Staying out of Wonderland (my strange wall)

Happy new year, everyone!!! :D

Double celebration for me: one month since I escaped MD!

I am still confused sometimes: it feels like having a wall at the back of my brain, that doesn't let me think clearly. And when I say "I feel" it's not a metaphor, it feels solid and has been bugging me for years. I even wondered if it is a brain problem. But, recently, there are moments when this block is lifted and, suddenly, reality becomes interesting. My brain functions on a whole new level at these moments, and I feel free, I feel I'm my real self. It's like these crazy power-ups the hero gains at the end of the movie, for no apparent reason!

A really strange phenomenon, isn't it? Have you ever felt anything like this?

My guess is, the "wall" is anxiety-based and has roots in the subconscious. The "real self" I remember (it's been 16 years...) was diffrent from most people even before MD. I could have "locked" it for this reason, burried it under the daydream. What a treasure to recover, really! I've always thought DD was my treasure, but I keep finding valuable things that were hidden beneath it. Let's hope I'll be able to unroot the "wall" permanently. Following my dreams, but not running away from reality anymore, is what seems to make all the diffrence in the world.

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Comment by Amoka on December 31, 2012 at 7:38pm

Happy new year to you to :D

I feel like this all the time as well! I used to just think my brain was 'foggy' from daydreaming so much but even when I haven't daydreamed for a while I still feel cut off and quite slow witted. I'm trying to stop daydreaming as well, so its good to know that I can get rid of this wall :)

Comment by Gina Black on December 31, 2012 at 9:48am

Laine--thanks! I hope you're doing great too! :D :D :D

LeAnn-Actually, yes. The first time was when I got a boyfriend, which made me feel reality is worthy of my attention. But this wasn't a real escape, because it was based on someone other than me, so it collapsed when we broke up. The second time it was because my real life had gotten so bad, that I had to wake up from my DD. I had gotten several shocks (after breaking up, my mother got cancer, so I had to go back to my hometown and leave my beloved appartment and job, also economical crisis left us tons of debts. Also realized some next-door relatives have serious psychological problems but we cannot lock them in an asylum, and feel so guilty for my sister living all these years without my protection. I'm so afraid of what may have happened all the time I've been living in my bubble, as I have no ways to know. Also got 1-2 shocks in my friendships, which was the definition of perfection for me up to get the picture, I just had to do something, anything) The whole thing made me...angry! So I realized that I were just a dream junkie all this time, and in order to be a real dreamer I needed to stop running away from reality.

Comment by taffle on December 31, 2012 at 8:06am

I have not experienced the power ups that you mentioned, but have a Happy new year to you and good to hear you're doing well!

Comment by LeAnn Marcum on December 31, 2012 at 8:06am

Good for you! I'm really proud that you have figured your way out of the illusion of MD. But let me ask: has anything happened in reality that might have helped you pull yourself out of your DD's?

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