Where wild minds come to rest
Hi again! I hope the new year started beautifully for all of you :)
I'm making progress in rooting myself to reality, and it's still like a whole new world to me! I keep forgetting rules of the imaginary don't apply here, that everything is changeable and imperfect. However, good things have a way bigger worth in the real world. And I would never change valuable, real feelings for any DD ones! They have a much stronger, richer flavor, that cannot be easily replicated.
I have many misconceptions about reality. For example, I thought I have to behave in a certain way to properly communicate. But I recently accepted that I'm not a person that talks much. That this is my communication base. And then I started connecting easier with people, believe it or not! This is because I stopped focusing on being someone I'm not, got rid of most anxiety/fear, and paid more attention to the conversation instead. (Except when I'm with people that talk so fast/loud that let no one else participate...well, their loss :p)
Another misconception is that everything has to click together, like in books/DDs/movies. But life is a fight, not a canvas that waits for you patiently to paint, the colours staying where you want them. There isn't always a "right moment". Often you just have to do your best, as fast as you can, even if it's not perfect.
Thirdly, I'm not the world's supergirl anymore. No matter how capable I am, I'll need to cooperate with other people for best results.
Lately, I am trying a new trick of re-training my brain. I generally call it "brain devices". I decide what "function" I want, and start making a mental machine that does the work. A "mental program", if you wish.
In the past I had made some of them without really planning (I have a quite active subconscious...). For example, my "personality sensor". This helped me categorize how "beautiful" peoples'personalities are, within a minute from seeing them. Until today I don't realize the criteria I value, since it's mostly subconscious work, but it has proved to be very accurate so far. Another was "character separation", which embodied a part of myself in an imaginary character, so that I could talk with it as if it was someone else, and understand it better. This also helped me in re-gathering parts of myself, which I had embodied in my favorite DDs because I were too afraid to accept them. (I changed some of them after accepting, but it had to be after it to properly work)
Now I'm working on some avanced ones, some that use more than just the subconscious: a "puzzler", a "library" and a "checker". My awful memory erases much of my progress, so I make the two first to train it. "Puzzler" gathers info from the surrounding reality, little interesting things, and connects them into a bigger image, just like a puzzle. If the information is like little pieces of confetti it can be easily forgotten, but if you find how things may be connected things become easy. I know I can make it work, but I bet it will take me months/years to have it working automatically. "Library" is the image of a huge library inside my brain, a really beautiful and magical one. I am using it to categorize my knowledge/memories, and gain confident about it. However, it is very hard to keep more than 2-3 books on the shelves so far. But I am progressing slowly and feel it helps me.
"Checker" is quite diffrent. It makes a quick check of the words I'm about to say, since my absent-mindedness makes me say things I regret sometimes. And this makes me more afraid to talk. Keeping my head in place makes me feel better.
So, what "brain devices" would you like to have? I'd love to see your ideas :D