Escaping Wonderland (the enchantment that MD is)

[Gina Black]

Hi again!

It's been 3 weeks since I escaped MD, and I keep having the upper hand (yay!) Because I now know how to avoid being stuck in an infinite DD. Writing this Blog -and you, guys- have helped me veeeeeeeeeeery much to get this far! (If you're thinking of making a blog yourselves, do it! I wholeheartedly recommend it! It's great for keeping track of your progress, and getting comments from people that can understand) 

However...

my "older self" is still struggling to re-surface. I am weak in such a way: I escaped the enchantments of MD only because I am very stubborn. If I relax now and stop being stubborn, things may suddenly go very wrong. I cannot risk it.

So, I'll keep writing about my "rehab" too. :)

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I found out something scary the other day, while reading my diary: I had escaped MD once before...but the fact was completely erased from my memory, although it wasn't too long ago! It happened for 4-5 full months, while I were in a happy relationship. I didn't need to DD, I could also focus on the real world well enough. However, when things started going bad, I went back to my own world and forgot it. I am determined to never do such a mistake ever again.

Thankfully, this time I don't base my mental well-being on anyone else. After all, I don't think a healthy relationship will be easy to get if I, alone, aren't healthy.

Something else I didn't expect, an old imaginary friend-probably the oldest imaginary friend of mine-has resurfaced. A very enchanting but dark fellow, called Demon. I never understood him 100%. But now I suddenly realized what he is: all the useless things, all the useless dreams and fears that fill my mind, feeding on the energy that could be used to improve my reality. That's why he is such a draining presence, it seems... He is the part of myself that chooses to have that misleading way of thought. I believed he was "Demon, the enchanter". Now I know he is "Demon, the fool". He has my sympathy-as a part of myself-but I am going to keep him in constant check from now on.

I've progressed in securing my position in real life, too. Firstly, I have decided to make my new start in the easiest way for a dreamer: give my all in chasing my dreams, and becoming the person I want. My dreams are mainly artistic, so I have started to charge for my drawings. It is for extra money only, nothing professional, but it helps me liking the true world more! I have also started collecting money for a violin, which I've wanted to learn since I were 5. Right now, I like focusing on these solely, and realized I don't want a bf yet. Probably because I need to love my own life and self more, in order to stay real permanently. (My friens and family want to see me getting paired up with someone, they're up for a disappointment!)

Secondly, I try to progress in the whole "interact with real people" thing. It  gives me more food for thought on REAL stuff. The trick is to know how to stay aware and curious, without spending too much energy on imaginary situations. It goes on rather well! :)

Until next time...Keep up the good work, everyone! :)

[Gina Black]

I'm starting to really like my life :)

My daily program is like this:

-Check I'm not DDing

-Open the pc/radio to connect to the outer world

-Breakfast, usually with smilies drawn on it (I draw on everything, lol)

-Exercise my breathing (doing speech therapy)

-Draw a painting, as lovely as I can (trying not to cover all the room with paints!)

-Study complex maths (eww...but I have to graduate!)

-Exercise on my choir songs or theater role 

-Do house chores of my choice

-Eat while watching anime and playing videogames

-Probably go out with friends

-Go to bed...a great time for dreaming :)

I'm still living in my own world, in a way, only this time it exists inside reality...it is an improvement.