Tricks : ) to help us ...

[maro]

Hello everyone <3 

I am writing to you a bit of things that help me cope to the world ...it is better you do them when you are not in a bad mood

for me it is practical stuff to cope and help myself be have  high confidence and be more adapt to the world and understand it

It worked for me...it can works for you 

It seems that most of us still have problems on social fields and making friends 

There is some points helps :

+ participating in volunteering groups and community service helps alot because it makes you happier and you give love and recieve love espicially when you are helping kids 

+never just concentrate you are too needy for love and you badly wanted people to take you as a friend ...no that would never happen that way ...you by making that give yourself an image that you are not equal to them and they are nore beautiful than you ..first you are equal so dont beg love ...just communicate without putting your needs in mind and they will be fullfilled soon by that way 

+focus on a skill you have ..magnify and develop it ..enjoy your lonely time .. It is the time that make you valuable and not void 

+again have a good visualization and image about yourself because if you feel you are bad or you are nothing and you treat yourself like that how can you imagine people will treat you well ?! 

+Daydreamers that is a trick i love so much :D we are always visualize things in our daydreams and it seems very true...Do that in real life ...i mean visualize yourself outgoing person and go and hang on with people ...imagine how go to do something really not as escapism and go and do it 

+you cant really visualize yourself as social person when everyone thinks you are not that can be great if you can easily change people mind , the easier way is you  try that with new people out of you comfort zone ...one. person believe you have good communication skills make you self confident 

+again along the way don't focus on your needs focus on help ,enjoy people or focus on targets not about yourself target like help people or do a project you want or help someone be better 

That is because as high is your dream ,it could lift you up 

The big dream create great men 

+ ok when someone say to me be positive ,i laugh and make jokes about it but if at the end of the day all the worrying wont help ...strength is needed and joy is the power to be strong ;) this life is meant to be lived to its fullest ...if you cant enjoy and imagine things going good what are you doing ?! Making yourself so realistic and see it all black and without hope ?come on that is the most suffering you cause to urself have pity on yourself and love yourself 

If people sold you ...you go buy yourself ...if people leave you dont leave yourself alone ...if people hated you dont do that to yourself ..you are your only hope ..and having everything but yourself have no meaning because you are the meaning : )

[maro]

sally welcome here :) never stop listening to music but do wisely ...the music is not the root or the cause  anyway...you said something that DD give us false feeling about ourselves so true ...you are addicted to dreams to extend you dont know who you are ... i never tried buddhism so idk but i have my different opinions we can talk about later anyway..wish you the best in your life

[Sally]

Thanks for posting this.  I understand and recognise the reasons why as a child and teenager, and early adulthood I didn't have many friends, but I've since gone through a complete transformation where I exude complete confidence and strength in my character. I often think that I am more confident than others because of the many demons that I have had to fight to get me here. However, i still find it hard to gain friendships and I must admit its a little strange and I recognise that it is very odd to not have any friends. My partner has many friends who he has made through the years, many from experiences that i was excluded from being able to have, such as going to school. Anyway, I do socialise, frequently, with his friends, however, i sometimes just look odd when i have nothing to do on a saturday night when everyone else is out with their mates, and i don't have any mates of my own. It of course runs a lot deeper than that, but thats the moments where I get a mirror image of how i must appear to others being so isolated I have a habit of cutting people out of my life completely and never messaging them or contacting them again to the point where there very insulted and give up on me as a person. I have missed out on untold opportunities because of my habitual reclusive nature. But reading your post has made me realise that i have never engaged in a relationship that has any one depend on me, such as with an old person or something. In fact, I'm very unreliable and construct myself in such a way that people don't want to depend on me, but I think that's actually within my family and to others and outsiders I am actually very solid. I am a square peg in a round hole when it comes to life, having conformed to a certain conservationism rather than flowered to a more unique person, and this causes further isolation because no matter how hard you try amongst the 'normatives' they will find you out in the end and they will be repulsed and exlude you when they do. Like I'm from a really bad neighbourhood, and yes, I'm frank about it and yes i tell people in a humoured way, but at the end of the day i'm never going to be  status quo and they feel somewhat problematised by this. I'm also paradoxically the most cultured person I know which makes me stick out like a sore thumb, and i rarely, if ever engage in mainstream stuff. So, I've kind of built a socialisation structure that is exclusionary from the outset. In a way, an independent mind is a good one and I wouldn't give it up. I also think that the reason as to why I've been able to be completely different from how I should be socialised (being from a bad area) to the person who i am is from a complete rejection from reality, and so I should be thankful for it, but like any addiction it drags me down so completely and removes any sense of control from my life.

I was reading a novel by Salaman Rushdie, called Grimmus, which I would highly recommend, and there is actually a couple of sentences from it which depicts 'our lot' with so much insightfulness and humour its really brilliant, I will find the passage one day and post it. But he speaks in the novel of possession or obsession. It is impossible to be a functioning human and not be inflicted by one or the other, and the more i thought about it the more it became true. As a maladaptive were all possessed. If i think of all the highly motivated, successful, driven people in life that i have ever met, they are all ruled by obsession, and will often refer to themselves as a 'self confessed OCD' -- basically the opposite end of the spectrum to people like us. But, we have been systematically brainwashed throughout our lives to believe that those people are 'winners' and we are 'loosers', which is not true, but its hard to undo the brainwashing, its hard to know where to start even. The whole system of language is used against us to cast us types aside. The other people who are not obsessed, with say, housework or their jobs, cars, money, culture, movies etc are posessed and this encompasses addicts and people who don't get very far in life. So thats where I am, I want to become obsessed, and sometimes i manage for a few days and then the maladaptive devours me more, because I'm an adict. And when your an addict if you abstain from your drug you just do it more and more everytime you go back to it, and it just makes your habitual problems worse.

I get distracted way too quickly. I find it hard to stick to things, I can't complete what i'm doing, I find it hard to even do tasks correctly. I am getting better, I am improving my habits, because the more knowledge I gain it will seep into change, but sometimes it just makes me beat myself up.

I think a major 'trick' for me is to not listen to the music that helps take me away, not that I need any help to be fair its a majorly obsessive habit I have. I am trying to become a buddhist, whilst meditating I had the first experience of being able to feel what its like to be in my body and have my identity for the first time the other week, having suffered this from early childhood. 

I'm sorry for rattling on so much, this is my first ever time posting and i just meant to say thank you so much for posting this, and its so relevant to where i am right now. Its literally driving me crazy with how much my life is revolving around it and i just feel that i have no means of controlling it. I'm going to take some decisive action to become a more responsible person and see if that can ease it a little. 

[maro]

Ulaan cant agree more man can go from level zero in social skills and fear to be next to crowd to a social person with time everything change with time our self image and environment

[maro]

I agree Mattew we should deal with ourselves first everything else become easy :) but We shouldnt get trapped in circle of negativity anyway so never give up that easy even small skills and small things we learn to do affect us greatly ;)

[Ulaan Gom]

Awesome post, thanks for the advice! I really agree that there are so many steps we can take to improve our real lives, and doing so will naturally make MD less appealing over the long run. 

[MatthewR]

Thank you so much for this. I get trapped in negative thinking and feeling sorry for myself, so i don't do anything. I just feel depressed and stare at the screen like nothing good will ever happen. Daydreaming is easier, because it gets me away from all the anxiety and distress. But i can't deal with daydreaming until i deal with myself first, and that's difficult. Anyway, thank you, Maro. This helps.