about bad boys too. I used to DD about nice guys until reality kicked in. Many so-called "nice guys" in real life aren't exactly "nice" even though their appearances can be deceiving. Some can be passive aggressive, arrogant, backstabbing, etc. I've met some "nice guys" who turn out to be real jerks; the ones who are pre-med, studious, have bright futures ahead of them - their personalities can be horrible.

On the other hand, I see some "bad boys" who turn out not to be really that "bad". They dress funky and look aggressive but once you get to know them, they're not exactly that "bad".

Now I try not to categorize guys according to nice or bad. I think it is healthy for you to explore your desire for different types of guys, not just the nice-looking ones.

[ashlee]

All my main characters are bad. they smoke, they drink, they do drugs, they dont care much for school, bitch out people. they usually hang out all together, but if they're hanging out with other people they're usually the same but older. I hate the kids like that at my school. The only difference between them and the kids from my school, is i love my characters personalities, and we have alot in common (obviously, its my daydream LOL), and theyre bad rocker kids who'd rather be makig $10 each at a gig rather than going to english class. theyre just so interesting to watch.

the kids from my school who smoke,drink,do drugs,dont care for school are swagged out kids who wear baggy skinny jeans and snap backs and say stupid thigns like "YMCMB!!!!!!" and they think theyre black but theyre the whitest white kids ever. theyre just gross. my characters just do it in such an attractive, glamourous way. the guy in their group is so dreamy, i want him, but i never will :-(

[Haleigh]

I do the same thing. My MDD boyfriend, Xavier, is a "bad boy" but he has a gentle spot for me. He protects me, but he's gentle with me.

[Aquarius]

My analysis : the bad boy in your MDDs is somehow a need for control and a need to be a saviour. These bad boys in your MDDs are eventually changed/improved/ fixed by you. You see them as misunderstood and steer them towards goodness. You seem independent in real life with no need to be protected, but still want some strong around you. And like all women you know the good and strong are a rare combo in men ( ~sigh).

Cannot really comment on the real life choices. They may not be conscious choices, just guys who you clicked with at that point in time.

[Eva Nescent]

For some that may be true, but for me that analysis isn't the case. Often times I'm just as bad as the bad boy, if not worse. I also never try to change him and often times we live as criminals together. I also sometimes have a nice guy who tries to "save me" but I push him away and make it clear that I don't want to change my ways. Every now and then I even turn a good boy, bad. 

I'm a goody-two-shoes in reality, I think for me, it's a way to experience something completely different that I won't ever be able to in real life. I don't have to worry about responsibilities or anyone else in my MDDs because usually I make myself an orphan with few friends. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. It's a way for me to feel complete freedom. 

[Tila]

It seems like you have a split in your romantic/sexual imagination. I am quite sure that these two things you desire in a guy can be integrated fully in a real man. Finding a man sexy can be a natural result of this safe, loving connection you talk about. They are not separate things! :) Asking a guy to be aggressive and forceful, telling him that it turns you on is a great way to do this.

This has been my experience with my boyfriend...

It is kind of like the girl's madonna/whore complex...:)

You also may be using your DD bad boy as a crutch that keeps your desire for sexy encounters safely walled off in your imagination. And the less you daydream about this and actually seek it out, the more these two sides can integrate.