First Post - Reaching Out

[Lockster]

Hi guys,

I'm really happy to find a community for people like me. For a really long time I thought I was alone. I'm just going to write a little about me.

I've always been super creative and great at coming up with stories (this probably sounds really familiar to all of you). When I was 12, I went to a weird charter school where it was cool to be smart, and I would write all these stories starring me and my friends and I was actually really popular. But then when I went to a public middle school, I was the weird kid who wrote fantasy stories and didn't understand the social norms of a public school.

People say MD is often formed from a childhood trauma as a defense mechanism, and although I grew up in a great family and wasn't abused or anything, I think the sudden exposure to a huge population that didn't like me forced me deep into fantasy. Looking back, the content of my fantasies should have clearly indicated that. In my fantasies, I had lots of friends, imaginary people that I knew better than most real people. Over the past eight years, that has evolved into this "perfect me" that has really made it hard for me to actually live my real life. I sacrifice time I could spend pursuing my goals so I can wallow in a fantasy world where my goals are already achieved. And I hate myself. My fantasy self is taller, more muscular, better looking in general, smarter, more charming, and better at everything. Even the things I'm really good at feel pathetic compared to fantasy Lockster.

The worst part of this is that MD is inhibiting my ability to do some of the things that fantasy Lockster does. I've always had this fantasy about being a famous actor (probably a lot of that just has to do with wanting to be liked) and a couple of years ago I started taking acting classes and I actually love it. I've got a total performer personality and getting into different roles is like going into fantasy worlds, living other, more exciting lives. But there's a big issue. To be in character, you have to be in "character thoughts," meaning you shouldn't be thinking any of your own thoughts. But MD has trained my brain to go at a million miles an hour, so my mind is constantly wandering when I'm trying to be in a scene. Bleh!

Anyway, that's my life right now. Spending too much time daydreaming, comparing myself to impossible ideals and subsequently hating myself, and not being able to concentrate very well.

Lockster

[The1andonlyAbber]

Has it occurred to you that your concentration issues might also be related to ADD? I recently discovered I have it. A lot of the things I was blaming on MD were actually caused by my ADD. That's not to say I don't have MD--I most certainly do! However, a lot of the symptoms were actually made worse by ADD.

[Source]

Many of us have this overpowered idealized self thing. Virtual Source is a time traveler, just to give you an example.

[Bluejay Fire Agate]

My fantasies have always revolved around an idealized version of myself. When I was really little I did have an imaginary best friend rather than an idealized self, but when I look back, I think the "best friend" was actually just an idealized version of myself in disguise. 

A therapist suggested that I try acting to help with MD, but it seemed like it wouldn't be the best channel for me to redirect my creativity, since my fantasies revolve around an idealized version of myself rather than just different characters. When I was a kid, I would think up lots of characters though, but I wouldn't act out their parts or anything. I would just fantasize about interacting with the characters. Acting just seems like a really different process from my DDing for me. 

[Fallen Messenger]

I know that once you are able to control your MD or MDD, acting will become easier,
And you will be able to use your fantasy's creative gift to pursue your passions.