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In my opinion, the two most important things in life are love and laughter. Having MDD deprives me of both. It does this by dripiving me of having healthy relationships with people. Thats what i long for the most. Im so tired of being lonley and feeling traped by MDD. My profile picture for this site is obviously not me. But thats how my life use to be. Being with friends, and belly laughing. Thats also why i have such a hard time of letting go, becasue i use to have what i value most. And now it just seems like a distant memory. Since ive had it once, i know its possible to have it again. But its just been so long, i dont know how to get it back. Fellow MDDers, how do you balance having MDD and having positive relationships that involve laughing? And i dont mean just a simple laugh hear and there. Im talking about uncontrollable, gutt wrenching, painful laughter that makes all the hradships in life feel worth it. I want that back. More than anything. More than i want to stop DDing even. Thats all i want. To share that kind of laughter with people, once again.

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Comment by Thomas Truxal on September 24, 2013 at 11:13pm

First, studies show that laughter decrease as we age. This information comes from a great book I read called "Why people laugh" which is a research intensive book about the history and science of laughter.

I'd like to answer your questions from my personal experience. How do I balance positive relationships and MDD. First, I set time away for my DD-ing. For example, I set my alarm a half hour early and spend 30 minutes attempting to wake up while rocking to music which leads to DD. I also day dream in the shower and often don't want to leave the house for work, but of course I do. I also have some time when I come home from work and time before bed set aside for day dreaming.

As far as friends go, I believe that the friends you can have a gut wrenching laugh are far and few to find in adult hood. When I first moved to Las Vegas (4 years ago) and started going out to make and meet new friends- I often found myself feeling way more alone in a crowded room. It was pretty intense and to be honest, I didn't make many lasting friendships my 4 years there.

Now, I live in Nepal, and I am surrounded by coworkers who are passionate about their work and life. When I go out on the weekends, I'm around people are generally happy with who they are and the work they do- I find that this makes socializing so much easier and more fun. When we push ourselves out of our comfort zones the laughing really begins. For example, a small group of my friends went on a hike to a small temple and as we got lost in the forest, a random cow jumped out of the bushes and scared us all. We were laughing on the ground rolling in leaves about how a cow had the power to scare us all on the way to a temple.

I think it's all about the right chemistry with people and the environment. I lived in Hawaii, Vegas, and a snowboarding town in Idaho before moving to a place where I am truly happy. That was 4 failures at moving before the 5th one feels right.

I would like to be optimist and say that you will find those friends. You might have to go to the other side of the world to find them (like me), but they are out there :-)

Comment by taffle on September 22, 2013 at 8:57am

I haven't had "uncontrollable, gutt wrenching, painful laughter" with friends in a long time. Nowadays, I laugh at shows, manga, dramas, and stuff I see online, but I can't seem to laugh with people aside from my parents.

Comment by Rafael Hernandez on September 20, 2013 at 5:04am

Like ShellyBelly i think the same. But sometimes MDD can be coupled with other problems (like me with social and general anxiety). So firts you need to find what are these problems, and if they exists, go after them so you can have better quality of life.

But as i always says, to find them is better do it with a professional like a therapist.

Good luck Sky and remember you are not alone in this.

Comment by ShellyBelly on September 19, 2013 at 11:41pm

I was thinking the same thing. I believe I may have avoidant personality disorder as well and it is hard to get close to people. However, I have friend who also has similar social awkwardness and we get along fine. Maybe we need to find more people like us. In other words, maybe in some respect it isn't you, but maybe you just haven't found the people you truly click with like that yet.

Comment by Larry on September 19, 2013 at 9:31pm
Well, I can't say I handle things like that all too well, but I'm figuring that if you want to belly laugh you gotta giggle first. And in order to giggle you have to have a smile on your face...and with a smile on your face friends will come.
That's my theory anyway. :0)

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