Verbal Skills

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was a maladaptive daydreamer all my life, but it got overpowering starting at 12. I am shocked at how I didn't grow adjusted to my worldly environment and social situations. When I was floundering in other fictional worlds, I wasn't learning to excelerate my volcabulary, speech, and social interaction skills, but also my world perception, such as politics, religion, history, culture, and economics. Eventually, I grew up sounding like an idiot with no brain. Truly I'm a smart, creative, and innovative person, but nobody can tell, because all they hear is a zipper mouth. MD robbed me of being an independent adult and being accountable and liable to others, but also, it took away my ability to express myself more intellectually. Anyway, I sat at the dinner table, munching away while listening to my family's conversation and I was shocked when my younger sister was talking in such a fluent and coherent way, speaking words that I didn't even understand and SHOULD. At that moment I felt really embarrassed and worried. I remembered how much I got bullied and manipulated I was in school over my lack of verbal motor skills. "Are you stupid?" now makes sense today, but back then I didn't understand, because I was so busy living in my own mental storm of thoughts and fantasies. The criticisms built up over the years to an extent I was bored and frustrated to hear them again, but I didn't stop to see why they were reoccurring. When you live in your head, you just don't give a shit. As I got older, this began to catch on to me, as I broke apart from my peers and friends ,and worked remotely at home all the time. I realized that I missed the days of conglomerating and hanging out in crowds, sharing our thoughts and opinions on things. Being in constant seclusion while daydreaming, I notice that I forgot how to express myself loosely. Now I sit around the house and barely utter a sentence, and everybody else does all the chatting. It's as though I didn't adapt into the world correctly. I just know I'm going to meet many who are going to comment on me, and assume I'm very tired, or I'm really not a very smart person.