Shameful Guilt

[Daniel D Woodard]

As Kenny Rogers sang "Just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in". Read the blogs, all very good and I relate a lot. I've been dealing with shame and guilt recently. It seems like a lifelong issue. I was never good enough or tried hard enough...blah blah blah. I think it is crucial that I accept my condition (MDD), but not surrender to it, and forgive myself. For me, it is a defense mechanism to make myself feel worthy of being accepted and Loved. That is the key element in this strange trip, learn to Love and trust myself, then I won't need my fantasy life. I will be happy living in my real life.

I encourage everyone to devote some attention (not obsessive) to the chattering (heckling) little inner voice & to befriend and Love it. Think of it as a frightened abused child needing encouragement and Love. Most of all Love. Surround yourself with positive people and things that you Love. Create a world and a life that is genuine and fulfilling. You already know how to dream!

[Whitney]

Very good post! Will be rereading :)

[Jae]

Reading the phrase "you already know how to dream," made my night better. Thank you. 

[MatthewR]

I completely agree. If I dig deep enough, I find the reasons I daydream are to escape both anxiety and feelings of worthlessness. If it wasn't MDD, though, I'd still be looking for other ways to distract myself from feeling this way. It's just that this is my defense mechanism when I don't have anything else. Like you say, it's a matter of accepting yourself, and having compassion toward the frightened and abused part of yourself that still feels wounded. Your words are very encouraging. Thank you for posting!