Why I stopped

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I used to think MD was cool. Kind of like when someone smokes. I was a young kid, and didn't know what harm MD can actually do. I did believe that MD was assuring me that life will get better and adventurous, at that. So I looked forward to experiencing an amazing life. What I didn't realize is that MD was lying to me the whole time. It didn't promise anything of the sort. It was just a sequence of entertaining stories in my head that kept me going. I have noticed while I was doing MD, that real life did not look the same way. It was very bland, gritty and serious, not as interesting. Eventually, I noticed that I kept on falling out of it, and when I had important errands, I got nervous or worried, because I knew deep down that I wasn't living in this world, I was running back to my daydreams. Although, some people did not easily notice I was doing it, other people surveyed my face and had something to say about this. Over the years, I lost control and it nearly messed with my real life. My jobs didn't last and I didn't get good marks in school. Overall, my friends and family started making remarks about how I looked and could tell I was somewhere else, not listening to them. I made actions or said things that really offended people, and I didn't know it or wake up to it, because I was living in my head. I didn't take smart steps to make sure I was happy and financially fine. I generally lulled off into complacency and didn't think I will run into cautious situations that may lead me to poverty, such as covid-19. After I learned to stop MD, I look at my life and realize I was so distracted by my fantasies, I didn't make life's big moves, such as getting a house and holding a permanent job and traveling. I realized what it means to be alive and awake in the world. I still have time and a whole future ahead of me. Still I have to make up for what I lost. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When I was under the influence of MD, it greatly effected my common sense towards life. But the point being, I was a heavy daydreamer and it really foiled with my shape of mind. I even used to think I was a very important person who everybody should like and admire. To be honest, I was entitled and full of myself. I didn't stop to realize my actions due to MD was impacting everybody around me, and they found me an complete idiot and stark raving nuts. Still, I believed that MD would guarantee a happy successful life full of love and joy. When really, it was lying to me and screwing me over. And I wasn't winning over friends and relationships. As much as maladaptive daydreaming made me so happy, if anybody real found out what on earth I was doing, they probably would've steered clear away and think I ought to seek professional help. In the end, after I quit doing MD, I felt utterly stupid and foolish to have started doing it in the first place. It's one of those decisions you make in life, when you don't know which road to take. You think it makes you feel so good, when really, it's potential is to take your future in it's hands. I didn't know that when I was 12, because I was just a kid. It was special to my in my youth, but it wasn't real, and I should've known from the start. 

[Ani De]

Thanks for that, I think it will help me on the way! :)

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I stopped for a few reasons. I was getting older, and stopped believing in my old nonsense. I was lacking independence and autonomy, and was acting like a semi-adult. I think my fantasies have effected my adaptation into this world, and my ability to live on my own. So I feared taking more risks as to suck myself into more dreams. All my friends and peers are real adults and have a life. Meanwhile, I seem to struggle and my mom thinks it's because I'm on another planet. I'm embarrassed to have this happen to me in my thirties, especially. I do have major responsibilities when it comes to money matters and sustaining a career. I have to find ways to be more independent, as my dad is retiring, and he thinks that I should've moved out years ago. It's really a matter of pressure, anxiety, concern and taking action over my life's problems. There's nothing like stress to wake you up and suppress your dream world. Plus I recently got good self-therapy that taught me that real life will never look like my fantasies. So it's no wonder I was stunned and disappointed years later. It's just a lesson you learn after doing all those years of MD. 

[Ani De]

Could u maybe write a little post about how u stopped?