i think i am going mad

[dream lover]

Hi everyone.i'm writing after 2-3 months.my mental conditions
have worsened. I am trying to get all the things in my head out but
I dont want anyone to know about it.so I am going to say it here.

I thought that I was fighting to stop dding.but I realize that I am
Not improving at all.in fact I dont have any controlled over ir.
For the last 2 weeks I have been like a zombie.I cant think or do
Anything.I dont have any self controlle left.I keep doing things that
I shouldn't do.I always feel like a sleep deprived person,which I am.
And if there is a stage 4 of MD,I am currently experienceing it.
I cant find anything which is not a trigger.books,sounds,tv,talks,
Voices everything automatically starts a new dd.sometimes I have
Multiple dds together.is it a common thing or i'm going insane? ???
I cant study,literally.I dont have any dream or target.and everything seems
Pointless.I dont hang out with anyone,I stopped going out.my mom
was happy until I started to talk.anyway,I stopped going out cause
I realized that i silently beg for company.I always drop the other
Person home.I never get a call.nobody likes me.so I stopped doing it
It.but its not helping me.I am lost.I fear my head might explode from
all the dds going in my head.I am thinking of taking drugs,the mere
Thought makes me feel pathetic.I dont know what to do.

[Tinkerbell]

I'm sorry to hear that it has got worse for you. Maybe you should try and find something that relaxes you.  Meditation helps because it relaxes the mind and helps you to focus on other things.  Maybe you could try doing 5-10 minutes a day of meditation?

[dream lover]

Thanks for the support guys. I dont feel sorry for
For myself.I just noticed that I started every sentence
with "I". :) .

[victoria zaia]

I am so sorry you feel this way :( I guess at this point they are right that you should calm down. Have you tried to have guilt-less MD? Maybe  tell yourself you have this hour to be yourself and afterwards you will try to accomplish a task. If you are still not done in a hour, deep breath and with no judgement continue for another designated amount of time. Maybe being okay with it will slowly allow you to accomplish at least the basics so that you don't feel as stressed out and maybe can begin to earn control again. There are probably hundreds of other ways you can feel this out, from writing as someone else suggested, to going on a walk, to just breathing it out.. I don't think MD is an illness, I think it is that we have a part of our brain that is more active than in someone else's brain.. I say this from the bottom of my heart because even though it may negatively affect our lives when we hit rock bottom it has absolutely made us who we are, and we get to define which words we use to describe it. I hope you get better, not because there is anything wrong with who you are, but because you do not seem happy, and I know how stressful it can be to lose control when so much of the lives we live require us to be present in order to do things..

[Faye]

Hi Dream Lover, I am most certainly not a psychologist but I can definitely relate, I've been coming down from what I can only term a "manic" episode that has lasted about two weeks or so. Anything and everything triggers me as well, until I finally noticed that for me my underlying trigger was something more abstract and insidious, it was discomfort.

Everytime I felt uncomfortable about something, whether it was a intrusive thought, anxiety about something or any negative emotion related to my waking life I think my mind would just pick up an external stimuli (books, tv etc) and use it as a catalyst for MD.

I find that when I have intense episodes of MD, and go for more than usual- days at a time, it's usually because of some accumulated emotional stress/anxiety or some event that has caused me great unhappiness. And it's like the cork has finally popped and I am just discharging to try and escape all that discomfort by excessively (as in much more than usual) living in my head. 

I'm not always successful in calming myself down but I find it helps to spend an hour or two in a silent room, light a scented candle, or tea tree oil (something to stimulate smell, because for me smell is the only sense that is not incorporated in my fantasies) and meditate a bit (if you want to call it that), focusing on what is causing the main discomfort and also not letting myself gesture (as in get up and pace the room because that only perpetuates the MD). 

Usually if I am successful in quelling my anxieties and discomfort in a conscious way, like self therapy reminding myself that some things are not my fault and not in my control etc etc. I find that I also quell the tendancy to want to MD more. I'm not sure if this same process would work for you though, everyone is different.  

[Chris French]

I Really Think This Condition Is A Bit Like OCD, In That You Have To Stop "Trying" To Stop It Like Push The Thoughts Away Or Obsessively Analyze Why You Can't Stop. Instead,Just Grit Your Teeth And Bare It, Do What You Normally Do Despite The Anxiety. Possibly Go To A Therapist. I'm Also Weathering A Daydream Binge Right Now, Although I Retain My Functionality, It Just Makes Me Edgy. My Dd Binges Always Come After I Try Suppressing It In An Unhealthy Way. (Also, I Have No Idea Why My Phone Has To Capitalize The Beginning Of Every Word, Sorry)