Returning here after a LONG time

[The1andonlyAbber]

I first joined this forum when I was 14 or 15. I used to be super active on here, reading every new post and commenting a lot. I became much less active when I was 16 and my MD took a turn for the worse. Since the daydream was partly augmented reality based, I almost never had to shut it off, and it got to the point where I didn’t want to discuss MD much because I didn’t want to dwell on the fact that it wasn’t real.

When I was 17, I completely recovered. (More on that later, probably.) I thought about coming back to make a post describing my recovery, but I don’t think I ever did. I wasn’t sure if I wanted people to copy the things I did to get better because I didn’t know if my recovery would last.

To make a long story very short, it only kind of lasted. I have a lot of trauma from my childhood and adolescence, and sometimes it makes me want to hide from everyone and everything. I don’t believe I fit the clinical definition of MD anymore, but I believe that I use fiction as an unhealthy coping mechanism, whether it’s watching shows that I know will make me upset because I have a parasocial relationship with the characters or having daydreams that aren’t addictive but otherwise very MD-like. I’m hoping that by coming back here, I can find support and be held accountable to try to cope in better ways.

[The1andonlyAbber]

@Mils I’d naturally lost a lot of my interest in the story because a) I was aware for years of the impact MD had on my life, and b) the story got so complex that trying to keep track of all the plotlines was becoming a chore. I was daydreaming less and less each day, only doing it enough to stop the withdrawals. I developed an interest in music production and as I got obsessed with that, trying to learn the technology and music theory and how to express myself through music replaced daydreaming. However, the underlying problems that made me daydream didn’t go away, and when music stopped being enough to distract me from them, I went back to daydreaming and started some new unhealthy coping mechanisms. My period of barely daydreaming at all only lasted about a year and a half. It’s only in the past few years that I’ve finally been addressing the underlying causes of my bad habits.

[Mils]

How were you able to stop it completely??

[The1andonlyAbber]

Okay, typing out my reply to Dee made me rethink things. Maybe the daydreaming *combined with certain other types of fiction I consume that has the same effect* is an addiction. Because all together, those things ARE making a big impact on my everyday life. 🤔

[The1andonlyAbber]

@Dee Wards it’s not very disruptive, hence why I don’t think I qualify for a diagnosis or anything anymore. I don’t think it’s even always unhealthy. However, not only is it somewhat compulsive, it sometimes makes me upset even in the short term. As I’ve gotten older, even as my MD has become mostly cured, my daydreams have gotten increasingly violent and psychologically dark in nature. The genre has shifted over the years from kids’ fantasy to YA fantasy to sci-fi to horror. I don’t usually daydream about inflicting violence, but about stopping/receiving it, hence my mind is cooking up stressful situations. It’s hard to sleep or relax after a daydream. I’m also worried about backsliding into full-on daydreaming addiction. My MD used to be so bad that I felt like a shell of a person because I’d lost a lot of real-world friendships and interests.

[Dee Wards]

The 1 andonlyAbber, I’m wondering what negative impact the daydreaming has that causes you to feel it’s nit a good coping mechanism.  My understanding is that it’s MD when it disrupts or brings negative consequences.  Just curious.  

[The1andonlyAbber]

I forgot to mention, I’m 24 now.