today i started at my first job. i just had an anxiety attack and started screaming a lot. i am feeling sad and empty and confused and very very very pathetic. i don't like my chosen field and i don't remember my classes, i feel like i am falling off a cliff. i feel like i am an imposter in my own life and i can see the time when my bosses are going to realize how horrible i am. and worse: i need this job, i need to help my mom urgently because we are in a very very bad situation and i should take the brunt of it all but i can't, i am not strong, i am weak and horrible and pathetic and i just want to hide in my room. i can't take it anymore.