As Kenny Rogers sang "Just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in". Read the blogs, all very good and I relate a lot. I've been dealing with shame and guilt recently. It seems like a lifelong issue. I was never good enough or tried hard enough...blah blah blah. I think it is crucial that I accept my condition (MDD), but not surrender to it, and forgive myself. For me, it is a defense mechanism to make myself feel worthy of being accepted and Loved. That is the key element in…

Often I find myself blurting out nonsensical sentences. Somewhat like a stream of consciousness without any meaning. I'm pretty sure it happens when a negative or painful memory or feeling comes to mind. My ego wants to avoid pain so its default defense is to replace the pain with any other thought that will cause a distraction. Weird, I know. I have been making a conscious effort to allow myself to feel whatever is triggering this action. My hope is to confront the issue with my new…

Last night I had a nightmare. It might be more accurate to call it a night terror. It isn't that unusual for me, I used to have them very often. Over the years they have lessened quite a bit.  I don't usually remember what they are about, I only know that I am terrified. So much so that it's hard for me to scream out and I'm almost paralyzed. I do scream out now, which scares my wife as much as it does me.

I have had these nightmares from a very young age, sometime around when I began…

Hi everyone, I'm Dan, the new kid in town. A little of my background: I'm 63 yo; married to the love of my life for 37 yrs; Father of two beautiful grown children; I am owned by a little 13 yo Shih Tsu named Precious; worked in telecommunications for 30 yrs, now retired (and loving it); love gardening & communing with nature. Self improvement is also one of my passions. Which is probably the main reason I ended up here with fellow MD people. I want to communicate with other people that…