fantasy land

[mary g]

as far as i can remember iv always been a shy kid,didnt have many friends..teachers always used to tell my mom at a pta meeting "that your child is really quiet and dont have any friends".i grew up being very quiet.i tried to talk to ppl and make friends but its really difficult for me. i used to feel jealous of all the other kids hanging out in groups and laughing and having fun.whereas i just sit in a corner staring into empty space.

my dad has never been there for me and its my mom who i live with but now even she had started seeing me as a burden.ive always wanted to be popular and pretty and all that but the day i found out i was a total social reject something inside me changed.i mean i dont hav family or friends or anyone for that matter.this made me feel really insecure and lonely and that was the day i staed daydreaming.

in my daydreams i was this amazing person who could talk and have fun, a person who wa shappy.i would create all these intricate plots and storylines which revolved around me.my daydreams gave me a sense of security and joy i had never gotten before in my life.but it also had far reaching negative effects. i became absent minded,my grades dropped,i would rarely open my mouth .

soon the outside world became a scary place and i would retreat more and more into my shell like a turtle..

 

[Sandra]

Hi. I got over my fear of speaking to people by working in a restaurant. That wasn't my goal, cash was my goal, but it was a side effect. U had to talk to people and friendlier you are, the more money you'll get. But this is a double edged sword. I can communicate and connect on a surface level with anyone, and very quickly. But I am not able get any closer than that. I am unable to establish meaningful relationships. And I really wish I was. You may want to try to find something that will force and reward you for interaction with others. But as far as anything beyond that, I don't know yet either

[New York dancer]

Mary, if you met me in person you won't believe I'm just like you. On the outside, I'm the complete opposite of what you were talking about. I talk to everyone, all the time and can make friends with just about anyone. I also love to laugh and crack jokes. 

But once upon a time I was just like you. When I was a little girl, I was terribly shy. I believed I learned to be shy because of my mother who has social anxiety issues. As I grew older I found ways to get out of it. It took a loooong time to overcome shyness but I had my MD in my back pocket along the way. 

The way I broke the shy spell was doing things that scared me and by setting goals. I took a dance class that made me nervous. Then when I performed my first show, I was faced with my biggest fear (standing in front of a crowd) but I went through with it anyway. With my heart pounding so fast I thought I was going to die. LOL. After I was done I got a standing ovation. My life soon shifted in a dance career and I opened up like a social flower. I always dreamed of being a entertainer so when I achieved that goal it brought me abundance of happiness. 

My MD was with me the whole way giving me a sense of security and support whenever I needed it. I gave my characters issues so they could solve it in front of me and when I had the solution I would apply to my life. Also, when I performed I could convey emotion and experience through me and it comes from that place within. 

You can blossom out from underneath that shy bubble. You just need to find a way to nurture who you are and get more confidence in yourself. If you are finding yourself internal and it's hurting you, then you are unhappy. You need to care for yourself, don't be a prison of your mind because you are the one in charge. Find a way out, even if that requires you to ask someone for a hand. 

[mary g]

i wish we could all be an in person group but im happy we have this forum.

 

[Queen Dopamine]

I feel like you do when I see a group of people laughing and having fun. It makes me ridiculously jealous. It can feel so isolating to not be able to make friends. For some of us, it's a struggle to even make the first move, to even make eye contact and smile. I've learned how to press past that, and I wish I could teach it to you. But I'm definitely no social butterfly. When I do get the courage up to say something to a co-worker, for instance, it doesn't lead to us sitting together at lunch. It's just trivial small talk. I crave belonging and being in a group of people who share my interest. The few times I've had that I was the happiest. Of course, we have this forum. But we're not an in-person group! I wish that we could be.