On, well- everything (that has to do with MD)

[Maria]

I'm sixteen, and ever since I was little I had been airy and up in the clouds as described by others. In kindergarten, the biggest concern was me daydreaming. It had resulted in me failing to recite the alphabet in French. Regardless, I have a terrible inclination to daydream and bed rock whilst doing so. There are several characters I play around with, or a much better version of myself (with a different personality). Which could be explained by the contradicting expectations of my father. I stopped bed rocking a few years, as it made me sick. Then started anew roughly around when my cat died. It's been two years, and I can go for days rocking and reliving a scene over and over until it's been perfected. As I type this, I whimsy away to a perfect world in which I am quiet, can play musical instruments, and can have the patience to read and comprehend complicated passages and books. The fact that I can no longer make this a reality gives way to hatred for oneself, affecting others around me. I wish I could accept the real me, this pathetic, little me. I wish I wasn't so numbed by day dreaming, I wish I could concentrate, I wish I wasn't so addicted to this tendency, I wish I could go on without it.

Fun fact about me: My initials are MD. I used to think that coincidence was a sign that I would become a medical doctor. I was wrong, it's maladaptive daydreaming.

I know this network is here to embrace and cope. But as a first post to this site, I thought I would start out with contempt.

[The1andonlyAbber]

Your initials are an interesting coincidence. Don't worry, though--initials don't determine someone's destiny. :-)

I'm sure they'll find a cure or something one day. Don't lose hope! And I know it's hard, but accept yourself as who you truly are. I have MD and I'm happy with myself (I daydream mainly because I'm not happy with the world around me). Maybe you could start by gradually changing your daydream character to make her more like you?

[Amanda Lewone]

Yea, I understand your frustrations! 

[Queen Dopamine]

Awwww, what you wrote about your initials. You thought it would be a premonition for becoming a medical doctor, but instead, your fate is maladaptive daydreaming. That makes me so sad for you. I relate to you in so many ways. Even though I rarely daydream as myself (just to repeat scenarios from my day in a more dramatic fashion), my characters do all the things I wish I could do. They are interesting, intelligent, popular, successful people. They're dysfunctional, but they handle emotion and conflict in ways that help me cope with the real world.

What distresses me though is that often times this disconnection from the real world into fantasy goes unnoticed. Meaning, it's just a part of my life. It's this fun, exciting thing that I do that fills a void in my life and is an addiction to me. However, it becomes painful when I realize all the things I can't do because of MD. Lately, it has become worse. I don't want to do school. In fact, I'm not doing my assignments. I feel like just quitting all together and failing. I don't want to finish my articles that I do as part of my freelance writing. I don't want to do the things on my to-do list. I'm either on Tumblr or daydreaming. It's like I just can't make myself care or be productive, but then I'm sad that I'm not this successful, busy, interesting, cool person. I wish there was a pill that could resolve this.

Small doses of adderall used to help me, I thought. But as I've tried it more and more, keeping the same dose, and even lowering it in some instances, it no longer seems to help my daydreaming.

It's quite depressing.