Faded back to Reality

[Kira]

It's been a little over a month since I last posted here. Alas, I was hoping to be more frequent but once a month sounds adequate to me. I've been consistently daydreaming, although it's not too over the top. The past two days I've hit a road block in my fantasy world.

Sometimes, it feels like even creativity can shrivel up and die. When I get to that point, I'm irritable and morose. I get scared that it won't ever come back to me. I repeat daily activities like clockwork, even though I've checked it all  multiple times and I don't even find it amusing in the first place. I desperately seek out  mental stimulation but most of the time find nothing. Trying to float into a daydream, but it's not satisfying in the least, and I only end up more frustrated.

I hate this cycle. It's great when ideas are flowing through you and you're even having a hard time keeping up with them all; the rush you get from each scene. But not this. Not when you're numb, lost, and your functions could be easily compared to that of a broken record.

  Does anyone else have this loathing cycle? Or a moment in time of creative nothingness?

[Kira]

I think there are times in my life where I feel the urge less. So I don't daydream as much and I'm almost content with reality. And when it's like that, it's like you said: a blessing. However there are sometimes where the urge is still raging and my mind has stopped. I can't a rush off the daydreams and every daydream is not satisfying. It's like a low. I should of explained that better in my blog, forgive me.

I know it's not healthy too and so I mentally abuse myself over it sometimes. There are so many things you could be doing with your life if you didn't have this. I struggle to remind myself that that's not fair to say. It's a problem  and I have to learn to make it less of a fault. It keeps you up at night? I have a tendency to fall asleep while daydreaming. My way of getting to sleep.

That's difficult. Especially when other disorder trigger it. Did you not daydream those years or was it controlled?

[phoenix62]

That happens to me....funny, I generally see it as a blessing, because I see this MD as a curse, really. There's a part of me who wants to get lost in my head, but I know it's not healthy (for me) and when I hit a roadblock, so to speak, I am actually relieved, for the most part.
This darn problem has me daydreaming when I really need to be sleeping....and working nights make it even more frustrating for me....

I managed to lose the desire to daydream for years, and last year it came back with a vengeance.....I suffer from major depression, and I think the latest depressive episode triggered this MD....not sure, though....

[Kira]

TJ: It’s not something to wish for, trust me. The constant urge is still there, however it’s like the scenarios in your head have gone stale and it’s not satisfying but you do it anyway. The ultimate low, I call it. I can’t get anything done because I’m so lost. You just feel really hollow.

Cordellia Amethyste Rose: Thank you for the understanding. It has really helped me, knowing that I’m not alone. I’m really grateful for this site.
Guilt is one of the hardest emotion to overcome. It’s hard to accept that you’ll always have this problem and make it a positive thing. I struggle with it daily and I try desperately to see the light in it. I’ll always keep trying to convince myself it’s not a problem, even if it’s a subconscious thought in the back of my mind. I like your view of it, and it must go a long way if you keep that mindset. :) I strive for balance too. It helps the weighing stressors of life.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

First, never feel like you HAVE to post here frequently. This site is here whenever you need it, be it several times a day or once a year. Never feel guilty for not posting. We're here for you when you need us.

Secondly, this sounds a lot like my vicious cycle too. I go through phases when I'll daydream a lot & phases where I hardly daydream at all. Long ago I decided to stop feeling guilty for daydreaming. I used to berate myself every time I would have a binge, even a small one. Of course that would make me depressed, so I'd want to do it even more. Feeling guilty made it worse. It's hard to stop feeling guilty, but if you can judge yourself even a little bit less, it really helps. I tell myself I do what I need to when I need to. I try to focus on enjoying outside activities because I want to live a balanced life. I try and focus on what I want to do rather than what I want NOT to do. Shifting your perspective like that can make a big difference over time. Now instead of feeling bad when I daydream, I feel good when I spend lots of time not daydreaming.